Month: January 2025

Den of Thieves 2 was a long time in coming, and not in a good way

I have to admit, I barely remembered a thing about Den of Thieves. It starred Gerard Butler and O’Shea Jackson Jr (both returning for Den of Thieves 2 Pantera). It had a ‘bad cop’ feel a la Training Day. That’s what I remembered. The Average Dude had to rewatch it with the missus prior to heading to my local moviehaus.

Strike one

The point there is that Den of Thieves 2 was released in mid January. For those who don’t yet know, Jan-Feb and August are the cinematic equivalent of giving your kid a time-out. Not quite bad enought to be banished to their room and not be seen by the guests, but bad enough to be removed from the party. That’s strike one.

Strike two

Den of Thieves 2 was also released 7 years after the first installment. That’s nowhere near the all-time record, which is dubiously held by Mary Poppins Returns (with a different actress in the title role so I am not really counting it). And to be fair, we waited 36 years for Top Gun Maverick, and that turned out fabulously. But then, there’s also Beetljuice Beetlejuice (also 36 years), which turned out very NOT fabulously. I digress… Just sayin’ that’s a long time for folks to forget a fairly forgetable movie to begin with. Strike two.

But then…a curve ball

Den of Thieves 2 was not just a carbon copy of the first. As the trailer showed, Nick (Butler) has become disenchanted with the burdens of cop life and is tracking down Donnie (Jackson) to see how the other half lives. He follows Donnie to the World Diamond Exchange and Scooby-Doo’s that he is planning a huge score. And Nick wants in. It’s not altogether unbelievable that Nick would cross that line, given that his character would often dance over that line and jump back again.

That’s the basic premise of Den of Thieves 2. Butler plays the brash, alpha-among-alphas persona to a tee. The real appeal of Nick is that we never knew whether to love the guy or hate him. When you’re looking for that character, Butler is a solid go-to.

Bad choice. Done poorly.

As for the rest of the cast, they’re pretty much unremarkable. O’Shea Jackson has the emotional range of a catcher’s mitt. Whether the scene calls for anger, fear or excitement, he only seems to be able to weakly muster the stone-cold killa look. Vacant stares. Like un-lifing someone and choosing what brand of butter to buy carry the same emotional weight for him. Not only does Jackson not feel all that threatening, but the very choice is so cliche it’s boring. To paraphrase the legendary Robin Williams in Dead Poets Society, ‘Just don’t make it ordinary.’ Or boring.

With that said, I’m giving Den of Thieves 2 Pantera a marginal 2.6/5 on the always entertaining Gerard Butler. Call this movie an infield single on a cold, wet field. Against a bad opponent. In a Cactus League game. The result is just okay but you’re not really that excited about it. And in the end, it didn’t make your season any better or worse.

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Wolf Man wasn’t a big hairy deal

As I’ve said before, the Average Dude is not much of a fan of this generation’s idea of the ‘horror movie’ genre. I’ll go into more of an explanation on why that is later in this column. Having said that, I am a fan of the classic horror films. Frankenstein, the Mummy, King Kong, all were terrifying in their day. And maybe my favorite – the Wolf Man. Lon Cheney Jr. Bela Lugosi. Classic horror icons.

Because we have run out of original movie ideas

Fast forward: Universal Studios attempted to reboot The Wolf Man in 2010, starring Anthony Hopkins and Benicio Del Toro. I didn’t hate this reboot, but I didn’t love it, either. It was a pretty lukewarm movie that should have been better, given the star power involved, but okay. It was supposed to be one of the tent-pole movies of Universal’s new ‘Dark Universe’. I thought that was a fantastic idea and am a little perplexed why they gave up on it so quickly. I think I get why both of those flicks underperformed expectations. And again, I’ll get to that.

A Wolf Man for a new millenium

The latest iteration of Wolf Man stars Julia Garner (Ozark) as Charlotte, a city-dwelling journalist and work-distanced mother. Her stay-at-home husband Blake (Christopher Abbott) takes his family ‘home’ to finally put to rest his father’s back country estate after he was declared legally deceased. You can easily guess the rest of this plot, I reckon. I mean, not a lot you can really do with it that hasn’t already been done. Like a Godzilla movie, you kind of know what’s coming.

What sets Wolf Man (in any era) apart from other monster movies like Frankenstein and Dracula is the inner struggle of the creature itself. The villain is also the victim, so the audience has an emotional tug of war going on. More than any other classic horror movie, developing the characters as relatable and believable is key. And that’s the biggest problem I have with Wolf Man.

Stick to what you know, I guess

Wolf Man was written and directed by Leigh Whannell, who has a string of very successful horror movies to his IMDB credit (the Saw series, the Insidious series). I will admit, I have never watched so much as 5 minutes of those movies. Going to see Wolf Man was sort of a hail marry to see if there was any actual classic movie horror left in Hollywood. If Wolf Man is any indication, there isn’t.

That Whannell is a titan of the modern idea of horror is indesputable. His writing has spawned eleven Saw movies, plus prequel Spiral. Insidious inspired 5 movies to date. The dude is super-popular. Wolf Man is his 4th directing credit. I could name them but what’s the point? I’ve seen one of them and it was not memorable. My point here is this: Whannell might be able to write about what society wants in their horror films, but directing it on screen is a different animal altogether.

Claws and effect

Where Wolf Man excelled is showing the de-evolution of Blake into the man-beast. It wasn’t a complete, full moon transformation. It was a progression that didnt reverse itself with the coming of the sun. That metamorphosis was done well and absolutely evoked a sympathy from the audience.

Where Wannell’s directing failed, it failed hard. Phantasically and utterly. Julia Garner is no slouch as an actress. I’ve seen her in Ozark.. She’s part of the new Fantastic Four movie. She’s got skills and a quirky likeability in the looks department. And I think she did the most she was allowed to do with the horrible, unrealistic dialog that was given to her. There are tense situations where a brooding silence would be an appropriate response. I’m going to go on record as saying that watching a your husband, who has morphed into a clawed, slavering feral thing would not be one of them.

Think of the children!

And for the love of Aunt Bea, there is no 8 year old child on planet earth that would not be losing their sh!te over seeing their beloved dad turn into a hairy, fanged, rabid killer. None. Zero is the number. Yet, at Whannells direction, that’s exactly what the young daugher of Blake and Charlotte did. For me, that was the stake in the heart of this movie. If Wolf Man had been top shelf in all other areas, that performance itself would wreck this movie. There. I said what I said.

Which brings me to my first point

Though it saddens me, I get that times have changed. What our parents ones thought of as the apex of movie horror doesn’t even register in people today. Modern horror is about jump scares and how to dismember a person’s body and psyche in the most dehumanizing ways. Sorry if I injure you by saying so, it’s about depravity and the loss of humanity. Each movie has to be even more creatively soulless than the last. Simply put, the reality of a soulless human is more terrifying than any walking corpse or mutated beast-dude.

And worth a thought…anyone who thinks that they aren’t being damaged by watching modern horror…well, I would just urge them to consider the possibility that I’m right.

SO…while Wolf Man isn’t a horror film in the vein of Whannell’s other successes, it most certainly isn’t a throwback to the really old-school b&w flicks. And if you can’t get hooked by those, then I suggest a Silence of the Lambs. Or American Werewolf in London (the 80’s version, please). As for Wolf Man 2025, I’m giving it a tepid 2.5/5 on the strength of the actual wolf-changing element. Other than that, this movie just has no bite to it at all.

If you want a TRULY different Wolf Man…

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A Complete Unknown is going to be a hard sell

I have to admit, there was a serious lack of movies that I was interested in seeing this weekend. In fact, I was about to review Carry-On (Netflix). But the weather forecast promised a few days of hunkering down in my snowbound house, so Mrs Average Dude and I decided to venture out before we could no longer venture. The selection was A Complete Unknown.

A Complete Unknown is the bio pic of a living legend

That Bob is a living legend is undeniable. Your humble Average Dude is no spring chicken, but I have no recollection of Bob Dylan in his heyday.* I’ve heard his hits, how could I not? I’m a sentient human and his music has inspired an entire generation (the one before mine, I believe). That generation spawned a subculture of Americana that lives on today in the form of the ‘green party’. Dylan and his angry-but-somehow-also-merry band of folk singers (Joan Baez, Woodie Guthrie, Pete Seeger and so on) were musical vanguards. Millions of young people looking for an emotional outlet (or perhaps a reason to emote) fed on his thought-provoking lyrics and hummable melodies. Dylan, with great talent, personal conviction and force of will, propelled himself from A Complete Unknown into a force for change. In a time before social media, that is no small feat.

A Complete Unknown is the bio pic we didn’t know we needed. Because we didn’t.

The Average Dude’s favorite song during the folk music era was the theme to Speed Racer.** Suffice to say, I was too young to dig on Dylan, the Beatles or anything that didn’t play at the beginning of a 30 minute TV show. And while there are plenty of people still around who were grooving to him, a lot of those don’t venture out to the theater. And their numbers are dwindling. My point is, A Complete Unknown has an appeal to a relatively small demographic. In a society that has an ever-shrinking attention span and an ever-growing pool of distractions, the bio pic of Bob Dylan ranks fairly low. For most, he is indeed, A Complete Unknown.

Timothee Chalamet doing Timothee Chalamet things

Unless I want to go out and interview the previous generation (who may have been baked for it anyway), I will never know if Timothee Chalamet’s portrayal of Dylan in A Complete Uknown was accurate. However, Chalamet has proven himself to be an amazing actor and I’m willing to concede that he did his homework. And whether accurate or not, Chalamet sells it. I have so much faith in his talent that I chose to go see A Complete Uknown on the power of his impressive acting credits. He may end up being the greatest actor of a generation. That’s my prediction.

Kind of like Adam Driver’s Amazon Ads

I can’t really call it an overlooked gem. I can confidently say that everyone in A Complete Unknown did an admirable, if not all that memorable job. Ed Norton, Elle Fanning, Monica Barbaro were all quality. Of special note are Boyd Holbrook, who did a fantastic job as a young Johnny Cash. Scoot McNairy did an amazing job as an infirmed Woodie Guthrie, past the use of his voice. For their part, they all performed well. But they were overshadowed by Chalamet in every scene. A Complete Unknown is the story of Bob Dylan, and none other. Had the script called for just a little bit deeper dive into some of them, A Complete Unknown would have been a more satisfying 2 hrs 20 min. As it is, we got a fairly shallow glimpse into the legend of Bob Dylan performed by a world-class talent.

So, The Average Dude is giving A Complete Unknown a middling 3.25 out of 5. I’d say wait for it to show up on streaming, but I don’t think it will appeal to the bulk of America (and barely even noticed by non-English speaking countries). A niche movie if ever there was one.

Bob Dylan himself said that he likely wouldn’t see A Complete Unknown, but Timothee Chalamet would probably portray him well. Bob clearly still has all his faculties.

*I do have a cover of Desolation Row done by My Chemical Romance on my running ipod.

**Go, Speed Racer, Go!

 

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Sonic 3 delivers for everyone

So, my son has two children that are 110% rough and tumble boys. MicroDudes if you will. This was our year to have them on Christmas, which was amazing and never long enough. The boys, ages 3 and 5, are all about Spidey, Bluey, Transformers, Ninja Turtles…and Sonic the Hedgehog. When they found out Sonic 3 was going to be in theaters this Christmas, there was no question of whether or not Dude* was taking them. None. It was always going to be my honor.

Trust the experts

To my shame, the Average Dude knows next to nothing about Sonic and his pals. I know one is called Knuckles, because the three year old thinks he IS Knuckles. Everything in the house gets Knuckle-smashed. Doors. Dogs. And Dude (ponder, if you will, about the height of a 3 year old and whereabouts on Dude that Knuckle-smash lands).

So, since I can’t review a movie sequel that I am woefully inadequate to review, I decided that my boys – Naise and Asher, will be the ones to pass judgement on Sonic 3. You’re welcome.

(Inside the theater)

Dude: ‘Naise, you get to sit by Dude. Asher will sit by Maimeo**’.

Naise: ‘And Shadow sits with me.’

Dude: ‘Who is Shadow?’

Naise: ‘Dude, Shadow is in the movie!’ (Naise holds up his most favoritest of stuffies…a Sonic character if ever there was one).

Dude: ‘Yes, of course he can!’ (Hugs it tight)

(Sitting in the theater)
Naise: ‘Dude, do you have my candy? I got the dip-pop’.

Dude: ‘Got it. Do you need to go to the bathroom?’

Naise: ‘No’ (he didn’t).

Dude: ‘Asher, do you want some popcorn? Ash? Ash, don’t smash those people. They’re good guys.’

(He still smashes them. They’re good sports).

(Previews roll)

Dude: ‘Naise! Do you want to go see Superman with Dude?’

Naise: ‘Sure.’ (a lackluster commital until…)

Naise: ‘Superman has a DOG???’

Dude: ‘Yep. His name is Krypto and he can fly and shoot lasers from his eyes, too!’
(Krypto is apparently a gateway dog to creating a Superman fan).

(The movie rolls)
Naise: ‘DUDE! That’s Shadow in the water!’

Dude: ‘Naiser, you gotta whisper.’

Naise: ‘Dude! It’s Shadow! It’s Shadow!’ (barely a whisper).

(Movie rolls on)
Naise: ‘Dude, I need some more popcorn.’

Dude: ‘It’s all gone. You guys ate it all.’ (in fairness, I ate my share)

(Movie rolls on)
Dude: ‘Naise, where did you get that popcorn?’

Naise: ‘It’s everywhere.’

Dude: ‘Do NOT eat that popcorn!’

Naise: ‘Dude, you have to whisper.’

(Movie ends)
Dude: ‘So, what did you boys think about the movie?’

Naise: ‘It was AWESOME!’

Asher: ‘AWESOOOOME!’

Dude: ‘What was your favorite part?’

Naise: ‘Shadow!’

Asher: ‘Knuckles!’

Dude: ‘Would you tell others to go see this movie?’

Naise/Asher: ‘YEEEES!’

Mrs Average Dude: ‘Someone was farting through the whole movie. It was so bad!’

Asher (tucking his head to his chest, slightly to one side and smiling, looking up at Maimeo and flashing eyelashes that any woman would die to have): ‘It was me. I did it.’

Naise: ‘Asher FLUFFIED!’

So there you have it, straight from the experts. The boys say Sonic 3 is the best movie ever. But then, Moana 2 was the best movie ever. So was Wild Robot. Basically, whatever movie they go see is the best movie ever. Because for them, it’s about the whole movie experience. The popcorn. The big screen. The EVENT of it. And that is the spirit of going to the movies that The Average Dude embraces.

So, the progeny of The Average Dude give Sonic 3 a hearty endorsement that I can only interpret as an age-appropriate 5 out of 5. You’re daughters and grand-daughters might prefer Moana 2, but maybe not. Either way, Sonic 3 is high entertainment for the kids and watching them enjoy Sonic 3 is high entertainment for their adults. Literally something for everyone.

*Yes, the boys call me ‘Dude’. Not the ‘G-word’. I explained it to them like this: Calling me (the G-word) = Christmases will be a 3. Calling me Dude = Christmases will be 5+. So, now until the end of time, they call me Dude. The Dude Abides.

**Maimeo: pronounced MOM oh – Irish for Mrs Average Dude.

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