Author: todd.wade

No shade on Project Hail Mary

It’s totally fair to say that, up to this point, Spiderman Brand New Day was the most anticipated move of the year. Not that the bar was set very high (oh, we’re gonna get to that, bet on it). And it isn’t without good reason. Since Avengers Endgame, Marvel really has not put out much to cheer about (and I’m in the minority that really loved Thunderbolts). I’m not convinced that ‘superhero fatigue’ is a thing. I think it’s a ‘write stories that appeal to your target audience and don’t stuff it with an agenda and maybe get better writers’ thing. Oh, and maybe don’t turn Nick Fury – the single baddest bad-@$$ in the MCU – into a total wuss. Maybe not do that.

That’s billion. With a capital B.

It wasn’t just an MCU problem. Your Average Dude thought the Pattinson version of Batman was not just bad but an insult to the amazing legacy of Batman on multiple levels. And don’t get me started on Supergirl. So yeah, the ill-considered choice by both sides of the superhero isle to ‘re-imagine’ their tent-pole heroes, to try and appeal to other than the target audience just feels like greed at best and attempts at social engineering at worst. My point is, it’s not that we’ve gotten tired of the superhero genre. We’re still willing to go. Heck, Spiderman Brand New Day made nearly a billion bucks opening weekend (and that was reported Sunday afternoon, before the evening numbers were in, so…). Clearly, we just want characters we love and a good story. That’s not too much to ask, is it?

Just laziness

In the post Endgame MCU, I truly believe that Disney tried to change the culture with a lot of nonsense that was antithetical to their paying fan-base (the receipts are almost endless). And they gave it their best shot, no question. In the end, people stopped buying and stopped watching and Disney was forced to abandon that agenda. Unfortunately, in the course-correction, they tried schlepping out a whole bunch of stuff that was poorly-written, straight from formula and took for granted that they still had pull with a national audience that was over them. That one-two punch is what might have tanked the genre. Chalk it up to taking their core audience for granted. And laziness.

Then, along came a Spider

Disney MCU threw everything they could into a last-ditch Hail Mary (see what I did there?) with Avengers: Doomsday. They brought back everyone that made them great in the first place. The marketing blitz started early and is reasonably well paced to avoid over saturation. And of a great benefit to them is the spectacular success of Spiderman Brand New Day. I think that it’s popularity will only help increase their hopes (and ours) that Doomsday will be special. Spiderman Brand New Day did what superhero movies are designed to do…bring us hope. That is as true for Disney as it is for the viewing public. And this fan-base, while not inexhaustible, is forgiving. So yes, there is reason for their hope.

You’d think they would have at least mentioned them

Spiderman Brand New Day picks up about 4 years after Spiderman No Way Home. Spidey has become the NYC everyman hero he was always meant to be. He has a crime-fighting relationship with police detective Jean DeWolff, who he has on speed dial. Spidey is beloved by the citizens of New York. He’s even on a first name basis with the Punisher. So yes, he has been established as an icon and a hero of the people. Sadly, references to Daredevil, Kingpin and even J Jonah Jameson are all absent, and that didn’t go unnoticed. But whatever.

Probably my favorite moment

Also, back from college are MJ (Zendaya) and Ned (Batalon) with small but impactful roles in Spiderman Brand New Day. Jon Bernthal’s Punisher plays no small part in the 4th Tom Holland era wall-crawler installment (even a scene-stealer). And although we’ve become accustomed to a very R rated mouth on Frank Castle, Spiderman Brand New Day handled it masterfully, in a way that only Spiderman could. Trust me.

And what would a Marvel movie be if it didn’t set up another Marvel movie, either in the course of the story or in the post credits. In this case, Spiderman Brand New Day did it in both. And that inspires at least curiosity, if not exactly hope. But curiosity is enough and I’ll keep watching.

What made Spiderman Brand New Day so good is a combination of things. Was the story good? It was decent in places, magnificent in others. It brought a beloved character into a real, multi-layered situation with real personal stakes. I didn’t cry. I didn’t see anyone crying. But there have been reports. It also brought our favorite web-head back to where he should have been all along…as a street-level, got problems of my own relatable hero. Spidey has no business with Iron Spider armor or cosmic level adventures. Friendly. Neighborhood. It’s right there in the theme song.

The action sequences were some of the best we’ve ever seen from a Marvel movie and top marks for the CGI/real life mix. In an MCU that is overfond of blowing up people/buildings/planets, I have to say that the action of a down-to-earth superdude is 100% better.

The not-so-quiet part out loud

It surely didn’t hurt Spiderman Brand New Day that there has been such a deficit of quality movies (in general) lo these past few years. In this new era of entertainment, the true standouts are few and far between. And for a fourth (or 7th, depending on how you want to look at it) movie, how is Spiderman Brand New Day the best one (because it is)? Shoot, even Die Hard crashed after the 5th installment (the sixth was greenlit then canceled). I think you have to give most of the credit to the perfect casting of Tom Holland. Amazingly likable on and off screen, he was the perfect choice…the role he was born to play.

And if I’m honest, maybe the only role he can play (his part in the Odyssey was mid at best). We love this character, we are powerless to not love him. Same with Jon Bernthal’s Punisher. Just perfect casting there.

As for the plot, it was decent. Kind of an adjustment from the cosmic level stuff he’s done up to this point, but we settled in quickly enough. This movie had the hero run an emotional spectrum. Love, loyalty, sacrifice, heartbreak, joy, hope, heroism and tragedy, and all in nearly perfect measure. Little known director Destin Daniel Cretton absolutely crushed it and clearly has a feel for the emotional elements of a great movie.* I’m noticing his name going forward.

Or fire the webshooter

My gut reaction, straight out of the theater even before putting my empty popcorn bag in the trash, was to give Spiderman Brand New Day a never-before bestowed 5 out of 5. On further consideration, I can’t quite pull the trigger, sorry. There was enough flaw with the story to knock it down just a bit. But I’ve got no problem giving it a 4.8. Is part of that because this movie soars by comparison to pretty much everything Marvel has done since Endgame and GotG3? I’m sure. But if we are in the new norm, this is what a top shelf movie is going to be. And in this case, it did whatever a spider can. It delivered.

*I saw he directed ‘The Shack’. An absolutely great movie, heartbreaking and hopeful at the same time. This movie would make Ultron cry, not kidding. See it.

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Did we learn nothing from Barbie?

‘The Odyssey…now with even more unnecessary negative hype’ could have easily been the title of this review. The very right wing factions of this world had already branded this movie as a flop, a woke travesty of a timeless piece of classic literature. And to be totally fair, there was plenty of doubt to be cast (pun intended).

I know for a fact that there are many people who skipped The Odyssey opening weekend. In truth, I nearly did. I was not in a hurry to subject myself to nearly three hours of what I had every right to suspect would be a ‘new-age reimagining’ of a society that died out long ago. But such is my dedication to doing this review. It needed to be done. And going to see Barbie taught me that pre-release chatter can often be wrong. Never too old to learn.

Two movies for the price of one

Christopher Nolan’s adaptation (based on a modern feminist telling of Homer’s Odyssey) is full of both fantasy and human avarice. Brave warriors sail the oceans, battling all manner of mythical creatures while others navigate the no-less deadly waters of the corrupted hearts of man. There are literally two separate movies that masterfully dovetail into a finale that was most satisfying. No spoilers from me, but if you have ever read The Odyssey (I haven’t but we’ve all seen it in pieces, haven’t we?) then you know how it ends.

So, let’s address the ‘hype’

In first few minutes of The Odyssey, the whole Elliot Page controversy is clarified. Page did not portray Achilles, but an Ithacan soldier named Sinon. Sinon is a character that never appears in any of Homer’s works, but in Virgil’s poem The Aeneid. Sinon is left behind after the apparent withdrawal of the Greek army at Troy. His job was to convince the Trojans that the giant horse was a gift to Athena as an appeasement. The soldiers, believing Sinon’s lie, dragged the horse inside the walls of Troy. The rest is literary history.

Sinon did reappear briefly later in the movie. But overall, Page’s screentime was maybe 4 minutes? And zero battle scenes. None. Nolan was clearly wise enough to not have this tiny warrior actually fight anyone. I think Christopher Nolan knew what he was doing with this casting choice and it might just make him brilliant.* (see my post review comments)

The second elephant in the room

Moving on, we look at the second right-wing clutching of their pearls…the casting of Lupita Nyong’o as Helen of Troy. Race swapping her from a classic Greek beauty to an African beauty was, of course, a capitulation to current (and waning) Hollywood sensibilities.

Was it a smart choice? Eh, I don’t think so but I’m kind of done second guessing Nolan on these decisions. Again, you’ll see what I mean in the post. Enough to say that Nyong’o’s** screentime was even less that Page’s. That is to say…nearly non-existent and even less impactful to the overall story. Her acting talents never had a chance to shine and her part could literally have been played by anyone. So, the decision to use a big name and race swap the character can have no other explanation other than box-checking.

Lots of big names with little or nothing to do

If you are sensing a theme here, you’re not wrong. There are a whole bunch of names in The Odyssey that had a tiny amount of screentime. Much smaller than we were expecting. Jon Bernthal had a couple of scenes, only a few lines. Charlize Theron had a comparatively larger role but honestly, could have been played by anyone. And honestly, her performance was pretty bland. Zendaya’s turn as Athena might be a bit on-the-nose, as her current Hollywood cache as a beauty is second only to Sydney Sweeney (oh but how the tongues would have wagged if he had cast her). None-the-less, Zendaya did a fine job in her limited screentime.

It’s not nit-picking

If I’m being honest with you, I thought Tom Holland was a mis-casting, also borne of name recognition. His emotional range is fairly limited, from what I’ve seen. Matt Damon was fine, I guess. But nothing deserving any kind of nominations. I would probably give Anne Hathaway a nod for her role as Penelope (and she’ll probably get it, is my guess). John Leguizamo was good as well. As was Samantha Morton as Circe the witch. Pattinson was suitably villainous.So yeah, there were some really good casting choices. But it is super clear that Nolan was stuffing The Odyssey with as much star power as he could in an effort to create a bona-fide blockbuster. And judging from our packed theater, he scored.

The Odyssey was a success

I’m happy to be able to give The Odyssey a rousing 3.9 our of 5. There aren’t very many 3.9 movies in the Average Dude’s annual watch list. And the Odyssey definitely isn’t one of them. But it is a perfectly serviceable watch. Yes, it was the usual Chris Nolan slow-burn (but not as much as Oppenheimer, that’s a fact). The pacing and mix of political intrigue and fantasy action was well done. This three hours did not feel like it was dragging and I may rewatch it again someday. But not soon.

And to be completely honest, there is a wee bit of a slam to the patriarchy and a sense of feminist scorn, as if women of that age often lamented their place in that world. Right.

So, if you can put aside your preconceived opinions, you might find yourself enjoying the Odyssey. Did it have too many stars with not enough to do? Sure. Will it actually hinder Nolan’s bid for a second Best Picture Oscar? Time will tell. .

*I watched Michael Knowles review of The Odyssey. He backs his opinion with a much deeper knowledge of the source material than most of us (read your Average Viewer) possesses. He pointed out that, in the Aeneid, Sinon was cast into the lowest level of hades for being a deceiver, a fraudster. I am wondering it that casting wasn’t actually by Nolan’s design. If so, he successfully trolled the whole world, both sides of that particular argument. And if it WAS by design, that would make Christopher Nolan brilliant.

**That is the first time I’ve ever had to add an apostrophe twice in the same word.

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Where was Frau Blucher?

Happy America 250, everybody! Your humble Average Dude hopes you had a joyous and safe long holiday weekend! This year, Hollywood has given us not one but TWO options deserving a view and review. Option 1 was always going to be option 1 for America 250 weekend…Young Washington (not to be confused with Young Frankenstein). And it did not disappoint.

Historical accuracy counts…but not this weekend

Now, the Average Dude has no illusions that Young Washington is a strictly accurate historical telling of our first president and great national icon. Maybe I’ll do an update sometime and maybe it will affect my overall rating. But not right now. Nope. We love our 4th of July and we love it even more this year. So, let’s take a moment and breathe in the freedom. And in the recent words of an infamous celebrity…

Perspective, people

Pro-American sentiment has not been this high since probably 9/11/2001. World Cup visitors are everywhere you look online, heaping praises on Americans in general. They are voicing astonishment at the endless blessings that we enjoy daily. If we can’t set aside politics for one day and just recognize that we have more (of everything) than any other country in the world (and in all of history) then…well, there’s something wrong with your thinking.

Wherever you fall on the Have to Have Not spectrum, objectively, your place on a worldwide scale is much, much higher than it may be on a strictly US scale. And NOWHERE ELSE do you have MORE freedom to change that. Again, not political. Just truth. But I digress.

I blame Nintendo

Young Washington is less about patriotism and more about ambition and the will to achieve. George was not born into the privileged class. While not exactly poor (his family were tenant farmers and definitely looked down upon by the British high-borne of the day), George was not content with what everyone told him was his lot in life.

Denied even a basic formal schooling, he threw himself into what we would now consider a ‘home school’ education. At an age when most of current American youth are watching Transformers or Spidey and Friends or Encanto for the 30th time, Young Washington was reading philosophers and books on etiquette and social practical skills. He was constantly, fervently trying to improve himself. Wow. What more need we say about how he came to be one of the greatest heroes in any era, in any history. Just…wow.

Bold, bordering on brash, Young Washington used an illusion of breeding, guile, an intricate knowledge of social etiquette and buckets of charm to finagle his name onto some influential lips. Having gained a surveyor’s license along with inherited equipment, Young Washington parlayed those small skills into the employ of the Fairfax family, one of the most influential landowners of the era. This kind of stepping-stone becomes a theme in this movie. And George is ever looking for the next stone.

Few names, but one you will soon see more of

There are not many known names associated with Young Washington. Kelsey Grammar had a small part (Lord Thomas Fairfax). Mary-Louise Parker as George’s mother. Andy Serkis played a proper English [insert your preferred vulgar British sobriquet). And of course, the always amazing Ben Kingsley. But make no mistake, William Franklyn-Miller as Young Washington is an absolute revelation. I’ll be keeping an eye out for his next film. A quick check of his IMDB resume showed me absolutely nothing that I recognized, but whatever. Young Washington is Miller’s launch pad. Mark my words.

SO…the Average Dude is giving Young Washington a revolutionary score of 4/5. Not an annual watch, for sure. But totally worth your time and corn. Now, on to the second feature…

Was Lucky Strike a lucky find?

Right out of the gate, I have to wonder why Lucky Strike had only a single showing each day. Opening weekend? That’s a bit of a red flag and I’ll see what I can find out about why that was. But it was a WII movie, and it’s Fourth of July weekend AND it stars Scott Eastwood (the progeny of one Clint Eastwood) so sure. We’ll give it a try. Plus, we’ve been starved for good movies for so long and we’re kind of desperate. So. Long.

Lucky Strike is the ‘based on actual events’ story of…no one in particular. From what I can gather (post viewing), the ‘actual events’ claim comes by way of ‘these things did happen in the war’. Seems kind of disingenuous but again…

Lucky Strike tells the story of fictitious Army Captain Castle, tasked with taking out a road and preventing a German SS Panzer division from getting to Allied forces during the Battle of the Bulge. Capt. Castle’s entire squad it mowed down by a German patrol, but Castle manages to complete his mission. The bulk of Lucky Strike is about how an injured American soldier, wounded and alone, makes his way nearly 20 miles to safety across terrain crawling with German soldiers. Pretty typical WWII scenario.

Pretty much, the whole of this movie was Scott Eastwood overcoming obstacles (and Germans) in a ‘Behind Enemy Lines’ type of get home safe movie. He didn’t have any secret plans, no mission critical intel that would save the battalion. Just one dude trying to get home alive. And that was enough. The pacing was tight, the perils believable*. The outcomes were never in doubt. That didn’t take anything away from Lucky Strike. Knowing he would survive (because we learned it in the first 5 minutes of the movie) only changed the focus from ‘will he make it’ to ‘how much sh!t will he go through to make it?’.

I learned after the fact that there were quite a few technical details that this movie got wrong or completely ignored. WWII buffs might be disappointed by these details. Even now, knowing what they got wrong does not detract from my enjoyment of Lucky Strike (to any significant degree, anyway). In the end, it was about one dude overcoming obstacles to survive. And again, that was enough.

So, the Average Dude is giving Lucky Strike a serviceable 3.5 out of 5. Also not an annual watch but a nice way to finish off the holiday weekend. See it now, while the spirit of America 250 still lingers. That should help your enjoyment factor.

*If you want unbelievable WWII perils, might I suggest SISU. You’re welcome.

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Supergirl: getting the bad out of the way first

As usual, your humble Average Dude avoids reviews until after I’ve seen a movie with my own two eyes. From me, you get the most untainted opinion possible.

Did you learn nothing from Rachel Zegler?

Having said that, it was very literally impossible to avoid the whispers of how galactically awful Supergirl was going to be. I remained hopeful even in the face of the pre-release excuses Milly Alcock was schlepping out. I also recall the scuttlebutt surrounding opening weekend for The Thunderbolts* being bad. Your AD really liked that movie. So yeah, I still had hope that Supergirl might at least be okay. I was SO wrong.

Darn my starry-eyed optimism

This half of my weekly review is going to be thankfully short. If you saw the trailers for Supergirl, you’ve seen the movie. It was one contrived battle scene after another. Angsty, too-cool-for-you twenty-something girl is all about her woe-is-me life. Too self-involved to see the bigger picture outside of her own little bubble. Its been done to death. We get it already.

Was there a ‘hero’s journey? Well, it was a journey, I’ll say that. Kind of like the long drive home from your in-law’s house after a weekend of listening to them talk about their new aches and pains and medications. Did Kara Zor-El become a hero at the end? Ehhh…

Was there a dark night of the soul? It pretty much felt like one constant dark night of the soul, to be honest. No real moment where you thought that Supergirl might actually be facing a crossroads and have to choose…anything, really. No personal growth. Not a lick of empathy for anyone other than her dog (at least there was that).

Krem of the Meh

Was there a truly threatening, powerful and malevolent bad-guy to root against? Nah. More like a galactic street-level gang boss, thugging around with a vacant, wide-eyed look, morally oblivious to pretty much every pain he inflicted. Krem (I had to work to remember his name) was a comically empty character. The only thing that this actor did to make Krem his own – he seemed to always be eating. Maybe he borrowed that from RDJ (famous for hiding snacks on set).

Even the cinematography was wretched. Either I’m old (I’m not) and my eyesight is going south, or every scene was unwatchably dark. I mean, if Milly has any kind of acting range you wouldn’t know it because I just couldn’t see her face clearly enough to judge it.

You canna change the laws of physics

And for the love of heaven, was there nobody in connection with this movie that knows enough about physics to say ‘Uh…this can’t be done…’

Lo-moa

We’re done here. Short summary. Supergirl gets a less than super score of 2/5. The only bright spot in this movie was Jason Momoa’s Lobo (because who doesn’t love Momoa?). Sadly, he could have been completely removed from this movie and it would have changed exactly zero.

I just wasn’t strong enough…

So, let’s talk about Citizen Vigilante. Movies wrapped in controversy aren’t always going to get a review. I couldn’t bring myself to see Rachel Zegler’s Snow White and I’m not going to apologize for that. I love bringing you these reviews, but I’m only human. That would have been akin to volunteering to have my knuckles smashed with a hammer.

Now, Citizen Vigilante? That’s at least a controversy I can understand. And it’s worth discussing.

Citizen Vigilante is the story of a very wealthy individual (Armie Hammer, and we’ll get to him later) who sees the massive amount of pain heaped on everyday people by lawless, violent segments of the populous emboldened and enabled by corrupt governments. Law abiding citizens can’t even defend themselves – or even cry out for help – fearing severe penalties by the government that is supposed to protect them. For reasons as yet undefined, Sanders (his only name. Like Madonna only less vile) uses his impressive financial and mental resources to reign brutal ‘justice’ to the (presumably) guilty.

Chuck Bronson did it first

The story of Citizen Vigilante is a simple, classic trope. Justice denied turns to vengeance. I’m old enough to at least remember the whole Charles Bronson Death Wish franchise from the 70s (though I was too young to see them, thank you very much). Those were not very controversial back in the day. I think that people still had some confidence that the bad guys (for the most part) would be punished. At least for some regions of the world, that confidence is gone. And that is beyond tragic.

So far, we’ve not seen his like in actual practice, but the heart of this story is torn straight from today’s headlines. That is the whole point of Citizen Vigilante.

No wonder it’s gone viral

Obviously, this movie is making certain governments look really bad. And they are fighting by claiming that it will spawn copycat vigilantes, willing to take the law into their own hands. It might, that’s the thing. And there is a significant segment of society that will applaud those vigilantes for dispensing ‘justice’ when the powers that be would not. I’m not here to debate the rightness or wrongness of it all. I’m just stating the facts.

And, if we are being honest, Citizen Vigilante is a fantasy secretly harbored by many, who see the societal decay ravaging some European countries. It’s a sick fantasy, yes. But when we see the fall of free and just and moral society happening before our eyes, those fantasies are understandable.

Clearly, I’m in the majority

Citizen Vigilante is not a bad watch. Armie Hammer did a credible job in the title role, bringing a cold, meticulous malevolence when dropping the hammer (too on the nose? I couldn’t resist) to the bad guys. And the parallels to today’s headlines were. of course, on purpose. Whether this was planned as a built in marketing tactic or a cry for change, I can’t tell. Maybe both. Knowing which might make a difference in whether you watch it or not. For me, it wasn’t an issue. The message was more powerful than the motive.

Food for thought

Citizen Vigilante tapped into some very real emotions that are hard-wired into most of us. Hope in our knowledge of basic right and wrong. Punishment of evil. Fear of abandonment. Rage at betrayal of our trust.

Sanders becomes the avatar of justice, reminding us that the governments often (maybe mostly) aren’t here to serve us, but to serve themselves. That’s a big part of the message and it’s really hard to logically deny. And even though his actions are definitely ‘against the law’, it begs the conversation ‘Does that make them wrong?’

I’m not saying Citizen Vigilante is Citizen Kane. It isn’t. It’s a pretty formulaic movie that is given power by present circumstances. Timing, as they say, is everything. It definitely stokes the fires of anger and frustration. I’m not even saying that’s a good or bad thing. I will say that the answer to that question lies inside of each of us. Does it inspire us to take action (good or ill) or fuel depression (definitely ill)? It should at least inspire thought. If it doesn’t, well, you are in my prayers.

Until Citizen Vigilante 2

Either way, whatever way, your Average Dude is giving Citizen Vigilante a solid 3.2 out of 5. There is some unnecessarily graphic sex that shows Sanders has the same physical drives as any red-blooded male, and that adds a bit of depth to the character. But come on. We could have easily gotten the point in a lot less pornographic way. That seems to be the way of Hollywood these past few years. I’m not a fan of that trend.

And there will almost certainly be a Citizen Vigilante 2. I’ll be interested to see some back-story on how Sanders came to be who he is. That story will either validate the franchise or destroy it. Will the powers that be try to influence the story or will the it continue to ‘fight the system’? I’m hoping it doubles down, tbh.

And don’t think I’ve forgotten about the whole Armie Hammer controversy. He was cancelled for quite a long stretch because of reports of some truly heinous stuff. Hammer has denied all allegations of ‘non-consensual’ behavior, but openly admits to being in a very unhealthy place at that time. I have no idea if any of it is true. Nobody does. Let that factor in to whether you watch Citizen Vigilante or give it a pass.

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Disclosure Day suckered us in again

In point of fact: it has been no less than 25 years since Steven Spielberg helmed a quantifiable, undisputed, world-wide mega blockbuster. That movie was Saving Private Ryan and it graced our screens in 1998. There have been a few notable movies since, sure (Minority Report, War of the Worlds). But the last movie in his unmatched career that your humble Average Dude would consider an annual watch was nearly a decade ago (Ready Player One, a marvelously original geek-fest). Since that last W, Spielberg has brought us a mere trio of movies: The Fabelmans (yawn), West Side Story (don’t even get me started), and Disclosure Day. Here then, is my unvarnished review. As one of the greatest cinematic villains of all time said…

Kind of like Edward Snowden

Disclosure Day promised to be the ‘story’ of how an everyman of great conscience threw off the shackles of secrecy to bring truth to the people regarding one of the biggest questions the world has had since before I was born…are we alone in the universe? Dr of cybersecurity David Kellner, working for a shadowy government agency, steals evidence of E.T. existence and skedaddles out of town, intent on spilling all the beans. Somewhere along the way, he is granted mathematical super-powers by the aliens. Powers that allow him to interpret their language, which manifests in a series of guttural throat clicks.

Speaking of that…

For reasons unexplained, the aliens have decided to imbue a weather announcer from Kansas City (GO CHIEFS!) with some level of empathic super-powers. One of those abilities seems to be speaking in their tongue (if indeed they have that appendage). I won’t go into any further detail on those powers. That’s for you to discover on your own. If so inclined.

Disclosure Day hits hard, but not how you expect

So, why such a meager score? I mean, this is Spielberg! His bona fidas are well-established. He is the GOAT. He’s the Tom Brady of blockbuster movies. Do I even need to list them? That was rhetorical, I do not. There are no less than 10 of his movies on my annual watch list. That’s why this very ‘meh’ offering hits hard.

We are all wondering the same

The short list of problems with Disclosure Day: it is a muddled, meandering chase story with a villain posessing all the technology known to man (and some definitely NOT known to man) and yet seeming totally inept. I mean, come on. They let their greatest secrets sneak out the door and their private army is unable to capture a lone rogue scientist who is pretty much on foot. The ‘why’ of so much that happens never get answered in this WAAAY overlong mess. I have been heard to liken Disclosure Day to a Junior in High School student writing a screenplay that is part Close Encounters and part E.T. Brutal but accurate, I think.

The elephant in the room

There are some of us (myself included) that believe Steven Spielberg’s very public comments – that Disclosure Day will make you question your faith – to be nothing more than an attempt to get people talking about his movie. And perhaps to get a few people looking to find out what the heck he is talking about. Oh, and to spend their money. That’s what your humble Average Dude thinks.

The alternative is that Spielberg is so completely unknowledgeable about the core tenants of Christianity that he thinks the suggestion that a movie about aliens existing is going to shake it’s foundations. Its as if the concept wasn’t done (and done much better) in 1977 by little movie titled Close Encounters of the Third Kind. If true, that would actually worse than using social media to gin up controversy and interest.

Nah, I think it’s the former. Certainly the architect of some of the most beloved cinema in history – and that includes two movies where the existence of God and the divinity of His son are primary elements – knows something about our faith. So yeah, I think it was a marketing tactic. In the end though, it’s not going to win him any fans. And neither will this movie.

The big reveal

So, in utter disappointment, I am revealing that Disclosure Day deserves only a 2.2 out of 5. At best, it’s a slog. A yawner. Lackluster and uninspired. At worst, it’s a desperate attempt to relive his past glories.

And no. It does not shake my faith in God. Not one jot or tiddle. If that helps you to decide whether or not to spend your money, time and corn on it, then my job here is done.

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Obsession shocks the world, but not how you think

Everyone loves an underdog, don’t they? All the great Hollywood stories start with an underdog. Rocky. The Karate Kid. Cinderella Man. Even Star Wars. All classics, all tales of the little guy overcoming every obstacle, beating the odds and emerging on top. We eat it up. Maybe it’s because we all see ourselves as an underdog? I have opinions on that subject, but they aren’t for this venue. Whatever. It is hardly debatable that we, as a nation and possibly a human race, root for the guy (or girl) refusing to submit to the inevitable. And that’s the real attraction of Obsession.

The story told in Obsession is basically this: lovelorn wimp Bear (Michael Johnston) is so desperate to have the affection of long-time friend Nikki (Inde Navarrette) that he is willing to place his futile hopes on a witchcraft novelty toy, the One Wish Willow. For $6.99, Bear purchases what any sane person would know to be an impulse-buy of no actual value to force Nikki to give him what he desires…her love. It’s not hard to wrap your head around Bear’s motivations on their face. Self-serving, immature, even delusional want. The motivations of a child. It’s not until you dig a little deeper that Obsession starts to get ugly (or uglier, if you like).

Credit where credit is due

Right from jump street, I want to say that the two lead actors gave very serviceable performances. If Johnston isn’t a spineless wimp IRL, then he did a remarkable job in the role. His character was 100% cringe and that seems like it would be hard to believably pull off. Navarrette absolutely sold the part of an obsessed, psychotic girlfriend. I imagine that would be an easier part to play because it only demands that you commit to the over-the-top antics (think Jim Carey in nearly every role). So, kudos to them. Well done.

As for every other role in Obsession…well…I feel like pretty much anyone with a lick of acting courage could have filled the bill. Oddly, the only name of note was Andy Richter, of Conan Obrien second banana fame. How or why he was in this movie is a mystery. Blink and you’ll miss him, if you even knew who he was to begin with. But whatever.

You just got Punk’d. By a rookie.

Unless you’ve been living under a rock when it comes to Hollywood news, you already know the story behind the story. Obsession was written and directed by YouTuber Curry Barker and is his first wide-release horror movie. It was made on a budget of $750k and shot over a period of just weeks. To this date, it has grossed over $166M. Eat your heart out, Scream 7.

Obsession now exists in the rarified air of The Blair Witch Project in terms of budget-to-revenue percentage. If Hollywood isn’t panicking right now, the studios have surely created a department of non-mainstream talent acquisition. With ever rising production costs and insane star salaries, they’d be fools not to take note of the Obsession lesson.

I’m still trying to figure that out

So how did Obsession get so popular? In a time when theaters are struggling, what is putting butts in seats for this movie? I have a couple of theories, and none of them are awesome. I’d be very interested in having open discussions. Here goes nothing…

Content consumption is at an all-time high and not slowing down. In the long-ago, CC was considered an event. Dad and Mom would get gussied up to go to the theater and see the latest Humphrey Bogart movie.

Then along came television. Content Consumption took a massive leap upward. Moms would watch their ‘stories’ while folding the laundry. Kids would get up early on Saturday to watch cartoons. Then came HBO (now over 50 years old, and that bakes my melon). CC is now available 24/7.

Not long after, cable tv. The internet and streaming services. All content, all the time, in your pocket, on a device with more computing power than the room-sized magnetic tape spinning devices that sent astronauts to the moon. All in our lifetime.

So, it comes as zero surprise that a little guy YouTuber created something that captured an amazing amount of attention. When content comes from everywhere, constantly bombarding us with choices for our addiction to distraction, lightning was going to strike somewhere away from the Hollywood machine. And you can bet it won’t be the last.

But there has to be more to it, doesn’t there?

When I look at the male lead character for Obsession, I see a pitiable, weak, directionless, borderline slacker in the company of other slightly less pitiable characters. And I wonder…does this very low-T character resonate with young adults these days? Are they so scared that they can’t muster the courage to ask a girl out? So desperate that they will try anything? Even novelty witchcraft? Do young men sit in their cars alone at night screaming in frustration because they lack the confidence to go after their current heart’s desire?

These are some of the deeper issues that the popularity of Obsession brings to mind. Just observing the decline of maturity and stoicism in youth today. I guess that kind of empathy is something that usually comes with age.

SO…your humble Average Dude is going to give Obsession a wimpy 2 stars out of 5. A sad score for a sad movie. I went to see it partly out of curiosity, partly because my best friend’s eldest wanted a Dude’s night and it was his choice. We both agreed that we should have seen Backrooms instead.

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I was really looking forward to finding out how the horse got on the roof*

Your humble Average Dude is a fan of Nate Bargatze’s comedy, and I’m not really sure why. Is it because he has a very self-effacing style? Is it because he has amazing deadpan delivery and perfect timing? Could it be because his comedy is clean enough to watch with your grandmother? Or Mother Superior? Possibly. But there are lots of clean comics out there. And most comics have an understanding of timing. So what is it about Nate Bargatze that has captured us and propelled him to the point where Hollywood comes calling? I don’t know and at the end of the day, I don’t really care. I just know that I’m totally here for it.

Admittedly, I think I’ve only seen one full Nate Bargatze standup show start to finish. But nearly every single day I watch at least one of his YouTube or Facebook shorts. They make my day better. For about 30 seconds a shot, I get to forget all the doom-scroll negativity or day-to-day drudgery. And I love that. I need that.

But can he stick the landing?

I’ll admit I had some concern about the transition from standup to cinema. It seems like most comedians who get a level of success in clubs and then on Netflix eventually try to make the leap. Some are successful (Eddie Murphy is the one that comes immediately to mind). But there are others that just. Can’t. Do it.

Take Bert Kreischer. Probably the funniest standup show of my lifetime was The Machine. I laughed until my face was a soaking wet mess and my gut hurt for a day. So I was psyched to see the movie adaptation of that story. If you missed it (and you probably did), my review of that movie was…not great. But I’m a courageous fellow, so I rolled the dice on The Breadwinner. That, and Mrs Average Dude wanted to see it. Plus, there really wasn’t much else to see this week (what a surprise).

Mr Keaton, you are needed on set

I don’t know how many of you will remember the 1983 movie Mr Mom starring Michael Keaton. When people think about the home life role reversal scenario, that movie is kind of the OG gold standard to which all others are compared. So, The Breadwinner really isn’t breaking any new ground here. Hard-working provider dad is thrust into the world of the hard-working homemaker and finds out how hilariously inept and unprepared he is. Sitcoms have been mining this trope since the beginning. It’s classic situational comedy. I don’t really need to describe the movie any more than that.

It would be akin to beating a puppy in public

What sets The Breadwinner apart is both obvious and difficult to capture. Personality. Character. Likeability. These are qualities that Nate Bargatze possesses in quantum amounts. And in today’s world, those qualities are in high demand. Nate Bargatze is an unapologetic family man. His comedy is intelligent and clever (his SNL bits are priceless). He never yells, never debases anyone. He is non-political. His comedy is not divisive. How can he NOT be popular? I have not seen or heard of a single person, institution or entity that has anything bad to say about him or his comedy. In today’s social landscape, that’s unheard of.

The Black Widow Effect

As funny as Nate Bargatze is, it’s not unfair to point out that The Breadwinner imports more than one or two of the star’s standup moments. So it’s not 100% original material, sad to say. And there is a pretty decent supporting cast. Colin Jost, also a stay at home dad, is hilariously on-the-nose. Will Forte was even more inept in his role and they played off each other like two of the Three Stooges.

So yeah, Bargatze had help. But in the end, the heart of this movie is the audience belief that Bargatze is that guy, with all the faults and foolishness and misguided good intentions. I don’t know if that’s actually who he is, but I choose to believe it is. Because I want to believe it.

So, I am glad to give The Breadwinner a very decent score of 3.7 out of 5. There were plenty of chuckles and laughs (if no outright gut-busters). It was an entertaining and wholesome movie. Maybe you wait for it to get to Netflix, I would not blame you. But I don’t hate that I saw it in my moviehaus. Either way, wherever you want to see it, go ahead. That’s my recommendation. Couldn’t we all use an hour and 35 minutes of wholesome? Rhetorical. Of course we can.

*Oh, and FYI, the horse never does get on the roof. I deducted .1 for dishonsety on the movie poster.

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Mandalorian and Grogu is a step in the right direction

Once again, a whole lot of the Hollywood movie critic tribe is bashing hard on Mandalorian and Grogu, and I have to call them out for it. It has almost become cliche to bag on Disney over the past few years. That beat-down is well deserved. I don’t have to go over the laundry list of reasons, you are all very aware of them.

Surely it can’t get worse than the Acolyte…can it?

So, you can kind of understand how anyone might roll into Mandalorian and Grogu with trepidation…like we might get another like the thrice-darned* Acolyte. Would they do that to our beloved Yodababy?** History has taught us that no Star Wars heresy is off the table. So yeah. I understand the caution. I get it.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it

But if you want to do the job of movie critic, you have to widen the gaze. You have to check your preconceptions at the concession stand. Often tough, I’ll grant you. But if you want to be trusted, you have to do it. So I do it.

Mandalorian and Grogu was about as safe a Star Wars movie as you can get

Remember in A New Hope when we saw a brief glimpse of a burned up Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru? As a kid, that was pretty ghastly. Today’s littles might not register that as even slightly shocking. and  Mandalorian and Grogu didn’t have that much viseral content. So yeah, this movie was as close to PG as you can get and still get the PG13 rating. Lots of bloodless violence, just the way Star Wars made it starting out. Which is funny, if you think about how many billions were killed between the destruction of Alderaan AND the ‘sploding of the Death Star. The body count is actually up there. But I digress.

The point is, I could take my 6 year old Naise to see it and we’d be fine. No trauma to deal with in his later years.

Darned if you do, darned if you don’t

So why all the hate for Mandalorian and Grogu? It was clearly a buddy action flick with no other agenda than to tell a single adventure. Yes, it was short on story. When Sigourney Weaver brought Mando in on a mission ‘to see what the Empire is up to’, you knew it was not going to be an Interstellar-level brain bender. And I was fine with that. More than fine, actually. It was a welcome break.

Mandalorian and Grogu was not going to try to stuff in as much SW lore or future movie foreshadowing as they could. It wasn’t going to rely on you knowing everything about every movie, cartoon or book that was ever created a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

And very thankfully, it contained no noticeable SJW agenda or current socio-political commentary. It was two really good guys dealing a beat-down to really bad guys. Simple as that.

 

And it had Yodababy

I guess that’s what bugs me about all the detractors and critics bashing on Mandalorian and Grogu. Disney took out all the stuff that made Acolyte a garbage compactor fire and made it like Star Wars was meant to be, and the critics cry foul because it didn’t further the lore. Gimme a break. Just enjoy the things that it did deliver. It was well-paced. There was action (the opening sequence was great!). It had loyalty, bravery, self-sacrifice. It had heart. Something that has been mostly lacking in the Star Wars offerings for a while now.

Star Wars Goonies

Mandalorian and Grogu was very much like SW: Skeleton Crew. In fact, Skeleton Crew had a more intricate story. And they both had an innocence more akin to A New Hope. I’m here to tell you that isn’t a bad thing at all. In A New Hope there was no lore yet. No backstory to be mindful of. And no future plans past three space heroes (and two dinged up droids) wearing medals and smiling for the crowd. A simple story with lovable characters. And we adored it. So I ask the question again…why can’t we love Mandalorian and Grogu the same way? Answer: we can. ‘Critics’ be darned.

Therefore…The Average Dude is proudly giving Mandalorian and Grogu at solid 4 out of 5. Could it have had a bit more story to it? Sure. And some of the action sequences really seemed far fetched (you’ll see what I mean). But was it fun? Absolutely. Did I laugh? Yep, in places and mostly due to Yodababy. And unlike last week’s disappointment, I had someone (or two) to root for. I mean, who’s not going to cheer for Mandalorian and Grogu? So quit all the hating and saying Star Wars is dead. This is a step in the right direction. And if we want to save it, we need to recognize that.

*In keeping with the PG/PG 13 theme for Mandalorian and Grogu

**One of my littles hates it when I call Grogu Yodababy. I poke that little bear every chance I get.

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In The Grey – the trailer sold the movie

Talk about your hit or miss directors! I get hopeful when I see Guy Ritchie’s name attached to a movie. I get even more hopeful when I see talent like Jake Gyllenhaal and Henry Cavill attatched. It’s easy to remember his top-shelf annual watch successes like the Sherlock Holmes series, Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Even his near misses like Man from U.N.C.L.E were entertaining. It makes you forget disappointments like The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. That’s how I felt about In The Grey. Like Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, a movie stuffed with great actors with a genuinely exciting premise, it seemed like a sure-fire winner.

And then it wasn’t

I genuinely don’t know what to make of Guy Ritchie. We can’t say it’s because of the acting talent. You’d be hard-pressed to assemble a better cast than In The Grey. Gyllenhaal and Cavill are bona fide A-Listers. Rosamund Pike and Eiza González are certainly well-known. So what went wrong? Can’t a star-studded cast turn a mediocre story into a hit? Wellllll…

I know what I said

Last week’s review of Mortal Kombat II, I pointed out that retread, predictable, mediocre story + Karl Urban = a decent enough movie. And for MKII, it did. That was just one talented actor. So, wouldn’t more be…more? Apparently not.

So what was the problem with In The Grey? After giving it a bit of thought (which is what you come to expect from me) I think it was the story itself. On multiple levels.

The story of In The Grey was just what the title claims…a story of people making insane amounts of money doing legal but morally questionable things to people doing illegal and morally despicable things. No redemption arc that would have made this a better movie. Not even some internal conflict about motivations or ends justifying means. Just rich people busting the balls of other rich people, with no other motivation than loyalty to one another and to the job at hand. People willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the goal. That’s the first problem with this story.

But wait…there’s more!

Setting aside that we, as normal, average people with a moral compass that has something other than $$$ as its magnetic north, there’s the actual storytelling structure. In The Grey spent an abnormally large amount of its runtime defining and explaining multiple plans for how this movie would play out if all went perfectly. Spoiler that isn’t really a spoiler: it didn’t. I mean, they spent a really long time explaining these things. Not necessary. We get the premise. Plan in place. Plan goes off the rails. Chaos ensues.

What you would expect is a lot of time exploring the stars reaction to their thwarted plan, their emotional struggles. Maybe even a dark night of the soul moment. In The Grey didn’t really have any of that. We were already having struggles emotionally connecting with these characters who live in a totally different (and also, not really real) jet-set/soldier of fortune lifestyle. We couldn’t even have empathy for them on any human level because they were all so emotionally vacant.

Give us the upside

Sure it had action. But action for action’s sake is not much more than background noise. I can’t remember a single action sequence in this movie that sticks out. We’ve seen it all before. And without any investment in the characters, holding your breath to see if they live or die doesn’t happen. I guess if I had to put a pin in the best thing about this movie, I’d say it was Jake Gyllenhaal. In his screentime, he brought as much personality as he could. And his scene from the trailer where he was cautioning Gary to stand quietly in the corner? That was the best scene of this movie. And THAT is the biggest disappointment.

 

So, I am giving In The Grey a very ‘meh’ 2.8 out of 5. There’s nothing new here. Screentime for the headliners was pretty minimal. Henry Cavill was so unmemorable that I can’t even recall one scene of his that stood out. Eiza González had the most minutes. But how much entertainment value can the ‘soulless, tough as nails corporate attorney looking pretty and kicking legal @$$’ provide? This movie was somewhat short on actual action, LOOOONG on exposition and really short on heart. Pretty people doing selfish things and it’s gotten old. And boring. It felt like Ritchie might have been phoning this one in, sad to say. Full disclosure: I nodded off during the big finale action sequence. What does that tell you?

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