Category: Movie Reviews

Mandalorian and Grogu is a step in the right direction

Once again, a whole lot of the Hollywood movie critic tribe is bashing hard on Mandalorian and Grogu, and I have to call them out for it. It has almost become cliche to bag on Disney over the past few years. That beat-down is well deserved. I don’t have to go over the laundry list of reasons, you are all very aware of them.

Surely it can’t get worse than the Acolyte…can it?

So, you can kind of understand how anyone might roll into Mandalorian and Grogu with trepidation…like we might get another like the thrice-darned* Acolyte. Would they do that to our beloved Yodababy?** History has taught us that no Star Wars heresy is off the table. So yeah. I understand the caution. I get it.

You knew the job was dangerous when you took it

But if you want to do the job of movie critic, you have to widen the gaze. You have to check your preconceptions at the concession stand. Often tough, I’ll grant you. But if you want to be trusted, you have to do it. So I do it.

Mandalorian and Grogu was about as safe a Star Wars movie as you can get

Remember in A New Hope when we saw a brief glimpse of a burned up Uncle Owen and Aunt Beru? As a kid, that was pretty ghastly. Today’s littles might not register that as even slightly shocking. and  Mandalorian and Grogu didn’t have that much viseral content. So yeah, this movie was as close to PG as you can get and still get the PG13 rating. Lots of bloodless violence, just the way Star Wars made it starting out. Which is funny, if you think about how many billions were killed between the destruction of Alderaan AND the ‘sploding of the Death Star. The body count is actually up there. But I digress.

The point is, I could take my 6 year old Naise to see it and we’d be fine. No trauma to deal with in his later years.

Darned if you do, darned if you don’t

So why all the hate for Mandalorian and Grogu? It was clearly a buddy action flick with no other agenda than to tell a single adventure. Yes, it was short on story. When Sigourney Weaver brought Mando in on a mission ‘to see what the Empire is up to’, you knew it was not going to be an Interstellar-level brain bender. And I was fine with that. More than fine, actually. It was a welcome break.

Mandalorian and Grogu was not going to try to stuff in as much SW lore or future movie foreshadowing as they could. It wasn’t going to rely on you knowing everything about every movie, cartoon or book that was ever created a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.

And very thankfully, it contained no noticeable SJW agenda or current socio-political commentary. It was two really good guys dealing a beat-down to really bad guys. Simple as that.

 

And it had Yodababy

I guess that’s what bugs me about all the detractors and critics bashing on Mandalorian and Grogu. Disney took out all the stuff that made Acolyte a garbage compactor fire and made it like Star Wars was meant to be, and the critics cry foul because it didn’t further the lore. Gimme a break. Just enjoy the things that it did deliver. It was well-paced. There was action (the opening sequence was great!). It had loyalty, bravery, self-sacrifice. It had heart. Something that has been mostly lacking in the Star Wars offerings for a while now.

Star Wars Goonies

Mandalorian and Grogu was very much like SW: Skeleton Crew. In fact, Skeleton Crew had a more intricate story. And they both had an innocence more akin to A New Hope. I’m here to tell you that isn’t a bad thing at all. In A New Hope there was no lore yet. No backstory to be mindful of. And no future plans past three space heroes (and two dinged up droids) wearing medals and smiling for the crowd. A simple story with lovable characters. And we adored it. So I ask the question again…why can’t we love Mandalorian and Grogu the same way? Answer: we can. ‘Critics’ be darned.

Therefore…The Average Dude is proudly giving Mandalorian and Grogu at solid 4 out of 5. Could it have had a bit more story to it? Sure. And some of the action sequences really seemed far fetched (you’ll see what I mean). But was it fun? Absolutely. Did I laugh? Yep, in places and mostly due to Yodababy. And unlike last week’s disappointment, I had someone (or two) to root for. I mean, who’s not going to cheer for Mandalorian and Grogu? So quit all the hating and saying Star Wars is dead. This is a step in the right direction. And if we want to save it, we need to recognize that.

*In keeping with the PG/PG 13 theme for Mandalorian and Grogu

**One of my littles hates it when I call Grogu Yodababy. I poke that little bear every chance I get.

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In The Grey – the trailer sold the movie

Talk about your hit or miss directors! I get hopeful when I see Guy Ritchie’s name attached to a movie. I get even more hopeful when I see talent like Jake Gyllenhaal and Henry Cavill attatched. It’s easy to remember his top-shelf annual watch successes like the Sherlock Holmes series, Snatch or Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels. Even his near misses like Man from U.N.C.L.E were entertaining. It makes you forget disappointments like The Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare. That’s how I felt about In The Grey. Like Ministry of Ungentlemanly Warfare, a movie stuffed with great actors with a genuinely exciting premise, it seemed like a sure-fire winner.

And then it wasn’t

I genuinely don’t know what to make of Guy Ritchie. We can’t say it’s because of the acting talent. You’d be hard-pressed to assemble a better cast than In The Grey. Gyllenhaal and Cavill are bona fide A-Listers. Rosamund Pike and Eiza González are certainly well-known. So what went wrong? Can’t a star-studded cast turn a mediocre story into a hit? Wellllll…

I know what I said

Last week’s review of Mortal Kombat II, I pointed out that retread, predictable, mediocre story + Karl Urban = a decent enough movie. And for MKII, it did. That was just one talented actor. So, wouldn’t more be…more? Apparently not.

So what was the problem with In The Grey? After giving it a bit of thought (which is what you come to expect from me) I think it was the story itself. On multiple levels.

The story of In The Grey was just what the title claims…a story of people making insane amounts of money doing legal but morally questionable things to people doing illegal and morally despicable things. No redemption arc that would have made this a better movie. Not even some internal conflict about motivations or ends justifying means. Just rich people busting the balls of other rich people, with no other motivation than loyalty to one another and to the job at hand. People willing to do whatever it takes to achieve the goal. That’s the first problem with this story.

But wait…there’s more!

Setting aside that we, as normal, average people with a moral compass that has something other than $$$ as its magnetic north, there’s the actual storytelling structure. In The Grey spent an abnormally large amount of its runtime defining and explaining multiple plans for how this movie would play out if all went perfectly. Spoiler that isn’t really a spoiler: it didn’t. I mean, they spent a really long time explaining these things. Not necessary. We get the premise. Plan in place. Plan goes off the rails. Chaos ensues.

What you would expect is a lot of time exploring the stars reaction to their thwarted plan, their emotional struggles. Maybe even a dark night of the soul moment. In The Grey didn’t really have any of that. We were already having struggles emotionally connecting with these characters who live in a totally different (and also, not really real) jet-set/soldier of fortune lifestyle. We couldn’t even have empathy for them on any human level because they were all so emotionally vacant.

Give us the upside

Sure it had action. But action for action’s sake is not much more than background noise. I can’t remember a single action sequence in this movie that sticks out. We’ve seen it all before. And without any investment in the characters, holding your breath to see if they live or die doesn’t happen. I guess if I had to put a pin in the best thing about this movie, I’d say it was Jake Gyllenhaal. In his screentime, he brought as much personality as he could. And his scene from the trailer where he was cautioning Gary to stand quietly in the corner? That was the best scene of this movie. And THAT is the biggest disappointment.

 

So, I am giving In The Grey a very ‘meh’ 2.8 out of 5. There’s nothing new here. Screentime for the headliners was pretty minimal. Henry Cavill was so unmemorable that I can’t even recall one scene of his that stood out. Eiza González had the most minutes. But how much entertainment value can the ‘soulless, tough as nails corporate attorney looking pretty and kicking legal @$$’ provide? This movie was somewhat short on actual action, LOOOONG on exposition and really short on heart. Pretty people doing selfish things and it’s gotten old. And boring. It felt like Ritchie might have been phoning this one in, sad to say. Full disclosure: I nodded off during the big finale action sequence. What does that tell you?

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Mortal Kombat II…sigh…

As you’ve heard me say waaay too often this year, there was not a lot to choose from this weekend. Not psyched for a live-action sheep mystery. No interest at all in a Billie Eilish concert flick. And I don’t even want to know what this is all about.

So, the default winner for this Mother’s Day weekend (Love you, mom! Love you Mrs Average Dude!) is Mortal Kombat II. MKII is the second installment of the reboot, which started back in 2021. Do I even need to rehash my distain over long wait times between sequels? Still waiting on Fast and Furious X pt 2…and ONLY for the over-the-top performance by Jason Mamoa. If the whole rest of the cast drove off into the sunset, that’d be okay-fine with me. But I digress.

Mentally prepared

To remind ourselves about the whole plot and tenor of Mortal Kombat, Mrs Average Dude and I watched the first installment on Friday. It was what you might have expected. Short on story, long on martial arts mayhem. Kicks and blocks and chi super-powers. I didn’t remember one single thing from this movie. Not even that I saw it. After the credits rolled, I might classify it as a mildly entertaining popcorn pusher that probably came out in early August (Yep, I just looked it up. August 18, 1995).

The Urban Effect

I will come right out and say it…after (re)watching the first, I did not have high expectations for Mortal Kombat II. In fact, I probably have skipped it altogether if not for the addition of one Karl Urban.

Urban’s star has never been higher and I can’t remember a single thing he has been in that I didn’t enjoy very much. He nailed Bones McCoy in the Star Trek reboot of 2009. He turned Judge Dredd into a cult classic. His comic take on Skurge in Thor Ragnarök I have mixed feelings on, but only because I respect the original story from the comics as a kid. Do you remember his small but perfect role in the Lord of the Rings franchise? And don’t get me started on Billy Butcher. Karl Urban brings it, every time.

So, on his addition alone I opted in for Mortal Kombat II. And I think that decision by New Line Cinema saved MKII from being a sad, rehash of the tepid first movie that probably would have bombed.

Talk about Yin and Yang

Let’s face it…if you saw the first, you know the story. It hasn’t changed. Nothing new has been added (literally) other than Johnny Cage (Urban). And while the story didn’t revolve around him nearly as much as it could have (and probably should have), he was in it just enough to bring some much needed comedy, empathy and audience engagement. Without that critical element, the only folks who would have enjoyed Mortal Kombat II in the slightest would have been hardcore gamers from the early 90s and total martial arts cinema fans. There’s a reason why every Jacky Chan needs a Chris Rock. Urban was the yin to all the yang in this movie.

There’s really not much else to say

So, was Mortal Kombat II worth my time and corn? Eh, sure. Barely. If I find out I skipped a better movie (I’m giving Sheep Detectives the side-eye right now) for MKII, I’ll be PO’d. As it is, Mortal Kombat II gets a very lackluster 2.8 our of 5. Without the awesome Urban, this easily would have been a 2. At best. My best advice is to wait a couple more weeks and it will be on Prime or Max. Good enough for a pre-summer Saturday night double feature, if your baseball team isn’t doing so well (looking at you, Royals). But for prime time date night? Look elsewhere.

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The Mummy – Like crossing the Sahara

Dudes…it has been SUCH a dry year at the show. Seriously bad. Your humble Average Dude has been heading out to my local moviehaus weekly for pretty much my whole adult life. Not so this year. Part of that is because of a busy schedule. Add to that the abundance of shows that might be worth watching on stream. But mostly, there just hasn’t been anything to really get excited about. Project Hail Mary, sure. Now You See Me 3 was good but not great. Usually, I can find something remotely worth spending my time and money on (receipts: I actually went to see The Meg 2 in theater).

This year, I’ve skipped multiple weeks. For a dude that loves everything about the theater experience to hard pass…that’s a problem for the industry. A big problem.

Dude forgot to do his homework

This week, there were a couple of options that at least showed up on the radar. One was ‘Normal’, starring Bob Odenkirk, which seemed a little too much like a cookie-cutter copy of Nobody (WHAT??? Hollywood would schlep out a rebranded product? Surely not!). So I opted to wait for it to show up on stream. I don’t think it will be long. Instead, I went to see Lee Cronin’s The Mummy.

I chose…poorly.

You may have heard of them

The Mummy stars nobody you’re absolutely positive you know from somewhere. Zero bankable names. That should have been my first clue that something was off. With the two previous iterations of The Mummy in my lifetime, they were headlined by known action stars – Brendan Frazier and Tom Cruise. Actors known for action movies. So, I (and many others, from what I am hearing) assumed that Lee Cronin’s The Mummy would follow suit. You know what they say about assumptions.

Lee Cronin’s The Mummy takes the historical premise of the character and ‘re-imagines’ it. That word should have also tipped me off to at least investigate further. I can’t remember a single movie that has been re-imagined (air quotes) that has turned out well. Yes, there is a mummy. Sure, there is a curse on said mummy. Yes, that curse is accidentally loosed on an unsuspecting world. That is where the similarities end, I’m afraid. Lee Cronon is a director I’ve never heard of before and I completely regret not looking up his IMDB profile. Again, I failed to do the homework.

Why I’m Hatin’ on The Mummy

I’m not going to go into the details of this movie. I can’t. Not because of my solemn vow to avoid spoilers. It’s because there was nothing positive that it added to my life. The Mummy was a few small jump scares and a lot of garbage scenes with the sole intent to evoke shock and disgust. Clearly that was the goal and Cronin accomplished it. And it’s not like I haven’t seen my share of disgusting things both in and out of theaters. I guess it’s that, with maturity, I’ve learned that purposefully subjecting myself to it isn’t a good thing.

But The Mummy doesn’t stop with just the gross-out stuff. Nope. Cronin also incorporates the hellish. Demons and possessions and whatnot aren’t new to cinema. It’s been around since long before my time. But, as with pretty much everything, the ante always needs to be upped. And that’s the thing that has me hating on The Mummy the most.

Not since I was in high school

Back in the day, your humble Average Dude was into the slasher movies. Friday the 13th. Nightmare on Elms Street. Halloween. I get it. We were into the new, the extreme. Those were the extreme of the day. Again, Hollywood has to ratchet things up for the next one or the movie and franchise will fail.

Fast forward to today. We have the new breed of slasher films like Hostel and Spiral and Insidious and the list goes on. There’s a massive market for it. This iteration of The Mummy falls right in that basket of body parts. The villains these days are not only satanic, they’re also all-too human. They’re hideously depraved folks next door. That’s not great. I don’t have the time to go into all the many reasons why. Let’s just say that new generations getting used to seeing amoral people inflict heinous, soulless things on other people is tragic. It’s not overstating to say that cinema is displaying the fall of civilization. And its on the Grand Screen.

So where did the 1 come from?

There was a point in this movie where I leaned over to Mrs Average Dude and said ‘I could not hate this movie more than I do’. How then, can I give it even 1 out of 5? I guess because my take is personal. The actors did their jobs. The mission was to evoke revulsion. Mission accomplished. And I can’t give it a flat ZERO because I didn’t do my homework. So, it’s on me. I am saddened that this type of movie exists and there is a market for it. If this is your thing, you will like it well enough, and I’m sad for you. I really am. Please rethink your choices.

Some reviews basically call it ‘meh’ as far as the genre goes. It’s not even as gross-out/demonic/depraved as this genre gets? Holy guacamole.

So, it is with HUGE sadness I admit that Lee Cronin’s The Mummy made me The Dummy and I’m begrudgingly giving it a 1 out of 5 on a technicality. It’s detrimental to your core well-being and if this is your thing, I am truly praying for you.

A couple of Rotten Tomatoes professional reviewers had this to say:

‘It’s been a while since a horror film came along that left you genuinely fearful for the spiritual wellbeing of all involved.’ ~ Robie Collin, Daily Telegraph

Donald Clark of the Irish Times called it ‘recreational revulsion’.

What more need be said?

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Project Hail Mary  – like a cool drink after a long dry spell

Your humble Average Dude has tried to bring you reviews every single week. And to be totally honest, I’ve fallen down on the job. Life intervenes. And while I did go see Avatar 3 (just like Avatar 1 & 2), Greenland 2 (disappointing) Shelter (meh) and Anaconda (better than expected) I did not have time to bring you my take on them. I will do better for you. I promise.

The littles give me an excuse

And it’s not totally without justification. The in-theater options have been weak. Maybe I could have seen HOPPERS, but I usually save those for when I get to see the littles. They’ve been pretty busy, too. The pickings are getting slimmer all the time. Part of that is due to rising production costs and tighter pockets in Hollywood. We can blame streaming. Blame the declining quality of writing. Blame the actor’s inability to read the room and just shut up about politics. Whatever. There just hasn’t been much to pique our interest.

But now we’re back, and as a bonus, my good friend Drew is going to co-review Project Hail Mary. AND…he has the added benifit of having read the book from which it was adapted. Without further ado, here we go…

Hail Mary by name, Hail Mary by nature

It’s no secret that Hollywood is frantic over the changing entertainment landscape. Plumeting ticket sales, rising competition by streaming and the looming threat of AI are all putting a strain on Tinseltown, with no solution on the horizon. I don’t think there is one.

Sadly, the Average Dude thinks the writing is on the wall. Cinema’s days are numbered. And that makes me sad. There are some movies that are best seen on the big screen. Jurasic Park. Independence Day. Twister. I could go on but you get it. Watching dinosaurs on a 13 ” tv in your living room absolutely robs you of the stunning moment you first saw them striding across a two story tall screen. A xenomorph is so much less threatening on your tablet or iPhone than it is in a darkened theater.

And for those that care to remember, how was your shared theatrical experience when you saw this scene on opening weekend? Just not the same, is it? That’s what is being lost.

For me, this was a movie I knew I had to see in theaters. I read the book back in 2021 and then shortly after I finished the book it was announced that the movie was being made and Ryan Gosling was playing the lead. I was so excited because I knew Ryan Gosling could definitely play the role. He already has 1 space movie under his belt playing Neil Armstrong in “First Man”. I had waited 3 years for a trailer to finally drop.

After the trailer finally dropped, I went back and read the book again. I will say when the trailer dropped, I was both excited and a little skeptical because they had shown one of the biggest twists in the book.

But I digress

While Project Hail Mary didn’t have a seminole moment like this one*, it none-the-less was a spectacle deserving of the biggest screen, no question.

I actually disagree with this. 1) I don’t think you can compare these 2 movies, 2 different types of missions. If anything, you could naybe compare to “Interstellar” but Hail Mary blows that movie out of the water. But that’s a different discussion for a different day. 2) There are 2 really big scenes that will make you tear up and both were in the book too. I was very pleased that they kept them and did not alter them.

Hollywood with a pass and a prayer attempted to bring a bit of hope back to a devastatingly slow first quarter.

Grace, you go long….

Project Hail Mary is the story of Ryland Grace, a middle school science teacher with a degree in molecular biology. In this future world, our scientists have discovered that earth’s yellow dwarf star is dying, being eaten by a microscopic life form dubbed the astrophage. Earth is cooling at a fantastic rate. The prognosis is grim…30 years before global cooling starts causing mass starvation.

What is also discovered is that every star in our solar system is also suffering the same catastrophic event. Every star except one. Tau Ceti. The governments of the world unite in a plan to use the astrophage’s explosive properties to fuel a ship to Tau Ceti in a desperate attempt to discover how it is unaffected by the star-eater and get that hope back to earth. A true Hail Mary.

Ryland Grace is just an interesting character altogether. I think another standout character was actually Eva Stratt played by Sandra Huller. Eva Stratt is the most powerful person on the planet at this point in time and Huller played her perfectly.

The Bad News

As fate would have it, Grace is the only survivor of the three-person crew sent to Tau Ceti. This he discovers after awakening from his medically induced coma with retrograde amnesia and pieces together the dire reality of his situation. Grace, the only non-astronaut on this mission, carries the fate of the entire world on his shoulders. That’s a lot of pressure.

When the road gets rocky

It turns out, earth is not the only galactic lifeform that has sussed out the source of their shared calamity. Upon reaching Tau Ceti, Grace runs into a golem-like creature he names Rocky. It’s clear early on that Rocky is not hostile and is very intelligent. They work out a way to communicate and thus begin to work together in an attempt to save both of their planets.

Rock Star

Rocky quickly becomes the star of this movie. It is a pleasure to learn more about him (her? It?) Though intelligent beyond earthly standards, he is still childlike and innocent, finding great joy in learning about his new friend. There seems to be no guile, no dishonesty, no unkindness in Rocky. We are drawn to the magnetism he has no idea he possesses.

Full disclosure: there are some unanswered questions and plot holes in this movie that we could easily pick it apart if we wanted to. We don’t. What Project Hail Mary gives us is much, MUCH greater than any desire we might have to find flaw. Hope rewarded. Truest friendship when we definitely feel undeserving of it. The very definition of Grace, as it were. These things are baked into our human DNA and the Biblical comparisons are there, if you care to see them.

Rocky was the one I was most nervous about seeing on screen. Again, when the first trailer dropped, i was skeptical because they showed Rocky’s hands and he looked bigger than how he is described in the book. But I was very pleased with the final product AND they used quite a bit of puppetry to bring Rocky to life! Which is so cool that the filmmakers went that route for him. The banter between Grace and Rocky brings a lot of laughs and some tears because you see how beautiful their friendship is. Loved every bit of this. AMAZE AMAZE AMAZE!

Not perfect but…

SO…with much relief I give you these words of GREAT encouragement…go see Project Hail Mary. I was tempted to give it a perfect score but, at 2 hrs 36 minutes, it was a wee bit long and dragged some in the beginning. It’s also not quite as ‘feel good’ as The Martian*. Still, it’s instantly on the annual watch list and I’m giving it a rock-solid 4.8. Don’t wait until someone accidentally ruins it for you. Though even if my friend Drew drops spoilers that I don’t catch (he didn’t, well done, sir), I promise you that the journey will still be worth your time. Trust your humble Average Dude.

This to me is a perfect book to film adaptation. The filmmakers did not deviate from source material and the little things they did take out due to time really wouldn’t have added much more to the story. I do wish there was a little more added when Grace is helping Rocky with understanding why his crew didn’t survive. But that’s really the only thing that I wish they added more depth on. Other than that, this is a 4.9 for me.

Not for nothing

*Project Hail Mary was written by Andy Weir, the same guy who brought us The Martian. I loved that movie a bit more, possibly because it had this stand up and cheer moment. 

Don’t get me wrong, The Martian is a perfect book to film adaptation as well. I just can’t compare the two because the stories are so different so I don’t think its fair to say one is better than the other. Again, Project Hail Mary I would maybe compare to Interstellar but this one beats it by 13 light years.

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Wow. War Machine is everything we hoped for and a little bit more

The Average Dude has been around a hot minute. I’ve been a movie fan since…well…I’m not going to date myself. I’ve seen a lot. I’ve marked the passage of time and the evolution of society through the Hollywood camera lense. Some changes are good, like CGI (well, mostly). Some are less so (like the overpoliticization of movies). The point is, as the world evolved, so did the movies we watched. How could they not?

When Ahnold was king

The 1980s were the era of big action movies, bigger action stars. And when I say bigger stars, that’s exactly what I mean. Schwarzenegger. Stalone. Van Damme. Lundgren. Big, beefy, he-man archtypes that could survive bullets, blasts and beasts (including each other) and drop a cheesy one liner enroute to the next action scene. It was visual, visceral and over-the-top. We ate it up.

I still love them

There aren’t very many of those 80s demi-god movies on the Average Dude’s annual watch list. I do try to catch a few minutes when I see them on while scrolling through the channels. And I do have a poster of Commando hanging in the man-cave. Good times.

It’s rare to find a new addition to the Annual Watch List. The last one that comes readily to mind is Free Guy. And even though War Machine currently isn’t on that list, Alan Ritchson has reached contender status. He’s on the radar now.

Kind of like El (’11’), but at roughly 30 times the mass

War Machine is the story of ’81’. ’81’ is the number given to him as a Army Ranger Candidate. No names, just digits. If you number is called, you have not been selected. Exit stage left.

’81’ attacks the Ranger Training curriculum with a single-minded focus so intense that his commanders question his ability to work as a cohesive member of an elite fighting unit. When it comes to any military, the whole is greater than the sum of the parts. Especially with the Rangers.

As Aliens So Often Do

The hot news of the day during ’81’s torturous Ranger training was the skyfall of numerous comet fragments across the globe. As it turns out, each those fragments contained an alien mechanized ‘War Machine’. Their goal is a simple one…eradicate. Vaporize the dominant indigenous life form.

As luck would have it, the final test of Ranger Training puts ’81’ (of course he made it to the end! Have you never seen Alan Ritchson?) directly in the path of one of these massive, unstoppable War Machine behemouths. Game on, aliens.

Why War Machine worked

Ritchson is one of those larger than life people. Like the Rock, John Cena or Henry Cavill. So far as I can tell, there’s not a lot of emotional range in Ritchson’s acting ammo bandalier. But here’s the thing….it’s not necessary. There is a place for the quintesential alpha male in cinema (and the world). I would go as far as to say that it is welcomed, even craved. Your Average Dude, for one, has missed it. And the stellar reviews of War Machine suggest that others have, as well. Lots of others.

If you liked any of the Expendables

War Machine is helmed by Australian director Patrick Hughes, who brought us The Expendables and Hitman’s Bodyguard (and who is himself a bit of a square-jawed fellow). If you haven’t seen Hitman’s Bodyguard, there’s your assignment for this weekend. That movie is worth the watch even if only for the car chase sequence set to the Spiderbait version of Black Betty. You’re welcome.

Fun for the whole family

And if you’re thinking that the Average Dude is some masogynistic, knuckle-dragger, it’s worth noting that Mrs Average Dude enjoyed it, as well. It’s becoming less and less an unpopular opinion that the honorable, stoic, infinitely capable alpha males are (shock!) appealing to women. Curse me for a heretic! I’m just stating the obvious.

So, what is the ‘little bit more’ I spoke of?

War Machine is a throwback to the iron-jawed action stars of the 80s. But such a character could only go so far today. Audiences have become accustomed to emotional depth in their movie men. And that’s the little bit more of which I speak. Yes, ’81’ has all the never quit we all hope we would have in the same situation. What War Machine adds is a dollop of depth as to why ’81’ is the way he is. You don’t have to be Dustin Hoffman to pull off that level of emotion. By the same token, there’s no way our greatest living actor (my opinion) could do what Ritchson does. But there’s definitely room for both.

Hoping the rumors are true

So, during this really dry spell of watchable movies – either at the theater or on streaming – The Average Dude heartily recommends War Machine. Let the over-the-top physical specimen that is Alan Ritchson continue to bring us War Machine sequels, Reacher season 4 and pleasepleaseplease make him be the new Batman. Let the Caped Crusader be a butt-kicker of epic proportions again and not the emo-goth Bat-millenial of the last iteration (again, my opinion). It will totally rake cash, I promise.

And not for nothing, but I saw one reviewer that called War Machine ‘Absurd on almost every level’ and ‘Deeply stupid’ while also managing to sound both insulting and childishly jealous of Mr Ritchson (calling him a ‘walking meat mountain’). He doesn’t get it. Probably never will.

I’m betting that reviewer is channelling his inner millenial and wouldn’t know a barbell from a bar tab. Sounds a little over-compensatey to me. Last opinion of the day.

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Mercy aint an annual watch, but…

As you already know, your humble Average Dude is an unashamed optimist. I try to find the good in people, in life and especially in the movies I give my time to. With one exception*, I have been able to find at least one positive in everything I’ve watched. That in mind, I have to say that I do not get all the bad press that Mercy is getting. I’ve said it before, I’ll say it again…in this age of communication, everyone has a voice. And they use it. For some, they make their living off having things to say. I’m not one of those people. I WISH I was making money with my reviews. I don’t make a dime.

Nope. I do it for love of the medium and so that normies like you and me can enjoy a movie now and again and not be fooled by a ‘reviewer’ that is getting $$$ from someone with a vested interest.

Are you not entertained?

I’m not vain enough to think that my voice DEMANDS to be heard. In fact, I don’t have that much viewership, even though I’ve been consistently putting out reviews for over two years. Clearly, I’m doing this for another reason. That reason is: the TRUTH matters.

But Average Dude, you might say, movie reviews are inherently based on opinion! How can you say YOUR truth is THE truth. Fair question. The answer is: I don’t. The truth I offer is that, whatever grade or opinion I give on a show is an honest opinion, free from any outside influence. When the review comes at personal cost, you can be sure that the review is personally honest. And my sole goal with them is to help you find a little enjoyment in whatever time cinema has left in this world.

I see what you did there

Okay, why does your Average Dude say all that? I say it to say this: I really liked Mercy. From what I’m seeing, that’s kind of a minority report (that’s foreshadowing, btw). I’m seeing a lot of somewhat trusted reviewers bag on Mercy…well…mercilessly. I think it’s unfair. Critical Drinker didn’t think much of Mercy. I mostly trust that guy, I think he’s still one of the honest ones. But I think there’s a pitfall in being a fulltime reviewer. When you see a lot of stuff, you inescapably compare them. You rank them. And some suffer due to that.

Receipts: comparing the LotR trilogy to the Hobbit trilogy makes the latter suffer. But the Hobbit is a very enjoyable watch. It’s on the Annual Watch list for a reason. And yet, lots of reviewers poo-poo it because it’s not LotR. Truth.

Make mental choices

So How Do I Avoid that trap? Simple. I quite on purpose look for something good in everything I watch. Sometimes it’s easy. Sometimes, it’s like shoving  butter up a cat’s butt with a red-hot poker.  But, as in most things – movies, situations and people – there is a bright side (if you look for it). It is often a choice to view things through a more positive lense. We can make those decisions all the time. We don’t have to be told how to feel. And we don’t have to be passive receivers.

Have mercy

What was there to like about Mercy? Easy question. Chris Pratt has amazing riz. Though politics in Hollywood are trying to push him out, he still has cache. In the hierarchy of charisma in Hollywood today, there’s Glen Powell, Ryan Reynolds, Chris Pratt and then everyone else (sorry, Tom Cruise…you are the OG all-time great). Point is, his charm is off the chart. And even in a movie where he’s mostly cuffed to a chair, it still shines through.

Speaking of Cruise…

The story of Mercy is basically that the future has installed an AI justice system where an emotionless digital judge is going to decide your fate. Said digital entity is also empowered to be your executioner. Did Tom Cruise do it better in Minority Report? No question. But he had the advantage of one Steven Spielberg. You may have heard of him. Again, let’s not compare. Lets enjoy Mercy for what it brings us today.

Mercy is more of a tense crime drama than an action thriller. Pratt plays Detective Chris Raven (really?), a good but broken man who wrestles with his tragedy-born demons. We can all identify with his struggles. There are plenty of twists and reveals in Mercy that keep us constantly engaged. We want to pay attention because we are immediately invested in the fate of Detective Raven. As the story unfolds, it sheds light on the legit concerns of having an AI Judge decide if you live or die.

Mercy also touches on the topic of how an AI might ‘evolve’. Can it learn compassion? Can it learn Mercy? Unknown at this time. But the questions get raised and they’re fair. If AI can learn the finer qualities of humanity, could it also learn its baser instincts? Food for thought.

Okay, lets get to the score

I’m giving Mercy a solid 3.75 based on Chris’s riz, a story that is more current than Minority Report was in its day. Mercy is thought-provoking and evolves at a really decent pace. It doesn’t run on too long or get overtly preachy. It lets us think about the implications on our own time. Mercy gives us some credit for not being mindless masses. If you choose to not see it in the theater, that’s cool. You’ll enjoy it from home, too. I liken it to The RIP as far as an engaging crime drama. Worth your time, wherever you see it. I guarantee, when it gets to Netflix, it’ll be a top view.

Think I’ll go watch The Hobbit. Or Die Hard 2. Either is a stand on its own great watch.

*The Exception: Drive Away Dolls. I can NOT warn you off this movie enough.

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The Promised Land is full of Promise

The Average Dude has had several movie/TV show discussions with Average Bro Drew. We generally have the same opinions and I’ve come to trust his take. He turned me on to The Promised Land a couple of months ago and it took me a bit to get through the ever-growing list of recommended shows. But oh, was it worth the wait!

It’s Free on YouTube!

The Promised Land started as a YouTube show. Free to all. No commercials. No streaming service to subscribe to. That was a brilliant plan. Max exposure for the first season. The creators surely thought so highly of it that they were willing to eat the cost of production in order to get the buzz out. And it worked. Angel Studios has acquired the rights to the first season and are showing it on their streaming service (But it is still also available free on YouTube). This is canny on multiple levels.

The Promised Land stars lots of folks whose names I could easily butcher and don’t remember seeing in anything before. It’s a mockumentory series done in the style of The Office. The Promised Land follows Moses, Aaron and the whole Israelite gang immediately after the escape from Egypt and the parting of the Red Sea. Most folks – even ones who do not study the Bible – know that what followed was 40 years of wandering in the desert. The Promised Land speaks to that journey. And hilarity ensues.

This is becoming a thing

Average Bro Drew and I have shared opinions (and quite a few laughs) discussing episodes of The Promised Land. We discussed it so much that I felt it a good idea to post our thoughts for you here, my Average People. Drew and I pretty much agree 100 on this show, its entertainment value, its Biblical accuracy and its impact. So sure. This is going to be a fan column.

Drew’s take, my responses. Complete with redactions

I asked Drew to give me his unfiltered take on The Promised Land. And he did. He also included quite a few spoilers, which I patently refuse to post. It’s a promise I’ve kept since day one. So, here is our back and forth. If you want to know the content behind the REDACTED, you’re just going to have to watch the show.

DREW: With A new year, for some people, a resolution might be to read The Bible in 1 year. Good goal, but getting through the Pentateuch (first 5 books of the Old Testament) is a challenge. (My wife and I are on year three of the Father Mike Schmitz Bible in a Year app) Especially after you read through the parting of the Red Sea in Exodus when Moses is leading the Israelites out of Egypt. That’s when the readings start to get challenging because you start diving into Levitical law and it can get confusing. (Drew is much more of a Biblical source of knowledge than I am, and I’m no slouch)

With all that being said, when I saw that this show called “The Promised Land” was being created, I was intrigued. I think most people know the Bible story of Moses going to Pharaoh and saying “Let my people go”, then the plagues, then ultimately the Israelites leaving to be chased by the Egyptians.

It’s a contender

Most of the works we have seen from Hollywood have shown all of that up to the Israelites crossing the Red Sea to be in the wilderness. “The Ten Commandments” is the main film that comes to mind with Charlton Heston. (For the longest time, that has been the gold standard for Moses. I’m not saying The Promised Land is the new champ. But I’m also not NOT saying that)

So when I saw that this show was being created, I wondered how they would do this. This year seemed like a big year for movies and shows based on the Bible. We had “The Last Supper”, The Chosen came back with their last supper episode, House of David (season 1 was free but season 2 is behind a paywall. Shame on them. I hope TPL doesn’t follow suit), The Chosen Adventures(animated kids show, my kids really enjoyed this one), and K-Love had their short film about Mary.

So I wondered if this show would follow the same formula. It doesn’t, and I’m happy with that. (the Office-style mockumentory storytelling is pretty hot right now. The Promised Land is riding a wave that is still swelling)

The Angel brand keeps growing

The Promised Land, which started on YouTube but I believe Angel studios has now picked it up on their streaming service (they have), is set as a mockumentary style. Like The Office, as if the Israelites had a camera crew following around. This is a great concept to help teach the harder things to understand from the last half of Exodus on. (Honestly, I was totally not aware of how Biblically accurate these episodes were. I assumed a lot of creative license, with episodes that had little or nothing to do with the Bible other than the players.)

It has comedy in it and pokes fun at certain things that we read about, but not to an extent where they are making a joke of the story or Bible. (And that’s the tightrope that TPL walks. It makes venerated characters like Moses and Aaron absolutely relatable, like the real brothers they were. Humans, full of doubts and struggles and interactions like the rest of us. But it never changes events or casts doubt on the absolutely inspired stories.)

Each episode has a great lesson behind it as well that I think most people will be able to connect with.

Here’s just a few of the many things I (we) liked about the show:

Korah

1)Korah was a breakout character. (one of my favorites. You’ll see what we mean) This is something I was not expecting at all. But from the time you meet this character and his name plate says “Rightful Leader of Israel (Self Proclaimed)”, which is foreshadowing to this character, you know there’s going to be some hilarity to him.

His facial expressions alone had me laughing. Korah’s portrayal will probably cause people who are not familiar with him do some research. I’ll give a brief summary. Korah was Moses’ cousin and REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED If you wanna know what happened to him, then you’ll need to read Numbers 16.

Chisisi

2)Chisisi is the lovable friend we all need. An Egyptian washed up to the shore after the Red Sea closed, now trying to blend in with the Israelites brought great comedy to the show. Chisisi is a character I cannot find any references on. (I think he’s the only non-Biblical character on the show. It doesn’t detract from the show’s accuracy in any way)

I think that some creative liberties were made for this one, but I’m glad they added him in. Think of it as the goofy guy from your English class in middle school wandered into your church and is trying to follow along with everything but making people believe he understands everything thats going on. Thats Chisisi, and I’m so excited to see where else they go with this character.

Bezalel

3)Different visual perspectives go a long way. What do I mean by this? Episode 3 titled “Pitfalls” goes into the story of the golden calf. This happened when God called Moses to be on the mountain and Moses was gone for an extensive period of time as God was giving him all the law and the 10 Commandments. During this time is when the Israelites were having doubts that Moses was ever coming back and they wanted a god to see and believe in so they demanded Aaron make them one.

Aaron then goes to Bezalel to have a golden calf made so that the Israelites will be happy with the leadership.REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED (I didn’t want this part to be spoiled for you. But Drew’s take was hilarioiusly dead-on and made me laugh out loud) This is both comical but also a great lesson. The main takeaway is that everything that we idolize will always REDACTED but they will never REDACTED our 1 and only God truly is.

Miriam and Zippy

4)Miriam and Zipporah don’t realize how much they really need each other. (Eh…not sure I got that from them but the dynamic is something we’ve all seen in our lives) Miriam is often overlooked mainly because she’s a woman. Zipporah is over the top positive about everything. They are Yin and Yang but they bring out the best in each other. (I think Zippy brings out the best in Miriam. I haven’t noticed the reverse. Maybe next season) Moreso, Zipporah brings out the best in Miriam, but they compliment each other very well.

So. Much. Redacting.

5)Moses and Bezalel’s talks summarizes the story of the Bible in a fantastic way. Bezalel is a character that I think most Christians will connect with. REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED  I think that this is important to see because we all fall into that mentality. (Sorry, Drew. We agree that the redacted paragraph is one of the best moments of this season and I want the new viewers to get there without our help)

When presented with the Gospels, I think most will respond with “I’m not worthy of that gift of salvation.” One of my favorite lines from this whole show comes from REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED  A small line but a very important line. REDACTED REDACTED Romans 6:23 “For the wages of sin is death. But the gift of God is eternal through Jesus Christ our Lord.”

If there is nothing else that you get from this show, I hope that one line from Moses to Bezalel can help open the door to a conversation about salvation. (I am really sorry for redacting so much, bro. I just want people to take this journey without any expectations, as I did. So pleasantly surprised was I by the shift from comedy to substantive, emotional interaction. I want everyone to have that experience. But suffice to say, Drew and I agree on REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED

The Takeaway

DREW: There’s so much more I could say about this show and deep dive, but these are top of list for me. Altogether I would give the show a 4.8 out of 5.

So, your humble Average Dude and his humble Average Bro are of the same opinion on The Promised Land. It is a combination of The Office and The Chosen, with the emotional twist of SCRUBS. It’s full of running gags that are never over-played. It’s funny, insightful and at moments poignant. I think that this show is something that God is pleased with and am giving The Promised Land a 4.9 out of 5. I’m only knocking off .1 to acknowledge that I could be missing something and God is NOT loving this show. I’m acknowledging my own fallability and leaving room to accept God’s grace. Just covering my bases.

 

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Now You See Me Now You Don’t – Long Time No See

People have been saying it for years now…Hollywood has run out of ideas and all they are doing now is pumping out sequels. There’s a lot of truth to that. I mean, what was the last truly original blockbuster the big studios have produced? Avatar (2009)? A Quiet Place (2018)? The Matrix (1999)? It’s almost axiomatic that big hits will spawn sequels. It’s baked into the Hollywood money machine, bro. Turns out that Now You See Me Now You Don’t is no exception.

Running out of ideas: the Receipt

Now You See Me Now You Don’t is the third installment of the franchise. The original appeared on the big screen way back in 2013, joining the growing list of franchises that were resurrected more than a decade later. It doesn’t make a huge amount of sense to wait that long for a third installment. The official reason for the gap was ‘scheduling and development’, which I ain’t buying. But whatever. It is what it is.

Remember when David Copperfield flew?

The Average Dude was a big fan of Now You See Me. It doesn’t hurt that I’m a fan of magic, misdirection and illusion. Sure, it’s all very WWE…we know it’s fake but we just don’t care. We love the entertainment value. And BONUS: the Now You See Me franchise has a second payoff that shows you how the magic is made. Some folks absolutely don’t want to peek behind the curtain. I, myself, love seeing how things work.

Guest Reviewer 2.0

So, my awesome dude-friend Drew was in town for a few days and graciously gifted me an evening where we could grab a burger and a show. You may remember that Drew and I saw Superman this past summer and shared our thoughts with all of you here on Average Dude Movie Reviews. We are happy to do it again (and as often as Drew is in town, for that matter).

Without further ado…

AD: I was always going to go see Now You See Me Now You Don’t. My hope was to see new theatrics, new illlusions, new secrets revealed. NYSM3 totally delivered once again.

Drew: I thought it was great. Even though this franchise is also falling into the trap of keep shooting out sequels thing, the movie itself still felt fresh to me. Maybe its cause of how much time they take between each film where when a new one comes out its like “oh yeah, I did like that film. Maybe I’ll enjoy this one.” So its not overkill like we kinda started seeing with something like Jurassic Park/Jurassic World franchise.

Anyways, story itself was great and I enjoyed the twist. I kept looking for it cause once you’ve seen these movies you know there’s a twist somewhere. I actually think I enjoyed this twist better than in the last film. But that could just be me.

AD:Absolutely. The unforseen twist is a hallmark of the franchise.
It was nice to see Henley’s character return (Isla Fisher). I had actually forgotten that she was replaced in Now You See Me 2. I remembered the basic plot of NYSM2 and that Harry Potter was the villain of the movie. Not a lot else I recalled so it’s no surprise that the franchise faltered. More receipts that bringing it back may have been as much a product of lack of Hollywood courage and imagination as it was public demand.

Dudes that dig the magical red-head

Drew: Isla Fisher coming back was awesome. I didn’t mind Lizzy Caplan taking on the 4th horseman role in the second film. But that character didn’t have the same charisma and magic (haha, see what I did there) as Henley. Lulu was better in this one though.

AD: And Now You See Me Now You Don’t is not really a continuation of the whole ‘Eye’ mythos (which has a kind of Illuminati feel to it) but more of a reboot. A changing of the guard. We’ll see if there is enough interest or desperation to fuel a fourth.

Drew: So I heard rumor that a 4th film was already green lit. I just wonder how long we’ll have to wait. I will say it was slightly disappointing that the Eye was not a huge focal point in this one as the end of the second film they actually were inducted into this organization. So for a fourth film, I would like to see this explored more.

AD: So, what parts worked for you and what didn’t?

Drew: The story like I said felt fresh, the character dynamic was great as well. The new characters I thought did pretty good with the original, however, the new characters I don’t think would’ve been able to hold the movieon their own. But together, I thought they were pretty good. I think they’ve hinted at a few ideas with original and new characters and potentials for spinoffs that I would like to see. Again, I just would like to see them explore the mythos of the Eye more.

AD: I thought the interplay between the original Horsemen and the new blood was carried by the OG. Jesse Eisenberg crushed the role and I can’t imagine it working without his stellar performance. Woody Harrelson is awesome in whatever he does (his small part in 2012 was my favorite part of that movie). James Franco was adequate and Isla Fisher is still the eye candy of the show. The new crew didn’t really land with me all that much. Justice Smith and Ariana Greenblatt were recognizable (barely) but Dominic Sessa was a complete unknown. If this was supposed to be a passing of the torch, it felt clunky.

Now You See M3…the scores

AD: So shoot me a number. You know how we do things here. Out of 5, what do you give Now You See Me Now You Don’t?

Drew: I’d go with a 4 out of 5.

AD: Nice. That’s exactly where I landed. In a year that’s second only to Covid Year 1 in terms of disappointments, getting a score of 4 is high praise. Thanks for stepping in again. It was fun hanging out and doing what dudes do. We’ll definitely do this again (*Note – I’m going to draft him into a guest review for season 1 of ‘The Promised Land’. I just haven’t asked him yet). And just because it’s awesome, here’s a little pic of Drew having a little father-son bonding time that’s too cute not to share. What a smile!

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Kind of like Ariana herself*

Okay, I’m going to admit right up front that whatever enthusiasm I had to see Wicked For Good had waned nearly to the point of evaporation. Insert your own ‘somebody get that girl a sandwich’ joke here*. Most of that is going to be due to an almost gut-wrenching distaste for some of the statements, opinions and career choices of Cynthia Erivo. Absolutely take note: this is NOT a race thing. Not. One. Bit.

Anyone who wants to throw shade at me for that take can just buzz off. I don’t hate anybody, no matter the identity politics. I do hate behaviors, though. And I do hate some choices. Those things have no gender, no political affiliation. No skin color.

Septum rings are really unattractive. I find super-long fake fingernails that look like talons and prevent the wearer from doing most simple tasks that hands were made for, unattractive. I find more piercings than I have shirts hanging in my closet unattractive.

For sure, I most DEFINITELY find acting in a stage play that mocks Jesus, unattractive. And pitiable. And dangerous. But that’s a different conversation.

Take a wild guess which

The point being, it’s hard for me (and for most people, I suspect) to completely separate the role from the public personality. It works both ways. I see Denzel’s off-screen behavior and it make me want to go see Equalizer 3. In the information age, you HAVE to be aware of these things. Ask Rachel Zegler. And Sydney Sweeney. One of them I’ll actively watch and the other…not so much.

Is there any more magical place in all of literature?

The Average Dude saw Wicked, the stage production, and enjoyed it. I knew little about Cynthia Erivo when the first installment of Wicked came out. The thought of seeing a return to the magical land of Oz on the big screen with modern CGI was exciting and I went to see it opening night with enthusiasm. You can check out my review of it at https://www.barredlands.com/admr-wicked/ I called it ‘turkey and stuffing for the eyeholes’. And that is definitely true. Wicked part one set the table for Wicked for Good. It 100% brought the enchantment of Oz to vibrant life. Everything we hoped for out of modern cinema delivered and even exceeded expectations.

Gone For Good, as it were

For anyone who did not see the stage production and did not know how the story ended, Wicked For Good might have been a satisfying ending. Having prior knowledge, all I could do is wait to see if the movie stayed true to the original and enjoy the CGI feast.

What I didn’t expect is this…the second installment focused on the political commentary side of the Wicked retelling. Gone were the fantasy and spectacle of Oz itself and we were doused in the cold water of reality. Wicked For Good became just another movie with a socio-political axe to grind (literally, oh Tin Man). The feeling of it being an event was missing. Elitism and animal rights and lies, oh my!

But is it worth seeing???

The answer to that is kind of weird. It was a two part movie. If you saw Wicked, you were always going to see Wicked For Good. But in truth, it lacked the majestification and jubulocity of the first. It felt simultaneously rushed and overlong (despite being about an hour shorter than the first). Was it a satisfying conclusion to the story of Glinda and Elphaba? Eh, mostly, I suppose. Though only in the way that NOT knowing how it ends would have been unforgivably disappointing. All the good songs were in Wicked. Very little in the way of choreography. It was just…less.

So…the Average Dude is giving Wicked For Good a middle of the yellow brick road 3.1 out of 5. Nobody in this movie was really someone to root for except maybe the lovelorn Boq, who was massively underused. Glinda was still shallow and vain but showed some character growth (eventually). Personalities and charcter motivations seemed to change constantly giving WFG a disjointed feel. In the end, it just felt like the deconstruction of a classic that didn’t improve anything. I know that is a downer, and I’m sorry for that. I am just guh-lad that I didn’t go see it on Christmas weekend. That’s no way to end the holidays.

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