Author: todd.wade

Killers of the Flower Moon is dark, man

The Average Dude has to admit that I dragged my feet a bit on seeing this movie. Was it the daunting 3.5 hour runtime? Nah, there are superlong movies that the AD loves (Titanic, Return of the King, Endgame). Was it the casting? C’mon, man…DeCaprio and DeNiro. Was it the subject matter? Ah, maybe, a bit. Not that I dislike native americans. Hard to believe but the Average Dude actually has enough native american blood in my veins to qualify to live on the reservation. But if I’m totally honest, there is seriously enough tragedy, skuldugerry and straight out evil in the current day and age that purposefully spending my movie time on more of the same just isn’t appealing. And combining that with an insanely long runtime…well…you get it.

But because I love doing this so much I knew that I would inevitably do the deed, grab my corn and duds and slide into the pleather recliner (before the coming attractions because Average Dude LOVES the previews) and fade out of the current mud and into the mud of Killers of the Flower Moon. Labors of love are not all sunshine and skittles. Important lesson there.

I might have had a birthday waiting for this movie to end

No way to sugarcoat it…this movie was way too long. Why was Killers of the Flower Moon too long where Lord of the Rings wasn’t? This might get me some unkind responses, but here goes: Martin Scorsese has done everything in the movie industry that a man can do and has earned every accolade. Total legend. Can anyone really blame him if he wants to do a piece that is for himself more than for the viewer? Yeah, we can. But he’s earned the right to do this, too. And that’s what this movie feels like. Killers of the Flower Moon was a movie that Scorsese has wanted to do for a long time. Clearly he put a lot of love into it. Too much love, IMO.

The cinematography on Killers of the Flower Moon was top notch, the costumes and sets were amazing. The performances by De x2 (see what I did there?) were excellent as usual, and Lilly Gladstone was Oscar-worthy. I think the failing of this movie (and ultimately, the director) is the writing. Yes, it depicted a very cruel, greedy, amoral time in America’s history with honest, gritty realism. The rub is that it wasn’t depicted equally across the board. Killers of the Flower Moon felt like 3 hours of white on red evil. It depicted the bigotry, jealousy and greed of white people with great clarity. However, the Osage were portrayed as predominantly noble peoples who just wanted to live their lives and enjoy the good fortune that the oil beneath their lands afforded them. And I just don’t think that is an honest portrayal.

Mud on a legend

Killers of the Flower Moon briefly touched on the snare of suddenly injecting great wealth into a poor community. The detrimental excesses to that community would be widespread, exascerbating tensions for both white and Osage alike. There is a real depth of story there that Scorsese wiffed on. Fair or unfair, the wiff feels like it was on purpose, which makes me lose some trust and faith in Scorsese. I might be assigning current Hollywood sensibilities to Scorsese but we can hardly be blamed for that. Taking into account the temperature of society is their job. Too many writers, actors and directors feel they need to tell us how we should feel instead of creating something that appeals to how we actually do feel. And that’s a problem for all of us.

In the same vein, the range of detestable emotions that festered in the white society as they stole, swindled and grifted as much of the Osage wealth as they possibly could was barely mined. Greed overrode vanity as they became servants, drivers or common bootlickers of the people they saw as inferiors, and the internal conflicts of those opposing forces should have been a much bigger part of this movie. Yet, it was used almost as a backdrop for telling the story of Earnest Burkhart and William Hale. Wiff.

Apologies to Mr Scorsese, but…

It’s not that the Average Dude doesn’t like a good bio-pic. I do. Ron Howard’s Cinderella Man (2 h 24 m so, not a short one, either) is probably my favorite sports movie (move over, Major League). A Beautiful Mind, Schindler’s List or even Scorsese’s own Raging Bull…all top shelf in my book. So no, that’s not what brings this movie down. At the end of the day, I think it just might be that Scorsese so very much wanted to tell a tragic story that should have been told a hundred years ago but wasn’t. And in the final analysis, probably doesn’t add anything good to the world by telling it now. If feels like it’s just another Hollywood elite telling America that it is bad. And in the telling, somehow separating themselves even further from the unwashed masses. Maybe that’s too harsh, maybe not. I’m open to hearing differently, as always.

What did I like about Killers of the Flower Moon? Visually, it was fantastic, I think I mentioned that. Likewise the actors, across the board. I love it when a director cameos in their movies a la Hitchcock. And to be fair, this movie has Oscar written all over it. I’m not sure that is a compliment, though. To find a movie that won Best Picture that was widely, overwhelmingly considered the Best Picture by audiences of every demographic, you just might need to go back two decades to Return of the King. Not that movies like Slumdog Millionaire weren’t amazing. I mean a movie that appealed to almost everyone, not just the artsy elitests. I’m talking about a genuine crowd-pleaser like Gladiator.

So, with all due respect to Mr Scorsese, I’m giving Killers of the Flower Moon* (an artsy name if ever there was one) a 2.5/5. Are you not entertained?

*worth a note, I couldn’t quite remember the name of this movie as I asked for my ticket. The theater attendant finished the name for me. He had to do the same for the fellow behind me. Apparently, the name isn’t resonating with a lot of us Average Non-Artsy types. Food for thought.

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Walking Dead Primer

Okay, I’ve mentioned it before…the Average Dude’s wife has become a total zombie-fan, and I only have myself to blame. See, I introduced her to The Walking Dead just about a year ago. Since that time we’ve journeyed through 11 seasons of TWD, Fear TWD, Tales of TWD, World Beyond and now…Daryl Dixon (*note – and we both eagerly await The Ones Who Live, the Rick and Michone spinoff). That is a LOT of zombies. I will occassionally stay up after she goes to bed and watch Lower Decks just to cleanse my mental palate.

Zombies…its science!

As mentioned, Daryl Dixon is the eleventy skillionth spinoff to the amazing Walking Dead journey. Sure, I know that TWD was probably 2 or 3 seasons too long and we were all kind of ready for humanity to outlive the zombies which just kept unliving in massive herds with nothing to gnosh on, but whatevs. We all pretty much decided to suspend all disbelief when we accepted that the zoms could see, hear, think, ambulate and use their vocal chords to make raspy growls all without the benefit of a working circulatory system.

To be honest, the shock and horror aspects of TWD had pretty much worn off by the end of season 2. What captivated us was the sociological element of the show, which was infinitely more entertaining and, at times, repulsive than rotting corpses hell-bent on chowing down (without a digestive system).

TWD, the Early Days

One of the biggest draws to TWD was knowing that your favorite character could – and probably would – die at any moment. We tuned in to make sure that everyone we had grown to love were still upright, still taking nourishment (and not…you know… BECOMING nourishment…I guess…). My friends and I actually had a pool going on called Next One Dead. A little dark but whatevs. Monday morning we all commiserated at the coffee pot as someone’s emotional avatar bit it. It was both bonding and cathartic.

There were, of course, a precious few characters that would forever be immune to dying, lest the masses revolt and the show tank. Rick Grimes, the titular leader and soul of the post-zompocalypse world. Carol, for reasons I never really understood but accepted anyway. And then there’s Daryl (not to be confused with the other brother Daryl. There’s your obligatory Daryl joke. Lets move on). Daryl Dixon, maybe even moreso than Rick, is beloved by all. Certainly worthy of his own spinoff.

Daryl Dixon is Batman…sort of

The legend that is Daryl Dixon grew from humble beginnings. His brother Merle (played by the awesome Michael Rooker) was an abusive, bigoted drug abuser, dealer and possum-eater. Short on ethics but long on survival skills. He was an alpha male in the most primal sense (so, not the good kind). And he was intentionally hard on his little brother. Partly because he wanted to make his little brother tough, partly because he was a sadistic douche-hammer. Many of those fine qualities he imparted to Daryl.

But in spite of (or possibly because of) that role model, the intrinsic good guy bad @$$ at his core emerged. In a world where only the hard would survive, Daryl Dixon absolutely became the hero everyone needed. And if he ever got dined up on by the undead, there would be rioting in the streets.

Daryl Dixon goes international

Fast forward to episode 1 of the Daryl Dixon solo adventures. We find DD afloat on the wreckage of a boat, washing up on unfamiliar shores. Within a short time he discovers road signs in French. Daryl has somehow and against all logical odds found himself on a right European holiday. The how of it will be (hopefully) explained during the course of the series.

And now…the shark

Here is where things get interesting. Daryl quickly learns that the European version of walkers have a dangerous new feature. Not only are there the ‘climbers’ (first seen in season 10 or 11 of TWD) but there now appear to be ‘burners’, whose internal goo is acid that burns human skin. Why doesn’t the zombie-goo burn the skin of the zombie? No clue but we are jumping the shark so we are going with it. And the upgrades don’t stop there. It looks like the tribal, tin potentate warlords that always sprout up when society implodes have created a drug that turns average zombies into uber-zombies. The zombies 2.5 are rageful and even more powerful than your standard undead.

*Note: The standard zombies seemed able to shred human skin to find the crimson treasure inside with superhuman ease. I’m waiting to see if the 2.5 version can actually leap tall buildings in a single bound. The point is, the price of survival just went up. That’s inflation, I guess.

Daryl Dixon is also Snake Plissken

Clearly, the writers of TWD ran out of compelling storylines and have switched gears for the Daryl Dixon series. And I’m totally fine with it. Sure, it’s over the top. Way over the top. But we still love Daryl and are not ready to say goodbye. This new series is no longer a study in sociology, it’s now a full-blown sci-fi epic. It was surprisingly easy to slip from one model to the next. Watching DD stab, skewer and swing a morningstar (SOOO cool) in tunnels, castle ruins or dead of night is less cerebral but no less satisfying.

Daryl Dixon Season 2 has already been greenlit and the final episode of season 1 has set the stage for what looks to be a 5 star kick@$$ ride that I for one am really psyched to watch. I’m giving Daryl Dixon Season 1 a 3.5 (knocking off .5 because reading subtitles gets tiresome) and am expecting Season 2 to be even better. And Mrs Average Dude can stave off her zombie withdrawals a little while longer. Makes me happy.

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This week’s review is for the first season of Ahsoka (Disney +) But first:

The Average Dude claims to be a movie aficionado. It’s a bold claim that I’ll explain. Someday. Anyway, there’s a lot of content out there, more than any single person could consume, even if they spent their entire life with face in screen. Average Dude has a balanced life. I spend time with my family and friends. I play a variety of sports whenever I can. I watch football all day on Sunday. So no…I don’t spend all my time in the mancave or at my local viewhaus. I am judicious in my choice of what to watch. I have to be.

So saying, I have made time to watch all of the Star Wars content coming out on Disney +. Strike that…all the ‘live action’ Star Wars content. That would be Mandalorian, Book of Boba Fett, Obiwan Kenobi and now the latest offering, Ahsoka. I have not watched the animated Star Wars shows. I could name a few off the top of my head, but a quick Google search showed me just how much there is. And that’s where the problems with Ahsoka begin…

It’s all just too much

Going into Ahsoka, I had a vague knowledge of who she was. I’ve seen her around. She was a jedi that survived Order 66 – the extermination of all Jedi. She had a cool look about her (somebody tell me if those things on her head are actual hair? Tentacles? Does it have a purpose other than looking tribal and cool? Thanks in advance). And when she popped up in the Mandalorian, I was like ‘Okay, this might be cool’. But it wasn’t. It was confusing. And annoying.

Just keeping it real with you

Why was Ahsoka confusing, you might ask? To put it bluntly, it pretty much assumes a deeper knowledge that I do not possess. From the very start, Ahsoka drops characters on us that clearly had a history together. Friendly, adversarial, romantic maybe? It’s all so unclear. What is very clear is that Ahsoka main man Dave Filoni made a series for people who were already invested. And you can all see the inherent problem. How is this supposed to get new viewers – or even the non-new but also not fanatical viewer to be excited for the next episode? It just. Doesn’t. Work.

You’re all probably saying ‘ I get you, Average Dude. But could we just go and watch the other required viewing and get a better appreciation of the Ahsoka series?’ You could, sure. I personally don’t have that kind of time nor a compelling reason to dig deeper. Which brings me to the second point…

Who’s writing this stuff?

From the very first episode right through to the last, Ahsoka walked through her scenes with an aloofness and disconnect that bordered on disdain. The way she dealt with everyone and every circumstance exuded a sense of superiority that really put me off. I dont recall much of any range of emotion from her. ‘But Average Dude, the jedi are trained to beware their emotions, lest they control them and open the door for the dark side!’ Okay, sure. But not reject them all like Vulcans. Jedi were okay with love, joy, laughter…widely respected as positive emotions. But not Ahsoka. She was really a one-note character and it was hard to like her, bad@$$ or not.

And it wasn’t just Ahsoka. Every character seemed to have undergone the Vulcan ceremony of kolinahr (I know I’m mixing space sagas here) and purged all emotions. Grand Admiral Thrawn was as monotone and cold as his blue exterior. Baylan Skoll and his apprentice Shin Hati were of the Dark Side and still showed no emotion. And don’t even get me started on the whole space-witches thing. What the literal, ever-loving shite? Sorry. I’m letting my emotions control me. I don’t give a nanu-nanu.

Girl Bosses unite!

I may be asking for a shite-storm for this, but I think it might be worth mentioning that there seemed to be only three men in any kind of staring roll. The aforementioned Thrawn and Baylan Skoll. Add to that list Ezra Bridger, a dude that the good guys were looking for because…? That part had to be included in the cartoons because I have no earthly idea why. That’s about it, though. Oh, there’s also an episode where a dead Ahsoka does battle with a dead Anakin Skywalker because I guess that’s what happens in the jedi afterlife.

My point being that Disney appears to be making a conscious effort to emphasise strong female characters and minimize strong male characters. Now, when the Force and space witches are added to the equation, the debate of whether a girl can physically compete with a man is moot, I get that. But it still begs the question of ‘why do it in the first place?’ If you’re going to tell me it’s to bring in more female viewers, you have to bring me all the receipts. My best guess is that Star Wars is still a male dominated fanbase. Did Rey Skywalker significantly tip the scales? Does Ahsoka? How many male viewers have become uninterested (like the Avereage Dude)? Valid questions.

Rock on, Lucy Maclane

Ahsoka wasn’t without its good points. Mary Elizabeth Winstead was one of those. MEW played Rebel General Hera Syndulla. I dug her in Scott Pilgrim vs the World and Live Free or Die Hard (both strong female roles, thank you). Also, the CGI was excellent per usual (Boba Fett’s space Vespa thugs excepted). I might deduct a point because some of the lightsaber choreography was stiff (IMO).

At the end of the day, I’m giving Ahsoka a 2/5 but I’m still hopeful. The Star Wars universe is vast. With the proper writing and directing, it could be magical again. I’ll pop in for season 2 and see if they’ve righted the starship. If not, there’s always something else on.

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The Creator – Darn that eternal optimist in me

If any of you follow my reviews you probably figured out that I try to be an optimist, realist and truth-seeker. Those things often seem to be irreconcilable these days. It helps to be an over-thinker. So when I saw the amazing previews for The Creator I leaned over to Mrs Average Dude and whispered ‘I’m IN’. I was excited about this movie that seemed to have a spark of originality and some amazing special effects. When, oh when, will I ever learn to temper my expectations. That’s rhetorical. The answer is never. I will never learn.

The Creator was directed by Gareth Edwards, a veteran of grand scale sci-fi movies (Rogue One, Godzilla, The Last Jedi). I loved Rogue One, but Godzilla could have been a lot better. And don’t even get me started on The Last Jedi. So much evidence to the contrary, I still had hope that Edwards was trending in the right direction.

Still waiting for Frisbee: the movie

I’ve long opined that there is really nothing new coming out of Hollywood. Receipts: when they make movies out of the childhood favorite games Battleship (c’mon, man!) and Rock Em Sock Em Robots (Real Steel, which I actually liked a lot) you can’t be faulted for coming to that conclusion. And even though The Creator kind of parallels the movie ‘A.I.’ (an under-rated Spielberg piece) it still felt like a story angle that had not been beaten to death. Maybe it’s more fair to say that it combined elements of A.I./Terminator/The Matrix and then added a dash of Platoon/Commando/Apocalypse Now. Point is, there were a lot of ingredients going into this sci-fi gumbo. And, as I’ve learned, sometimes a good gumbo can be a bit overwhelming.

I’m kind of at a loss to explain why The Creator didn’t quite work. My best analysis says that it had so much really awesome CGI and special effects that it had to sacrifice too much human character development. Or cyborg character development. But it’s more than that. It feels like the message of this movie is that AI Life Matters, which I’m not afraid to say might be the biggest WTF moment since…well, don’t get me started on that, either. Unsure if Edwards truly believes that or if he just found a new MacGuffin. If it was the latter, bravo. That’s some out of the box thinking. If it’s the former…seek help.

A parallel of downfalls

One of the parallels of The Creator and A.I. is that they both wanted to be kind of artsy-fartsy. I like a good artsy-fartsy movie, don’t get me wrong. But sci-fi and artsy-fartsy do not usually mix well (was Clockwork Orange artsy-fartsy? I think maybe).

Additionally, I am very much NOT a fan of the whole ‘chapters within a movie’ shtick. Having a black-screen pop up and tell me the movie is shifting focus/timestamp/character arc only reminds me that I’m sitting in a theater. And I’ve said it thousand times, I want to immerse myself in a the movie to the point where the rest of the world falls away for a couple of hours. For me, seeing a new chapter placard is jarring.

I was powerless not to get choked up

What I liked about The Creator: Madeleine Yuna Voyles. Wow, what a little actress. In a movie that struggled to evoke emotions that it so desperately tried to evoke, she was the only one to do it. MYV was so charming and vulnerable you could not help but get invested in her journey.

I also really liked the battle setting of ‘New Asia’. the Creator is reminiscent of all the powerful Vietnam-era war movies that we love and superbly updated with tech that’s fresh, sleek and cool. In the sci-fi/CGI world where tech of gargantuan size has become yawningly common, Edwards managed to put it in an uncommon setting and shoot it in a way that actually made it look impressive again.

After much thought, I’m giving The Creator a 3 out of 5. This could have easily been a 4.5/5 if not for the aforementioned misses. A near miss and a disappointment, no doubt. But certainly not without some really great redeeming qualities.

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ADMR – Dumb Money is TOTALLY worth the money

As promised, Average Dude is giving you a twofer this week and I am happy to be able to heartily recommend Dumb Money for your consumption.

This story should be fresh in everyone’s memory, as it happened a mere two-ish years ago during the height of the pandemic. Dumb Money is the story of a lone content creator named Keith Gill (Paul Dano), who went by the online sobriquet ‘Roaring Kitty’. He had some small following as an ‘everyman’ stock market educator, sharing his routine and methods on how to research and track stocks (all disclaimers were issued, btw). He always showed his receipts after market closing. Roaring Kitty seemed to be on the level as a truly good guy, fully transparent.

NERDS UNITE!

And so it happened that one day, he saw a stock that he believed to be undervalued and sank his life savings into it (something like $50k). Using a service called Robin Hood run by Vlad Tenev (a marvelously douchy performance by Sebastian Stan), which purported to allow stock transactions with no fees, Gill invested in GameStop (GME) and posted his purchase and reasons for the decision on his podcast (‘I like the stock!’). And that’s when things got interesting. Really, really interesting.

According to the movie (and all news stories that I can remember) GameStop stock became the focal point of an amazing little guy movement. Using the Robin Hood app, small investors (which have been dubbed ‘Dumb Money’ by the big investment firms) started investing in GameStop. Like, a lot.

And the little guys made money. Like, a LOT.

This caught the attention of one of the big hedge fund firm managers Gabe Plotkin (played by Seth Rogen) who saw an opportunity to make money by basically betting on GameStop to lose (called shorting the stock). The more money the giant hedge fund poured into GameStop, the more little guy investors bought and held the stock. A true organic uprising of the masses standing their ground and refusing to ‘take the money and run’.

Inspiring stuff

So, the crux of this story is ‘who will prevail? The little guy(s) who battle the established financial elites? Or Melvin Capital and their big hedge fund cronies, with all their expertise and money and power?’ If you followed this story at all, you already know the answer to this. The story seemed to catch the world’s attention for a hot minute and then the MSM moved on to the next shiny object. This movie gives us all the closure that we had forgotten we wanted. We got to see some resolution to the epic. And I have to say, it was really satisfying.

A perfect analogy for movies in general

Was Dumb Money enough to give the Average Dude hope that we – the unwashed masses – can triumph over the elitists of the world? Not really. The game is just too rigged against us. The best that we can hope for is an occasional lightning strike like Roaring Kitty to give the big shots a well-deserved black eye. It may not change the overall outcome but man, is it satisfying in the moment.

I’m giving Dumb Money a heartfelt 4 out of 5. Everybody (except for the Coriolanus Snows of the world) loves an underdog. And Dumb Money is a real-life underdog story that literally could have happened to any of us. That is comforting and some tasty food for thought.

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This week’s offering is on A Haunting In Venice. But first…

All apologies to my readers…I was AWOL last week. I try very hard to hit the pleather seats and chomp corn every single week. Sometimes life intervenes. In this case, we were all hands on deck to prepare for a massive engagement party at Average Dude’s house…which included finishing out the Average Dude’s Mancave (which we have dubbed ‘The Screening Room’). It was a big task and a big hit. Average Dude is very proud.

But my dedication to you is resolute. Look for a second review later in the week.

Mrs. Average Dude is a crafty lass (not in the derogatory way). She absolutey is in her element when decorating for an event. And Halloween is her unchallenged favorite event. To help her get into the spirit of the Season of the Witch (see what I did there?) she wanted to go see a scary movie. She’s not big at all on splatter movies (nor am I, tbh) so she chose A Haunting In Venice to satisfy the craving. I’m not sure that her craving was sated. Mine sure wasn’t.

Hercule! Hercule! Hercule! (did it again, somebody is going to have to stop me…)

A Haunting in Venice was directed by and starring Kenneth Branagh as Hercule Poirot, a French detective of great renown. You might think of him as France’s weak answer to Sherlock Holmes. And yes, I know Poirot appeared in 86 works by Agatha Christie. I did not even know the name Hercule Poirot before this movie so I said what I said.

In honesty, I had no idea this was an Agatha Christie movie. If I had, my expectations might have been different. But the end result would probably have been the same, maybe worse. Christie is widely considered the gold standard of ‘whodunnit’ fiction. If I had plopped down in my seat with that in mind, I might have turned my analytical knob up to 11 (I did it again…can’t help myself).

So, was A Haunting in Venice a quality whodunnit? This is where the ‘meh’ comes in. It wasn’t the worst I’ve ever seen, but guessing the culprit was just that, a guess. There were definitely not enough ‘clues’ to allow us to piece it all together. Not even close. Scooby Doo did it just as well.

Giving A Haunting in Venice a bit of a break here…it’s got to be nigh impossible to do a proper whodunnit these days. We as an audience have become so used to forgiving plot holes, editing oopsies and suspension of disbelief that pretty much any of the clues could have been overlooked as mistakes. The quality bar has been set appaullingly low. We have nobody to blame but ourselves for allowing it to happen.

I’ll spare you all a rundown of individual cast members. I’m sure they will thank me later…

So, was there anything to truly like about A Haunting in Venice? Nothing that comes easlily to mind, I’m afraid. The dialogue seemed over-rehearsed, if that makes sense. Branagh rattled off his lines in a decent French accent, but the words sounded too polished, too perfectly metered. Is that a characteristic of Poirot? Maybe. But in the moment, it all just felt rushed, like a bad actor would do. I don’t think Branagh is a bad actor so I have to assume it was a director’s choice. And it seemed to be a contageous quirk, because Tina Fey fell into the same habit. So, if it was a director’s choice, it missed badly. For the Average Dude, at least.

If pressed to find a positive in this, I’d have to say that at least I’ve now been warned that Agatha Christie movies are not going to be given the attention they deserve as far as writing goes (and it goes a long way, obviously). In a world that has become okay with sub-mediocre writing in our entertainment, a true artist like Christie is just not going to thrive. Sad but true, I think.

I’m giving A Haunting in Venice a 2 out of 5 and will say that, unless you are a ride or die fan of Agatha Christie or Hercule Poirot, skip it. At any time. Even when it shows up on streaming (should be a couple of weeks from now, I’m guessing).

Let’s just put this one behind us and move on to the second helping of Average Dude Movie Reviews, coming tomorrow. I promise you, it will be worth your time and corn!

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So…the Average Dude is many things…writer, artist, movie afficionado extraordinaire, golf hacker, budding entrepreneur, fantasy football demi-deity and so on. But what I am most in life is a family man. I love my family above myself. So when Mrs Average Dude was excited to go see My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3, how could I say no? She has so very dutifully accompanied me to see almost every movie I’ve reviewed (she skipped Fast X and I continue to remind her that she missed out). And to be fair, I did see MBFGW 1 &2. I didn’t pay to see them in theater, of course. But I remember that I didn’t hate them.

(And, I’m not saying that I spray Windex on lots of stuff you wouldn’t normally spray it on, but I’m also not saying that I don’t. Full disclosure, as always.)

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 is the sequel that we never cared enough to know we didn’t need

MBFGW was released over two decades ago (in 2002) and the first sequel released 14 years later. For a long awaited (ahem) second helping of souvlaki (I looked it up…think gyro without the pita) it was not too bad. Focusing on Gus and Maria was nice because, frankly, Toula and Ian were the least interesting characters of the lot. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 arrives in theaters in 2023 and it is amazing that a lot of the original cast were still around and able to participate. Sadly, one of the missing was the very heart of the Portokalos family. RIP, Gus. I truly loved you.

Heart and Soul

With the heart that holds the family together gone, apparently the soul departed as well. My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 was all over the place and never found any real identity. Was it about who would now lead the family? Was it about honoring Gus’s memory (on multiple fronts, apparently)? Was it about connecting with distant family? Was it about young love? Old love? Forbidden love (x2)? An existential soul-search? Believing in yourself? Finding yourself? Was it about saving the past or evolving? Immigrant rights or overcoming bigotry? Was it about how to care for an elderly loved one with some stage of dementia? Yes to all of thee above. And unfortunately, none were done well.

SURPRISE, SURPRISE, SURPRISE!

My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 was a master class in trying to cram way too much into a movie and giving nothing time to flourish. So many plates spinning that I can’t even list them all. Every single character seemed to have their own mission, secret or internal dilemma. And in the final reel, they all were resolved – weakly – because ‘the movie is ending sooo SHAZAM! RESOLUTION!’

As disappointing as that was, My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 also shoe-horned in a whole handful of new characters that had their own storylines to flesh out. One of which was apparently meant to check a certain box. The ham-fisted inclusion of the whole trans question only served to make what could have been an interesting character shallow. That sounds contradictory but it isn’t.

In fairness to Mrs Average Dude, I should tell you that she liked MBFGW3. Am I missing something? Some emotional disconnect inherent in the male mind? Maybe. I am a dude after all so probably. But since I didn’t hate MBFGW 1&2, I feel like I have sufficient cred to be able to say that My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 was a big fat Greek mess and doesn’t add anything to the quirky characters we loved and, in fact, detracted from them. I’m giving My Big Fat Greek Wedding 3 a shakey 2 out of 5. I’m glad now that Gus wasn’t in this movie. I don’t think even he could have weathered this unscathed.

Oh, and just btw, they managed to jam an actual Greek (sort of) wedding in at the finish line. Otherwise, they would have had to call it My Big Fat Greek Vacation…that would have worked, actually. They need to have me on speed dial. Seriously.

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Blue Beetle bugs me

I’m not going to pull any punches here, gonna hit you with it right out of the gate. Blue Beetle is not a good movie. It’s not horrible (see the Meg 2 for horrible). It’s just…not good. And in its not goodness, it exposes an awful – and hopefully brief – direction for Hollywood. I’m putting this hot take out there and it might get me in trouble. But that’s okay. It’s not said with any malice whatsoever and predicated on my iron-clad promise to tell the truth.

Blue Beetle was created primarily with the Latino community in focus. To back up that assertion, I would point out that there was, as far as I could see, one single non-Latino star – Susan Sarandon (we’ll get to her later). There were countless references and asides that went over my head and who knows how many I didn’t even know I should be wondering about. Even the credits were overwhelmingly – almost exclusively – Latino talent. I’m not saying that Latino actors and industry workers are bad. There are tons of movies featuring Latino talent that are amazing. Encanto, the two Spiderverse movies, Stand and Deliver, both Zorros, I could go on and on. I’m saying that aiming it at them is not necessarily a recipe for success. It feels like pandering and it often excludes the largest viewing demograph out there, which almost always results in lower box office numbers.

But it gets worse. Blue Beetle tried to make this movie about Latinos by drawing from elements of other successful movies. This only served to give it a terminal identity crisis. When I say it is a mish-mash, I’m not kidding. Here are those receipts as promised:

The Green Beetle

At first, I felt like I was watching a retelling of Green Lantern. Okay, not a successful movie, granted. But the comparison is fair. An alien artifact drops to earth and gets to decide who it wants as its champion. At least the costume was mostly not animated. On the downside, it clearly looked rubber. Pick your poison, I guess.

Iron Beetle

The aforementioned Blue Beetle scarab was technological in nature. Once selected, our hero has to learn how to fly and appropriately use his new tech. He also has a Jarvis-like AI entity attached (literally) that he talks to in his very Iron Man like display in his helmet. Or mask. Or nanotech. Whatevs.

The Blue Panther

What seemed to me to be the most glaring and out of place ripoff was the spiritual plane that Jaimie Reyes (Xolo Maridueña) entered to chat with a relative. Where the ‘Great Veldt’ from Black Panther was applicable to the culture and adequately fleshed out, Blue Beetle seemed to randomly jam it into the story. It was unexpected and didn’t quite fit the ‘family’ narrative for this movie. Not that more was needed. The importance of family was well established early on.

Milagro-fina

Jamie’s sister Milagro Reyes (Belissa Escobedo) was a wise-cracking second banana that possessed all the annoyance of Awkwafina without any of the charm (there was a moment of literal bathroom humor that I’m only slightly ashamed to say I laughed at).

As for the rest of the movie, Blue Beetle clearly followed the superhero formula. Soulless villain pursuing world-conquering power (Iron Man, Winter Soldier, Black Panther, Age of Ultron, need I go on?) In Blue Beetle, the villain was corporate in nature and portrayed by Susan Sarandon in a performance as lacking in effort as I have ever seen. Was it really that awful? I’m afraid so, Janet. Funny how the only caucasian person in the movie was evil and rich but whatevs. It’s kind of cliche at this point.

So, what was there to like about Blue Beetle? There were a couple of mid-points (I can’t really call them high points). George Lopez played Uncle Rudy, a seminal MacGuffin on which much of the plot relied. I dig him because he’s not affraid to make fun of himself and Latino tropes without debasing them. We should all be so self-effacing and willing to laugh at ourselves.

There is also Nana Reyes (Adriana Barraza) who first seemed like a very generic throw-away character but was a clever reminder to not judge a book by its cover and also respect the wisdom and experience of your elders. That’s all I’ll say about that. I’ll let you discover this gem on your own.

There’s not much else to say about this hodge-podge of other superhero flicks except to say that, in every instance, it was done much better. Once again, the sum of the refurbed parts does not a greater whole make. Even though I saw this coming, I still feel like I’ve been crane-kicked in the face.

And also, it’s not bad to make a movie highlighting an underserved segment of society. But this movie didn’t do it well. That’s its greatest downfall. I’m giving Blue Beetle a 2/5. And will someone please explain to me what was going on with the claymation and why it should have been entertaining? Thanks in advance.

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Post Review comment: A lot of reviewers I follow (ALWAYS after my own review, btw) have given this movie high marks. I don’t get that, myself. But since I am open to considering all opinions (especially conflicting ones), I wanted to present that to you all. In the end, I think I’m more ‘One Of You’ than they are (or have become, maybe that’s more accurate). And being one of ‘us’, I’m invested in not being swayed by anything other than ‘what do we enjoy?’ Challenge me in good faith and we’ll discuss! ~ Average Dude