Category: Movie Reviews

 

Land of Bad is a whole lot of good

This week, Mrs. Average Dude and I popped in to see Land of Bad. But first off, I have to apologize for offering you no review last week. I was kind of focused on a little Sunday contest we all watched. It was, I’ve heard, the most watched tv show ever. And even though we experienced tragedy at the victory parade, it’s still a fantastic time to be a Chief’s fan. And it was just luck that there really wasn’t anything that looked worthy of review coming out. Thanks for understanding.

(Not too) hard choices

This week, however, there were at least three new shows at my local moviehaus that deserved consideration. There was Bob Marley: One Love. I still want to see that. Marley is a legend that I feel like I need to know more about. Seeing the bio-pic and also doing the accompanying research to see if Hollywood gets it right will take time, and I want to do it right.

Also released was the new Sony/Marvel Spider-man spin-off, Madame Web,. Why the studio decided that Valentine’s Day was a good time to release it is anyone’s guess. The advanced word on it was “train wreck of East Palestine, Ohio proportions”. I consider myself something of a comic book character fount of knowledge, and I barely knew of the character Madame Web. All other sources have reviewed this movie and I think they’ve exhausted all negative adjectives.

Are you not entertained?

Then there is Land of Bad, starring Liam Hemsworth and Russell Crowe. It feels wrong somehow to give Gladiator second billing. He’s Gladiator. He’s the Bulldog of Bergen. He’s Zeus, Jack Aubrey and Jor-el. It’s nice to see him play a pivotal role in Land of Bad. But he clearly wasn’t THE star. Crowe isn’t really in ‘action movie’ shape these days. And Land of Bad is most definitely an action thriller.

Land of Bad is the story of Sgt JJ Kinney, a young, fresh-faced Air Force JTAC soldier. Think Special Forces with a missile drone overwatch. Crowe is the eyes in the sky drone pilot, slamming Monster energy drinks and sporting a golf glove to protect his stick hand. Sgt Kinney gets imbedded with three campaign-hardened bush soldiers on a mission to extract one of their own who was captured by a well-funded personal army in the Philippines. Pretty standard popcorn movie stuff.

 

It’s nigh impossible for Hollywood to find a new angle to the modern era jungle soldier flick. And to this movie’s credit, it didn’t even try. There were no over-the-top action sequences, no stretches of the imagination. What Land of Bad delivered was a taught, well-paced movie full of jungle action that was wholey believeable. Add just enough high-tech drama and a pinch of human conflict. When all the elements are thrown into the pot and doled out expertly, the dish is quite tasty, definitely served piping hot.

Mike Drop

Land of Bad is a fantastic example of how the right actors, combined with the right director, can take an overtold premise and make it something very entertaining. Sure, we need at least adequate writing. But movies like John Wick show us that, with the right actors and the right director, dialog can be ordinary…or even non-existant. JW4 was 3 hours long. John had 103 lines composed of 484 words total. And get this…Jorma Tommila in Sisu (reviewed here) had only 5 lines the entire movie. My point is made.

Cred where cred is due

At this point, I’m willing to give acting cred to Liam Hemsworth. Yes, he’s nearly as buff as his better known sibling and not nearly as built out as his lesser known sibling (Luke, who is also in this film). But I’ve seen enough of his acting (Hunger Games, to be specific) to award him more than female eye candy status. It took Brad Pitt’s performance in 12 Monkeys to get that nod from me.

Russell Crowe was excellent in a supporting role. I’ve yet to see a movie of his that he just phones in, and that’s the mark of a consumate professional.

This is the first movie directed by William Eubank that I’ve ever seen. His IMDB is fairly light, with little that I’ve even heard of. But I won’t be shy about seeing his work in the future.

So, let’s check off some boxes here: Above average casting in all prominent roles: CHECK. Well-paced action thriller story: CHECK. Very believeable scenes with zero over-the-top action sequences: CHECK. Promising young director: CHECK. I am very happy to give Land of Bad a very deserved 4.1 of 5. See it with confidence and spring for the medium popcorn, because this movie will keep you chomping in more ways than one.

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Argylle…a cinematic fashion statement

We’ve been seeing Argylle trailors for months now and anticipation abounds. As a well-seasoned moviegoer, I still bite when I see a good preview. Sometimes I’m the one bitten. The first Suicide Squad had me slavering like a hungry fox. Oh, the disappointment… But on this topic, I’ve resolved in my soul that I will never learn my lesson. So be it. And even though all the trailers CLEARLY said this was a Matthew Vaughn movie, I didn’t make the mental connection…Matthew Vaughn directed the Kingsman movies and they were fantastic! Diminishingly so, but still, each was a great watch.

I had the great pleasure of watching Argylle with not just my constant partner in crime, the fearless and fetching Mrs. Average Dude. We got a surprise visit from our son, who lives ‘out on the edge of the Louisiana Purchase’ and we enjoyed a super-quick burger and movie night. Bonus.

Argylle is the story of Ellie Conway, a novelist whose fiction niche is international intrigue and super-spy action, like a modern-day Ian Flemming. If you need me to tell you who that is and what he created, we can’t be friends. Ellie’s Bond-like character is Aubrey Argylle, played by Henry Cavill. Cavill is one of my favorites since Man of Steel. Here he is in my all-time favorite period piece, the Count of Monte Cristo.

But I digress. Cavill’s part in Argylle is not as extensive as the trailors would have us believe. It’s okay. His roll is important, none-the-less. Of greater import in this movie is Aiden, who CAT-apults Ellie (will that be my only dad joke today? Time will tell) into her own world of espionage. Aiden proceeds to do battle with several strangers on a train who are bent on killing one or both of them. Fun banter intermixed with standard but still great action sequences. The Average Dude abides.

I’m not going to say that Argylle is in any danger of being proclaimed as one of Matthew Vaughn’s greatest works. It definitely isn’t. But is it fun and light-hearted, as his movies tend to be? Absolutely. Do we need to unreasonably suspend disbelief during his action sequences? …..ehhhhh….yes and also no.

I personally love them

With many of Vaughn’s movies, there comes a point where the action sequences become more of a spectacle than probably any other action sequences in the history of cinema. Farcical doesn’t truly describe them and you either like them or you don’t. Think of this sequence from Kingsman the first and you’ll get what I’m on about.

And clearly, Matthew Vaughn likes working with certain stars. Sam Jackson has a small part in this movie that he could have just mailed in. Likewise for Sophia Boutella (sporting legs this time around). Not a knock at all. I kind of like a director that adds his own calling cards, as Vaughn is wont to do.

Like them or not, you have to admit they are unique. And colorful. And in 2024, finding something different and unapologetically gleeful is like finding folding money in the laundry…it makes your day. And in the end, that’s what I’m saying about Argylle. The anticipation did not overstep itself.

I know I’m asking for it…

Argylle is not without some major story flaws. And it sported a heroine that clearly isn’t in top form, shall we say? Lets say that. I have always been a fan of Bryce Dallas Howard…she was such a cutie in Jurasic Park Dominion. But come on! And I know I’m asking for a ton of hate for this take but it feels dishonest to NOT mention it. Did it detract from the movie experience? Yup.

Speaking for average dudes everywhere, we like our spies and superheroes to be buff. And we like our female buttkickers to be lean and mean, not soft and …well, there you have it. Call me what you want but you can’t call me a liar. Or a coward. Ignoring the glaring dissimilarity between BDH in Argylle and the last Jurassic movie feels dishonest. Not mentioning it seems like purposeful ignorance. Other than Kung Fu Panda, I can’t think of an overweight action star that we flock to see. I guess I just don’t get the point in casting against type for this kind of role. I said what I said.

In spite of all, the pluses did outnumber and outweigh (okay, I knew I had another one in me) the minuses. Cranston, Cena and O’Hare were serviceable. But the deal-sealer is Sam Rockwell, who slays in everything he does. And as usual, he includes a little bit of fancy footwork somewhere in the film. Nearly every ounce of levity was provided by him, with some slight assistance from a semi-CGI cat. The Average Dude family in attendance gives Argylle a thumbs up, and I’m giving Argylle my first 4/5 of the year.

And since I am your Average Dude, let me just say that I had no idea Matthew Vaughn was married to a supermodel/star…

Bravo, Matthew. Well done, sir. Hat’s are off to you.

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Anyone But You? Anyone but ME

As you know, The Average Dude is 100% committed to consistency. Have I not brought you at least one review every week since I first put pen to paper (metaphorically)? And even in the lean stretch twice each year, I still venture out to sample something if there is ANYTHING that MIGHT POSSIBLY be worth our time. This week, I felt my only shot was to see the new Pixar show. Then, inspiration struck…I would give Mrs. Average Dude the choice. She’s been so amazingly supportive of my blog. This feels like small reward for her loyalty but I give it with much love. She chose the only rom-com currently out at our moviehaus: Anyone But You.

There is no better place from which to view the world than from behind three feet of mahogany

Anyone But You most notably stars Glen Powell and Sydney Sweeney as the pretty people poster children of this totally formulaic romantic comedy. They are by no means the only stars in this firmament. I had a vague notion of seeing Sweeney around in something somewhere, but names like Dermot Mulroney and Bryan Brown (the amazing Douglas Coughlin from ‘Cocktail’) have a well-known legacy. Rachel Griffiths has a smallish biography but enough that Mrs AD and I were trying to figure out where we had seen her (The Rookie, to save you the search).

 

Even Hadley Robinson was familiar, having just watched her charming performance in The Boys in the Boat. And maybe it’s just me. Or maybe it’s just that I’m, you know, an average dude. But I live in a world where not everyone is flawlessly gorgeous and every apartment is affordable. There is no trendy coffee shop downstairs. And yes, I know my world has rugged dudes that can absorb multiple gunshot wounds and recover with asprin and tied off with a piece of a dirty shirt. Like I said…I’m an average dude. To each their own.

So pretty it’s ridiculous

So, yes…I realize for whom these movies are made and the prettiness factor is dialed up to an unrealistic eleven. Like the Hallmark movies that Mrs Average Dude loves, everyone is perfect and love wins out in the end. That’s not a spoiler. I did mention that this is the most formulaic rom-com in the history of rom-coms, yes?

Even so, I was able to appreciate this movie when viewed as an AD who loves his Mrs AD with the fiery passion of every rom-com pairing ever. Not because of the story, which was painfully contrived and predictable. And not because of the minor star power, because the script was mostly so bad it was cringe (which the movie actually admits!). No, this movie was enjoyable due a couple of quirky moments, a few chuckles and the irresistable charm of Glen Powell.

Just paying his dues

Anyone But You is ‘chokkers’ with bargain bin stars…there’s a poor man’s Gal Gadot, a poor man’s Kirsten Dunst, a poor man’s Thor Odinson (he was actually called ‘B*tch Hemsworth’). And if I’m being honest, Glen Powell is a poor man’s Ryan Reynolds. It’s okay. That’s a really high bar. I’d love to be called that. Here’s the thing…Powell is paying his dues right now. Reynolds did his time on the rom-com set. I suspect that Powell will be the new RR when he’s ready to pass the torch. Powell is just too Reynoldsy to not be the guy. It’s kismet.

It needed to be said

As charming as Powell is in Anyone But You, I have to go on the record as saying that I believe Sydney Sweeney could be the worst actress since Kristen Stewart. I know that this is a really small sample size and I’m willing to be proven wrong. But from what I saw, she was cast because of her physical attributes (which are considerable) and those alone. But her acting…? Just. Really. Awful. I don’t like saying that one bit. But I said what I said.

Bonus

Overlooking that, there were enough predictable chuckles and individual character charm to keep me from having a mid-movie ‘nappetizer’ (Mrs. AD’s jibe). Of particular note were Joe Davidson (the aforementioned Hemsworth clone) and GaTa (never heard of him but okay). Each of them had their moments so I’m giving them a marginal thumbs up. They did the best they could with a sophmoric script. Joe Davidson’s beach shower scene where he rattled off an impressive list of Aussie slang for…uh, his manpride…was much fun. And informative.

Because and in spite of all, I’m giving Anyone But You – the most generic rom-com title ever schlepped out of Hollywood – a 3.2 out of 5. It’s a perfectly suitable lean month watch. Go forth, Glen Powell, and do great things. And in case you might wonder if The Average Dude has a bias against rom-coms in general? I do have a favorite. Worth Winning, circa 1989 starring Mark Harmon is a great watch that totally holds up. Just remember, there was a time before cell phones when camcorders were a thing. Enjoy!

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I.S.S. tries to pack suspense into very small real estate

As I’ve said ad nauseum, The Average Dude is adept at finding the good in every movie I shell out my hard-earned coin for. To date, I’ve only found one movie that I literally could not do that with (I’m looking at you, ‘Us’). And even though we are in the sloppy-cold stretch for cinema, I’m glad to say that I did find that silver lining in the slightly above ‘meh’ movie that is I.S.S. Slightly above.

I.S.S. is the story of the folks that live above the clouds on the International Space Station (hence the name). A motley mix of American and Russian scientists cohabitate, coordinate and cooperate, having found a zen-like existence above the clouds. New arrival Dr. Kira Foster barely has time to tuck her lab mice into their new weightless home when she sees silent, terrifying, catastrophic lights expanding across the surface of Mother Earth. It seems that WWIII has errupted and no one thought to warn the I.S.S. crew first. Bureaucratic short-sightedness knows no borders, clearly.

So Much for Zen

And, as one might expect (and the trailer announced), those bureaucratic masterminds that brought you nuclear summer quickly followed by nuclear winter have indeed finally remembered the I.S.S. and have sent orders to ‘Secure the station. At any cost’. Brilliant.

Houston, we have a problem…

So, each team has orders to shove their moral compass in a drawer and become combatants. Their internal and group deliberations were disturbingly brief, which doesn’t speak highly of either Russian or American tethering to humanity. Moral ambiguity aside, they’re all scientists. Even if some of them are military scientists, they’re still presumably not hard-wired to kill. I’m thinking  the battle might look something like…

https://images.app.goo.gl/J7x8pYujhknGNwxB8
https://images.app.goo.gl/5q1h4DXrcy4EUUnX9

It’s all about the science, man

I.S.S. does it’s best to build tensions and highlight internal conflicts in a semi-slow burn, but it doesn’t quite make it. The most I felt was a slight anxiety and no real investment in any of the astro/cosmo-naughts. I actually found myself wishing to know more about what was going on planetside. We never got any kind of confirmation on who was winning down there or who was left. The visuals from the I.S.S. were visceral, basically showing an earth aflame. That seemed like the real story of intest here, not a potential slap-fight from the Big Bang Theory cast.

Also, it was never even clear why both governments wanted control of the I.S.S. in the first place…some vague reference to radioactive research in zero gravity. It seemed pretty obvious that they had weightier concerns on the ground but whatevs.

I.S.S. had a pretty short run-time – a mere 1h 35m – which still seemed a little long for this story to be told. Christopher Nolan, the king of the slow burn, could have found a way to properly build the tension. But this version of the story mostly failed to launch, and The Average Dude can only give I.S.S. a 3 out of 5 and I  truly wonder if this might have worked better as a dark comedy. The best thing about this movie was the stunning visuals of Global Thermonuclear War as viewed from the silent vaccuum of space. Given the current state of actual geopolitical unrest, these were even more gut-wrenching. Brrrr.

Elizabeth…this is the big one…

And btw, I had hoped that we would have a space station that looked more like Star Trek and less like Sanford and Sons. But that’s just me.

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The Boys in the Boat…the feel-good movie of…the week after Christmas…

Sigh…we are moving into that post-Christmas movie doldrum period where shelling out money for a show feel more like a habit than an event. And even though I think The Boys in the Boat actually did come out at Christmas, it was overshadowed by Wonka (yay!) and Aquaman (yeesh). Time management, people.

The Boys in the Boat: the General Tso’s of feel good movies

So cool, I was able to see a decent movie this week. Because I think pretty much everything new that my local moviehaus brought in last week is pooptrash. I saw the previews for Beekeeper and even those are pretty low quality. I welcome anyone who can prove me wrong.

And don’t even get me started on the redo of Mean Girls. That is the very definition of a remake that nobody asked for. Or wanted. But back to the Boys in the Boat…

Wasn’t that what Jesse Owens did?

The Boys in the Boat is a period piece set in the heart of the Great Depression in pre-WWII America. Adolf the Vile is hosting the 1936 Olympics and is bent on proving German superiority on a world stage. Enter the University of Washington Scull Team, Junior Varsity. In a country desperately needing a win, some of the most down-trodden, second-stringers rise to the occassion.

Armed with little more than American grit and determination, this unlikely band of students win the hearts of a country starving for hope. And even though Jesse Owens was the big story of that Olympiad, and he did make a little cameo in this movie, the story of the boys in the boat was still…nice.

So sure, it was a feel-good movie and that was nice

As it is with movies like Cinderella Man, where you knew the outcome walking in, it’s nice. But unlike Cinderella Man, the stakes are comparatively low. In Cinderella Man, we find it easy to become invested in the Riches to Rags to Riches true story of James J. Braddock and family. It helps that the cast was absolutely top shelf. The stakes for TBitB weren’t quite so high. Or personal.

For the most part, The Boys in the Boat had no marque names attached. Joel Edgerton, we’ve seen. Callum Turner’s face is familiar. And I actually had to Google where I saw Courtney Henggeler before (nice to see you again, Mrs. LaRusso). The only big name attached to this is director George Clooney. I’ve heard of that guy. Other than him…eh. Not much in the way of star-power. Still, everyone in the cast did a nice job.

AWKwerd

Maybe you’ve noticed the purposeful overuse of the word ‘nice’. That’s because it fits this movie…uh…nicely. Nothing about The Boys in the Boat was bad. Not at all. But nothing really stands out, either. The gold standard of feel-good movies might be Cinderella Man. There were cheers from the audience at the end of it. With BitB, I noticed a smattering of applause…the kind that dies off quickly when they realize that they are clapping alone. Yoiks. Good thing the lights had not come up yet.

So yeah.The Boys in the Boat was a nice movie, made a bit nicer because it came at at time of year when nice is a rarity, and that’s not nothing. Still, I’m only giving it a 3.3 out of 5. Not a feel-good movie I’ll put in my regular rewatch rotation (like Bagger Vance). I won’t stop and watch 5 minutes every time I see it on the random (like Tombstone). It was just…kind of…what’s the word I’m looking for…?

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Average Dude Movie Reviews! The Best Movie of 2023 Part 2…

Here it is, this is my continuing quest…spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of movies…the thrill of victory…and the agony of defeat…the human drama of cinematic entertainment…this is

When last we saw our Average Dude…

…we were recapping the Best Movie of 2023 candidates, leaving off with:
Equalizer 3: What, I hear you saying, is an August movie doing in consideration for this lofty accolade? To be honest, I was pretty surprised myself. Yet here we are. And there’s no one person to thank for the late summer gem that this movie was. Denzel delivers, always. But he couldn’t give us a 4 star movie all on his lonesome.

The story was nothing new, that’s true. But seeing D’s take on the character – complete with all the gravitas at his disposal – just made it so cool. Add to that the spectacular locations that were more than window dressing for the action…well, it was just special. Was it a litte more special given that it popped up when I was expecting the dregs of Hollywood? Fair. But it still got a 4 star rating and I’m sticking to it. Fight me.

Dumb Money: Wow, what a surprise this one was! When you think of real life feel good stories, you think of movies like Cinderella Man, The Blind Side or Homeward Bound: the Incredible Journey (YES IT WAS! DON’T MAKE ME FIGHT YOU!). Yes, sure, those are fantastic movies that happened to real folks far and long away. Dumb Money was a feeler that hit very close to home because A)it was recent. Like, last year recent, and B)it very well could have been you or me. If any of you made money off that adventure in finance, I’d love to hear your story.

The Hunger Games BoSaS: I’m going to find a way to make that stick. BOH-sass. It’s just so satisfying to say. This latest visit to Panem was also satisfying. Also unsatisfying, but in a good way. It left me wanting more. There is clearly more tale to tell about Coriolanus Snow’s climb to the top, and I won’t truly be satisfied in this futureworld story until I see it. What’s great about BoSaS is that it’s not just a repackaging of the JLaw Hunger Games. It’s a new world on multiple levels. It helps that the source materials are top shelf.

The Shift: I can’t say enough about this movie and the movie company that created not only the Shift, but Sound of Freedom. Both movies are important movies (I explained that a couple of times, I think) and both movies definitely deserve to be Best Movie of 2023. With SoF, it is important to shed light on the evil that supposedly ‘civilized’ people still inflict on the weakest among us.

The Shift is important on a much more personal level. Not to get all preachy on you, but watch this movie with an openness of mind and heart. And if it raises an uncomfortable itch within you…don’t ignore it. Scratch it. What did the great sage C S Lewis say? if (it’s) false, (it’s) of no importance, and if true, of infinite importance. The only thing it cannot be is moderately important.

Wonka: I don’t know how how many times or how many ways I can compliment this movie. In an age where movies have created all the magic you thought possible…Star Wars. Superman. Avengers, et al…along comes a movie that shows us that yes, there is still some magic to be found. And from a prequel, at that. Wonka truly was a magical movie that appeals to our inner kid. This is what I imagine folks seeing Wizard of Oz back in 1939 felt. Pure. Movie. Magic.

For the WIN…

And that’s the list, people. All the movies this year that the Average Dude has given at least 4 out of 5 stars, popcorn bags or whatevers. I gave hard consideration to BOTH offerings from Angel Studios. The Shift and Sound of Freedom made really strong arguements for the top spot. In the end, I opted for pure entertainment value the way momma used to make it. So…the award for Average Dude’s Best Movie of 2023 goes to…

See my full review for Wonka here!

Check back again this week to see how I reviewed ‘The Boys in the Boat’!
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Best Movie of 2023 – Calling Balls and Strikes

It’s about that time of year when movie reviewers are asked ‘What were the best movies of 2023’? Some people are seriously curious about what movies they might have missed. Others are eager to reminisce on the year’s gems. Still others are inviting a debate. I’m totally fine with that as long as the debate is respectful and good-natured. Still others want to inform me that my choices lack merit because I didn’t include ‘Jawan’ in my list of awesome. The thing to remember here is this:

It says so right at the top

I’m an Average Dude. I work a 40 hour week. I have a family and a house that requires maintenance. I have hobbies. I have friends. I have a life. I do not get paid for my reviews, I do it because I love it. But you can d*mn well rest assured that if this was my 9 to 5 then I’d spend a shite-ton more time in my moviehaus and bringing my takes to you. Man, that’d be an boss way to make a living.

But I don’t. Because like most of us, I can’t. So I have to be selective with the movies I do review. Sometimes there’s a week with two worthies that I really want to see. Bonus for all of us. More often than not, it’s just the pick of the litter. And with that in mind, I’ll give you the pick of the pick of the litter for the year 2023.

Best Movie of 2023 – the short list:

So, I’m going to narrow the field down by making two requirements for Best Movie of 2023 consideration. 1) It had to be a theatrical release. There were some great series and streaming releases. I may ammend that next year or I may do a separate Best Of list for those. 2) It had to have score of at least 4 out of 5. That’s it. Let the debates begin…

The Candidates:

The Covenant – a very little known action movie based on real events in that there are thousands of Afghanistan nationals that aided Americans that are now dead or at mortal risk after our botched withdrawl. This movie didn’t shy away from that truth and had an unashamed best of America spirit about it. Solid entertainment that you should watch.

Guardians of the Galaxy vol. 3 – There was no movie that I was more excited to see this year than GotG3. The first one is still in my top 5 Marvel movies all-time. The final installment of the Guardians (at least this iteration of them) was everything you could want in a third and final act. It further developed the characters. It answered questions we’ve had since the begining and even forced us to bring out the hankies. More than once. If you’ve seen the first two, you can not miss this one. If you haven’t seen them, you have a fantastic treat ahead of you.

Spider-man: Across the Spiderverse – I loved the first one. The further adventures of Miles Morales were also a deepening of the character and I loved this one only slightly less than the first. Don’t be put off because it’s animated. The art is absolutely top-shelf and even manages to bring an old element of comics art in a new, fresh way.

MI: Deak Reckoning Part 1 – I wasn’t at all certain we needed another MI movie but I AM certain we still need Tom Cruise action movies, because he still chooses great vehicles and he still delivers. I know it didn’t make the bank they expected, and I have no idea why it didn’t. All I know is that I loved it and will see the second part (and presumably, last MI before they reboot the whole shebang) on opening night.

Sound of Freedom – Angel Studios has a strong showing in this year’s Best Movies of 2023 competition. Sound of Freedom is the first of two. With a budget of next to nothing (comparatively), this movie made it’s money back by a multiple of 17. Not for nothing, but this was an investor funded movie. They made bank. And for good reason. Sound of Freedom is a movie based on the actual story of child abduction and trafficking that has been ignored by Hollywood for years. Angel Studios had the guts to finally make it and were well-rewarded. Read into that what you will.

Next: ADMR Best Movie of 2023 Part 2

Apparently, this is the year of stories too big to be told in a single movie. In fact, there were 3 that have a Part 2 coming at some later date, and two of them made this list (Sorry, Fast X). So in keeping with that fad, next week we will recap the last five nominees. Listed chronologically:
Equalizer 3
Dumb Money
Hunger Games BoSaS (I’m pronouncing that ‘BOH-sass’. It just sounds cool)
the Shift
Wonka

Stop by next week to see who takes the coveted title of Average Dude’s Best Movie of 2023! And maybe, if time and fate are not against me, I’ll give you a little sneak of some new stuff coming in the next year from the Average Dude Movie Reviews. No promises.

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Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was in trouble from the start

Okay, cut me a bit of slack here, but since I have been a sentient, reasonably coherent human being during the last couple of years, I was not oblivious to the clown show surrounding the DCEU debacle nor the Amber Heard trial. The fallout for both affected Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom release expectations. Do those events affect my enjoyment of and subsequent review for this movie? Yes, sure. Of course they do. It sometimes takes a supreme act of will to watch movies and jetison all of the Twitter-talk and YouTube Rah-Rah/Nah-Nah and grade it on its own merits (if such exist).

Even so, I’ll go as far as to say that Aquaman the First colored my expectations more than anything. And to be blunt, I am stunned to hear that it made over a billion dollars (world-wide). I guess a billion bucks doesn’t go as far as it used to.

To put a fine point on it…

Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom is the second – and last – offering in the Aquaman saga. It’s also the last offering from the DCEU as it has been known since Man of Steel first appeared before our wide, innocent eyes. We were all hoping for, even expecting, a battle of awesomeness between the DCEU and the MCU. That battle never materialized. Not at all. I won’t go through all the reasons why the DCEU failed spectacularly. Enough to say that, with the possible exceptions of the first Wonder Woman and Peacemaker, the DCEU was pretty much a soggy shite-show.

I feel you, Ronan

In its defense, I’ll say that Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was in the top half of the stuff that the DCEU has shlepped out. That ain’t saying much, friends. I can honestly remember very little of what the first Aquaman was even about. After a second dip in the pool, I’m pretty confident that the result will be the same.

 

Why should that be, I ask myself? Is it superhero fatigue? I’m not really buying that. I mean, we never really get space sci-fi fatigue, do we? We live in a world where Star Trek, Star Wars, Battlestar Galactica, Firefly, Stargate, Transformers, going on and on and on…all keep us watching happily. Why shouldn’t capes and cowls? No, in my opinion, it all comes down to story and delivery. Aquaman kept us semi-engaged on the strength of Jason Momoa’s charisma. The dude is charming in a special way. He’s at his best when he’s showing his wild-card personality (which seems completely authentic). Delivery.

As always, I carry reciepts for my opinions. Take a gander at my review for Fast X. Momoa breathed life into a franchise that had long since totalled itself. Now, I am actively looking forward to Fast X part 2. Momoa deserves a standing O and all the credit for that. And whatever redeeming qualities Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom possesses, they can all be attributed to his charismatic delivery.

Of the story itself, my best guess is that its just really, really hard for us land-walkers to find common, eh, ground with sea-dwellers. We get a little bit invested in Arthur Curry’s family-building. But with the scaling back of Amber Heard’s scenes, plus the almost an afterthought of Nicole Kidman, even that was pretty watered-down (c’mon…you knew I’d use that one at some point). I was just completely NOT invested in saving an undersea race that I knew nothing about. I don’t recall seeing any scene where even one single Atlantean showed emotion of any sort…horror, sorrow, fear, anger. It’s like the whole movie was botoxed by action into an emotionless mask.

Ah, action. Yes, this movie was filled to the brim with it. CGI action, to be precise. That has a place in movies, no doubt. Especially super-type movies. But clearly another turn-off for Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom was the overuse of it. And I mean OVERuse. A Wile E Coyote level inteligent squid. Every manner of sea creature, to be exact. Even the land scenes were dripping with it. It just becomes lazy at a certain point.

Receipts: it would have been much cooler to see Aquaman flex and strain to topple a giant statue to create a bridge, rather than watching him leap into it and it just falls over perfectly, physics be damned. And that scene was used in the trailer. Ugh. And don’t even get me started on how everyone speaks normally…at the bottom of the sea. Just…don’t. We saw it done better here…

So, it is with no remorse that we bid a final bon voyage to the DCEU and no real surprise that I give Aquaman and the Lost Kingdom a less than resounding 2.2/5 starfishies. And all of that on the weight of Momoa’s personality in the few scenes where it was allowed to shine. I have great hopes for what James Gunn has in store and I hope to see Henry Cavill in tights somewhere in either universe.

Oh, and because I am a 14 year old boy at heart…I give you Amber’s grumpy. Sorry about that.

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Wonka: timing is everything

Ahhh, Christmas! There’s nothing like it, from Hollywood’s perspective. The season of giving. All the studios keep a magic bullet in the pipe to fire at the free-flowing cash spenders who are in the holiday spirit. I try not to fall victim to the obvious seasonal pandering flicks (like, say ‘Wish’). But even I could not avoid the hopeful anticipation of ‘Wonka’.

Wonka is a prequel to the original Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971), which is an unquestioned timeless classic at the level of Wizard of Oz, The Sound of Music and The Godfather. Creating a companion piece to it was a monumental undertaking and getting us to sign on was a big ask. Even the most optimistic moviegoer (as I am) couldn’t help but go in with more than a spoonful of skepticism. But Average Dudes & Dudies, I am here to tell you that those fears are for naught. Wonka is amazing.

Credit where credit is due

I’ll admit, going into Wonka, I was neither hot nor cold on Timothée Chalamet (who magnificently plays title character). I have tried – twice – to watch Dune. That movie will require a distraction-free viewing. I’ll need to be intentional about it at some point. And some of his other movie choices are, shall we say, not my cup of tea? Let’s say that.

Some really heavy stuff in his IMDB credits. Seriously, I don’t need to see Bones and All. A movie about modern-day American cannibalism is a bridge too far for the Average Dude. Fan or not, I admit that it takes a special talent to pull off movies like Call Me By Your Name and Beautiful Boy. So, kudos to you, Timothée.

Wonka starts out with Willy’s arrival in America from his adventures abroad, where he has amassed all the greatest chocolatier science, skills and mystical secrets that the world’s imagination had to offer. Armed with this, a dozen silver florins and his indomitable optimism, Wonka sets about making his dreams come true. For a dude that a) is more than willing to look at the bright side of things, b) visits the world of imagination on the daily (probably more than I should, tbh), and c) has never let go of his own childhood dream (not tellin’), Wonka immediately stuck to me like Milk Duds on your teeth.

And just like my favorite movie confectionery, Wonka is a sweet reminder that lingers in my head.

Wonka has that ‘OOOMPF’ that you are looking for

There are callbacks aplenty to the original masterpiece staring Gene Wilder, and none of them are gratuitous. Examples: the first appearance of the Oompa Loompa (played by the always awesome Hugh Grant), the chocolate river, many of his Wonka-isms and personality quirks. Each one is a deeper dive into the magical elements of the original that we took for GRANTed (see what I did there?). Those memberberries are delightful and excellently entrance and enhance the experience. And make no mistake…Wonka is an experience.

There’s no call for that kind of language, Suh…

Wonka incorporates musical numbers into the story that, also like the original, add to the whimsical essence of the film. Mostly new additions, it does bring back a couple of the classic tunes and even adds some new lyrics. I won’t spoil any of those for you, but I imagine you can figure out what songs I’m referring to.

If there is one tiny hit I can make on this movie, it would be that the choreography was a bit too much like the limited dance sequences in the original. We have become accustomed to some spectacular numbers (I am jonesing to see ‘Good Afternoon’ from ‘Spirited’ right now…). Going a little bit further in that direction would have been wonderful.

My 2 shillings worth

So, Mrs Average Dude goes with me to nearly all my movies. She likes them (generally), but they don’t get into her like they do for me. Most of the time, when asked if she liked a show, the answer is ‘It was okay’ or ‘meh’ or ‘I liked it’. In Wonka, we were about halfway through and she leaned into me and said ‘I. Love. This. Movie.’. Unsolicited endorsement. Mid-show. I need say nothing more but I will.

Sitting next to me, two seats down, was a pudgy child of roughly 8 or 9. He was dressed in his pjs (which I just now realized were candy cane striped just like a certain chocolate slurping boy in Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory). He spoke in pretty much normal voice throughout the movie and was not seriously shushed by his parents. It was a distraction, of course. But the parallel to all the children of excess in that movie not only didn’t detract from Wonka…it somehow (magically?) enhanced it. It’s hard to explain but I do my best.

In Defense of Depp

In the Average Dude’s opinion: Johnny Depp’s turn as WW was, while separate from the other two, fantastic in its own right. You know what you are getting into when you go to a Tim Burton/Johnny Depp movie. And they do not disappoint. Was it magical? No, not really. But bizarre and entertaining? Without question. They’re just two different kinds of chocolate. One is most definitely darker than the other, but still quite tasty.

The Average Dude is enthusiastically, fervently, dynamically, whole-heartedly giving Wonka a 4.75 out of 5 golden tickets. See it this Christmas season in a theater if you can. Bring your chocolate, too. You’ll be craving it by movie’s end if you don’t.

Oh, and you might enjoy knowing that Average Dude went as ol’ WW a few Halloweens ago. Won first prize, too. Trust your Average Dude.

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Godzilla Minus One: New and Improved

As previously hinted, Average Dude invited Average Dude Bestie (ADB) to go see Godzilla Minus One. Stars aligned, the temperature in the netherealm dropped below 32 degrees, we grabbed some long overdue beers and then hit the moviehaus. He promised to withhold his opinion on this show until after I released my review. I’ll report back on whether or not we remain besties.

I typically avoid other commentary on the movies I intend to review for you all. And while I didn’t read or listen to anyone on Godzilla Minus One I wasn’t able to totally avoid catching a whiff of the prevailing sentiment. In fact, ADB mentioned how excited he was to get to see it and the reviews he’d seen were glowing. I stopped him right there and refused to hear another word so as to avoid a possible let down. Try as I might I was unable to totally shield my psyche from the pre-show love-fest that seems to have gripped everyone. To wit:

Doomcock (giggety) called it Awesome! One of the Best Godzilla movies [he’s] ever seen!

The Angry Review: the best film of 2023.

CinPals: Godzilla Minus One is Perfect (almost). The best film of 2023

Film Threat: Best Godzilla ever?

Like I said…a love-fest. The Average Dude, however, has a slightly different view.

See, this is why you need me

The Average Dude is not making a cent off of these reviews. I do it because I love movies. End of sentence, paragraph and story. If that ever changes and I do manage to make a dime from this labor of love, I will be the first to tell you. But my hand to God, I will never EVER alter the opinions I give you for money and I will never hype a movie that doesn’t deserve it just because everyone else does. You will get the straight shite from the AD. I’m not saying any of those guys are doing that. I’m just saying I don’t see it.

I missed hearing someone say…Gojeera

So let’s let the atomic lizard out of the bag right away. I liked Godzilla Minus One well enough. It set itself apart from other Godzilla movies because it included some actual emotional character development other than the inch-deep portrayal of mass terror. Godzilla Minus One showed us characterization on a very personal level.

Now, I get it…if you saw a 350 ft giant armored lizard with atomic halitosis, all other emotions at play within you evaporate and terror reigns supreme. Not much else in the emoting department is needed. Maybe steely determination. Godzilla Minus One gave us a wide range of emotions that barely had anything to do with the title monster. So yes, it was a different movie in that respect. Is that enough to heap all that praise? For me, the answer is nope.

It’s about Godzilla. Says so right in the title

Ask yourself this: what are you looking for out of a movie called Godzilla Minus One? If you answered exceptional character development then I’m sorry to tell you this…you aren’t hooked up right. Plus, if you want a monster movie with character depth, may I offer you the platinum standard…

And if you want a monster movie that instills actual terror, may I also offer you the platinum standard…

But a Godzilla movie – any Godzilla movie – you expect carnage. Massive ‘splosions. Missiles airborne. Buildings plowed asunder. More carnage. Any actual human character development is fine as a bonus. But as the primary applauded feature of the movie? Negative, Ghost Rider. The pattern is full. Like Pacific Rim (which I loved). It had just enough character dev to get us invested in their survival, without sacrificing exactly what you came to the theater to see.

Godzilla Minus One was not without a healthy dose of that good ol’ fashion mayhem like mama’s Gojeera use to make. I discovered today that they did use a dude in a rubber suit for most of it, and if true, that was an amazing feat, they truly upped their game. If not true, then the CGI was only so-so. Except for the atomic breath. That special effect was…well, special. Best I’ve seen.

But where was the Temporal Loom?

I would be remiss if I didn’t at least mention the mad scientist of this movie. Dr Noda (wasn’t he a bond villain?) was fun, and looked like the love child of OB and Victor Timely (and if you saw Season 2 of Loki, you know that is entirely possible. Maybe even inevitable).

We’re gonna need a bigger boat

Some other things that detract from the movie: Godzilla apparently has a regeneration power that looks like your standard Marvel movie nanotech mask on/mask off effect. Also, the physics of water displacement around a giant swimming lizard rising out of the ocean should have created some mighty waves that would affect boats large and small.

It was the Ricky Bobby effect

Finally, Godzilla walking on land was fine, except for the fact that his hands were constantly at a 45 degree angle, doing nothing. Not that they were big enough to do much of anything, but at least CGI would have had them doing something. Maybe he just didn’t know what to do with them. Whatevs. I’m giving Godzilla Minus One a 3.2/5. Not bad by any means. But in this Average Dude’s opinion, not nearly worth the atomic praise given by lots of names in the movie review community. Who’s right? That’s for you to decide. But I’ll tell you this much…Rotten Tomatoes is giving it a 96%. I lost all trust in those guys long ago.

Oh and not for nothing, but I could NOT find a clear answer as to what the ‘Minus One’ meant. If anyone knows, hit me with that knowledge. Thanks!

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