Author: todd.wade

It’s a TRAP

M Night Shyamalan movies are hit or miss, feast or famine. Can we all agree on that? For every 6th Sense or Signs there’s an Old or Lady In the Water. The Average Dude has long ago stopped getting excited for any MNS movie.

And we all know he likes to throw a twist into the mix. We’re all looking for it, which makes it really tough to deliver a good one. M Night began in the era before streaming. And maybe more than any other writer/director, streaming has done him no favors. A little voice inside my brainbone said to wait for it to come out on Prime or Hulu rather than shelling out dough to see it in the theater.

I should have listened to my inner voice

Father and daughter bonding for a new generation

TRAP, the latest offering by M Night Shyamalan is about a serial killer (Josh Hartinett) dubbed ‘the Butcher’. How original. The Butcher is known for dismembering his victims, reportedly in the most grissly ways. I say reportedly, because MNS spends very little time fleshing out that aspect of the story. Thankfully.

What TRAP spends quite a bit of time on is showing a father attempting to grow his relationship with his tweenage daughter by taking her to the biggest concert event ever! Lady Raven (played by M Night’s daughter, Saleka Shyamalan) is a stereotypical pop mega-star, complete with all the fake stage presence, glitzy showmanship and super-long eyelashes that remind me I need to sweep out the back of my SUV. But more on her later.

Unbelieveable Plot Contrivances #1-3

As the trailer reveals, TRAP pits the hero (???) against the entirity of the law. Somehow, they know he will be at this concert and they are bringing the house.

How do they know this about the villain/hero? The explanation is weak and unimaginative. And ultimately debunked. Why did they choose to TRAP him at a concert, where scores of innocent people – mostly children – can and probably would be harmed physically or emotionally? How would even the entire assembled might of Big City’s Finest hope to capture the bad guy out of a crowd of tens of thousands? Is the surveilance state THAT on point? Not a comforting thought. All that in just in the first 10 minutes.

Hollywood – 1 Average Dude – 0

So you see what I mean here. MNS wants us to overlook a whole lot of red flags and take this movie on a date. And like the optimist I am, I oblige. Because there didn’t seem to be any better options this week, and I think Hollywood planned it that way. Well-played, Hollywood.

I won’ t go on to enumerate all the rest of the crazy sh!t that we are expected to swallow in this movie. I can think of Unbelieveable Plot Contrivances #4-7 without even straining my tired brainbone. Doing that would create spoilers, and up to now, I’ve only exposed the ones that are shown in the trailers. I can tell you that they come at you from nearly every character, relentlessly. Literally nothing in this movie parallels actually life.

And the big M Night Shyamalan twist?

Don’t get me started. I beg of you. I bounce back and forth between incredulity and anger inducing disappointment. With more than a touch of insult.

They weren’t given much to work with

If I try to walk a mile in the character’s shoes, I’m afraid I only got about a football field along before I tire. Part of becoming emotionally connected to a character is relating to them. I shudder to think that there might be a segment of society that can relate to Josh Hartnett’s Butcher. And in fairness to Josh, I don’t think he really could, either. His character was closer to Joe from YOU than Hannibal from Silence of the Lambs. That’s not a good sign when it comes from the titular star of your movie.

But back to Lady Raven

So, with all the glaring holes (you ain’t seen nothin’ yet) in TRAP, the only sane conclusion I can come to is that the movie was intended to showcase M Night Shyamalan’s daughter, Saleka. Okay, I get it. What father doesn’t want to see his child succeed? Or give them a leg up? Trap is Saleka Shyamalan’s acting debut but has several soundtrack credits (all in dad’s movies). From the scenes of Lady Raven on stage, it didn’t feel like the singing or choreography was anything special at all. Certainly sub-Taylor Swift level entertainment. So coming in second to Josh Hartnett always meant she was destined to lose. Cal Naughton Jr. did it better.

So kudos to M Night for trying to help his daughter, and phooey on M Night for shlepping out this stain of a movie to do it. Poop to you, sir. I say again, poop.

As is my tradition

Like I always say, I try to find something good in every movie I see. And for TRAP, I can say this: with all the ham-fisted plot contrivances and milquetoast performances, the saving grace (I’m now being generous) was that with each attempt to find a way out, we watched with mild anticipation to see how the Butcher would slip free. It inspired a kind of hope. Not hope that the Butcher would escape justice. More like a hope that we didn’t spend our hard earned money on pooptrash. And, unfortunately, we did.

Oh. I just thought of Unbelieveable Plot Contrivances 8 & 9. They just. Won’t. Stop.

And please…help me out here. It has literally been a quarter century, and nobody is sure how to pronounce m Night’s last name. Somebody set me straight. It’s like trying to sound out Brett Favre’s name. Ugh.

Deadpool and Wolverine – LFG

It is not overstating it in the slightest to say that Deadpool and Wolverine is the movie we’ve all been waiting for. The last movie I can remember that generated this much anticipation is probably Avengers: Endgame. As I write this, Deadpool and Wolverine has been shattering box office records willy-nilly and is the 6th highest domestic opening of all time. Of. All. Time. That is a big deal.

But Average Dude, did it live up to the hype?

The short answer to that is ‘Yes, it did’. But it’s more complex than that. Deadpool and Wolverine is a movie by the people, for the people. Translation, you needed to be along for the WHOLE RIDE to fully love this movie. And I mean all of it.

There are so many bits and pieces that will fly past most watchers. Heck, I’m sure I haven’t caught all of them. Example: in the scene where Deadpool and Wolverine turn and face REDACTED REDACTED REDACTED, there is a storefront that says Liefield’s Just Feet. I happen to know that the artist who created Deadpool is Rob Liefield and he is infamously known for not drawing feet very well. I have that comic, btw. I’m a super-nerd. I’m okay with that.

Okay, but can I take my mom to see this movie?

Uh, well, if she’s gangsta enough, I guess. Yes, it’s absolutely foul-mouthed from start to end credits and beyond (you’ll see in the post credit scene). If mom is good with that, sure! But truly, the joy of Deadpool and Wolverine is having been along for the whole Marvel ride. And when you add to that, the next level bromance between Ryan Reynolds and Hugh Jackman, the whole experience is pure gusto joy.

Nothing like being in on the joke

Part of the charm of the Deadpool character is that we’re all in on the gag. Fourth wall breaks are nearly impossible to handle well. Reynolds does it effortlessly, as if we’re all best buds sharing a personal laugh. The imminently loveable Reynolds welcomes us all into the inner circle and no one is immune to that draw. We are onboard without hesitation.

A movie filled with IYKYK

We get it. But is the story any good? Ah…well…kinda the same answer as before. This story has multiple villains. If you’ve watched the Loki series, you know all about the TVA. I won’t go into them because it would take forever and I have a life. Villain 1 is pretty weak, as McGuffin as it gets.

The SECOND villain (the bald chick from the trailers) is someone only followers of the X-Men comics might know. This movie ever so briefly explains who she is. It was, in fact, SO brief that Mrs Average Dude didn’t catch it, and she has been with me every step of the MCU journey. But since she lacks the foreknowledge I possess from a youth spent in the pages of the X-Men, the character just blew right past her. Likewise for another character that pops up. I can’t tell you who it is because I’m not a tool. Let’s just say that Mrs Average Dude recognized them as someone ‘Magical’.

So, for the less-than-superfans, there’s a level of aweome in Deadpool and Wolverine that will just be missed, and that’s a shame. But even missing out on so, SO much, the average not-lifelong comic nerds will still love this movie, warts and all. Yes, the basic story is weak, just strong enough to move our heroes from one side-splitting scene to the next. We barely have time to register that because each scene comes at you hard and fast and hilarious, like a loud fart in church. Try not to laugh. I dare you.

To sum it all up, Deadpool and Wolverine is HIGH entertainment for everyone, and stratospheric fun for those of us in the know. I’m giving it 4.8 out of 5 and will probably go see it in theater a second time. In fact, mark it down for this Tuesday. The lawn can wait. I’m going.

But I’m not taking my mom. She’s not nearly gangsta enough for this sh!t.

BONUS

This is marketing genius. We’re not worthy.

Will Twisters blow you away?

Okay, that might be a bit of an overstatement. But it’s a headline that’s baked into the Twisters cake and I’m oblidged to shoe-horn it into my review. Let it not be said that The Average Dude doesn’t take a gimme when it’s offered.

Suspension of disbelief

Twisters is not a sequel, as you might expect. There are no cameos from the original and only one brief throwback (in the form of DOT, the barrel o’ sensors). So by and large, what Twisters does is introduce a new cast of characters that rush headlong into the vorex of a second ‘once in a lifetime’ storm outbreak.

Sharknado, anyone?

And lets be honest here…anyone breezing into the theater to see Twisters is already suspending disbelief to it’s justifiable limits. If you watched Twister (1996) then you already have come to grips with that. It’s fine. We’re fine. Hollywood has asked us to suspend them further than this. They gave us Sharknado, right? Multiple times. Like 6 times. We’ll be fine.

So we’re already mentally invested in the spectacle of Twisters. Extreme weather is the star of this blow-show. But we still need a human element to become invested, to make this movie a true blockbuster.

Enter Kate (played fairly vanilla by Daisy Edgar-Jones), a plucky storm-chaser in her careless youth turned meek and tortured city-dweller because of those darned tornadoes. When she is contacted by another tortured survivor of her early days, Kate leaves the security of NYC and its zero-tolerance for tornadoes (almost) to return to where it all began…Tornado Alley.

Suspension of disbelief 2.0

Upon returning to her old stomping grounds to battle the second once-in-a-lifetime storm outbreak, Kate runs into Tyler Owens, a YouTube storm-chasing superstar who makes his living driving his Dodge Ram truck into the heart of the maelstrom and anchoring it to the earth with twin augers. Never mind that an average tornado can shred steel or wrap it around a tree like it was a welcome home ribbon. But we’re still fine here. It’s not a flying apex predator, after all.

Tyler Owens (played by the insanely charismatic Glen Powell) is the real human show-stopper here. That dude is magnetic in a way that you just don’t see much of anymore. I’m told by the greatest generation that Cary Grant had it. Ryan Reynolds almost has it. But Glen Powell? It’s just not fair. Seriously, Glen. Save some for the rest of us.

To make the obvious comparison

Twisters takes the same dirt road that Twister did, pitting high-tech storm-chasers against the home-grown thrill-seekers (Tyler is dubbed ‘the Tornado Wrangler’). Kate seems to be channeling both Bill Paxton (RIP, my dude) and Helen Hunt from the original, and not quite getting the job done. Amazing supporting cast members like Philip Seymore Hoffman (RIP, my dude), Alan Ruck (‘the Rabbit is good, the Rabbit is wise!’) and Jami Gertz (‘We got cows!’) are nowhere to be found in Twisters. No, the weight of rizz is carried alone by Powell. And he does so. Nearly effortlessly. I think that’s just part of the gift he has.

Twisters doesn’t blow

Okay, there was another ovious headline. Sue me.

It’s definitely worth noting that Twisters does not bow to the alarmists of the world and blame everything on climate change. At least, not overtly. I counted twice that the movie stated storms are happening more frequently every year (there are some statistics to support that, though not this year). I find that refreshing and a bit surprising. Bravo to Director Lee Isaac Chung for make the conscious decision to not go that route and just let us have some fun. The Average Dude Abides.

And I may have been a tad long-winded but The Average Dude is giving Twisters a solid 4.2, totally worth your two hours and corn. My theater was packed, and that’s a good sign. Blockbusters are still a thing. I imagine Twisters will have a decent box next week, if only for the folks that tried to get Deadpool and Wolverine tickets but they were sold out. Two blockbusters in a row. Maybe cinema isn’t dead yet.

In the end, going to see Twisters is satisfying in the way that any of the latest crop of Godzilla v Kong movies (minus Minus One) is satisfying. We willingly throw science right out the Dodge Ram window and feel the winds. You know what this is going in. Anything more than that is just bonus. And we’re fine with that.

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A Quiet Place Day One is a lot of questions and no answers

Okay, I’m just going to come out and say it…I wasn’t really all that psyched to see A Quite Place Day One. I liked the first two well enough. I took my daughter and her friend to see the first one and she kept burying her face in my shoulder. That’s a treasured memory.

But the previews for this prequel (I’m pretty much over the whole prequel fad…is it just me?) left me cold. It was clear that this wasn’t going to be a story telling about who the soundcritters are. Or why they wanted to come here and ‘get all rowdy’ (to channel Capt. Steven Hiller from Independence Day). That would have been a prequel premise to shout about. Heck, I would have settled for knowing how they got here with no ocular orifices. How does their tech work with them basically being a giant ‘super-ear’? We have questions.

Just like Furiosa?

You know what question we didn’t have? How did the Quiet Invasion affect anybody else except Emily Blunt, John Krasinski and their family? We invested ourselves in their struggle for two movies. Starting all over again with A Quiet Place Day One feels like a money grab, not a continuation. And if anyone anywhere was asking for a prequel, I’m positive it was to anwer the aforementioned questions.

What we got instead was the story of a young, angry female of color with cancer and nobody to care about her except maybe one person at the inpatient cancer center where she lived. One might say that, if you can’t find something in that last sentence to become emotionally invested in then fellow dudes and dudies, you just aren’t trying. Yet there I was. Not caring all that much.

I always considered myself a dog person, but now…

Sam (no last name necessary) is played by Lupita Nyong’o (most notibly of Black Panther 1&2 and Us*) is accompanied by her emotional support cat ‘Frodo’. And for most of this movie, the only emotional investment I had was over the fate of this almost supernaturally incredible cat. I’m not kidding, this was the smartest, most loyal, chill-in-the-face-of-anarchy feline ever in all the history of history. Never to be equalled and barely to be believed. Not that Frodo did anything pivotal or John Wick-like. You’ll just have to see what I mean.

One does not simply walk into NYC

Anywhoo, Sam and Frodo (oh wow…I just this moment got that!) survive the arrival of the soundcritters, crashing en masse into New York City. Why would the soundcritters with their hyper-sensitive earfaces head to the epicenter of noise in this country? Questions. And in the chaos, this angry loner does the only logical thing and adopts a scared, besuited young professional named Eric (no last name necessary). Because societal collapse is well known for bringing out the charity in angry loners.

Questions, questions and more questions

Together, they embark upon the perilous journey to make it to a shipyard where survivors are getting out of Dodge by loading up on a large boat. Because soundcritters, with their galaxy-spanning spacecraft can’t swim and can’t figure out how to get to a floating thingy. But they attack a planet that is 3/4 of a thing that they can’t figure out. Questions.

A Quiet Place Day One just has so. many. questions. Where are all the bodies? Where is the gore? How did the loudest city in the world get silent so quickly? More questions.

Djimon Hounsou…for literally no reason I can fathom

I was glad to see Djimon Hounsou in this cast. I love him in every single one of his roles.** ‘Give us, Us Free’ is one of the most powerful lines of all time. A talent for the generations. So I was disappointed to find out that his part in A Quiet Place Day One was so small and impactless that any minimum wage talent could have done it. I would rather have seen him play the part of Eric, to be honest. The casting choice doesn’t make a lot of sense, is all I’m saying.

Pray I don’t alter it any further

The Average Dude started out giving this movie a 3 out of 5 because, in spite of taking half of it to become emotionally invested in anything that didn’t have whiskers and softpaws, I eventually liked Sam and Eric. I wished them well. I begrudgingly believed in their kindness towards each other. Because the Average Dude is an optimist at heart. When goodness triumphs under the most extreme of circumstances, I cheer. I want to believe that happens.

But as I type, I’ve found more unanswered questions in both the story and the choices behind the story. So against my usual habit of grading with my first gut reaction, I’ve dropped the score for A Quiet Place Day One a couple of times. The result is a modest 2.8 out of 5. The Average Dude can neither recommend nor NOT recommend it. I can only tell you that I am glad I saw it, and only because my personal makeup is geared towards that kind of ending. So sue me. I’m an optimist and I won’t be quiet about it.

*I saw Us at a free screening and I still feel like I spent too much. It used to be my least favorite movie all time, until Drive Away Dolls unseated it.
**except for maybe Shazam!

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Bad Boys Ride or Die is nearly 30 years old now

I remember the first Bad Boys movie…barely. It starred Will Smith and Martin Lawrence (of course) and the movie poster showed them bracketing a smoking hot Téa Leoni. Here’s what I remember from that movie. Detectives Mike Lowry and Marcus Burnett were adversarial partners tasked with protecting a witness (Leoni). And I remember that I liked it. That’s all. And that’s not surprising, since in fact, that movie first came out 29 years ago.

Here’s a list of things that didn’t exist then…

Google. Smartphones (or really, any cell phone that didn’t look like a brick). The Web (as in, the world wide). email. Streaming anything. Selfies (or anyplace to post them). Gender reveal parties. The Carolina Panthers and Jacksonville Jaguars (well, they existed but had not played a game yet).

I think I’ve made my point. It’s been a hot minute. And at the risk of belaboring the obvious, it might be time to rename the franchise Bad Older Gentlemen. But that doesn’t have the same pinaché, the same zing. I get it.

I thought there were only three of them

So, maybe I had a lot going on in 2020. The nation was closed for business just as my beloved Kansas City Chiefs had become world champions and I may have been on a 6 month party. Who knows. But in the run-up to Bad Boys Ride or Die, I seriously thought there were only three movies in the franchise. Somehow, I missed Bad Boys For Life.

In this franchise, there was a whole lot going on in the third installment. Marcus became a ‘pop pop’. Captain Conrad (the fantastic Joey Pants) died (in the movie, not in real life, God forbid). Mike died, came back, and found out he had an adult son from a NOLA witch. Yeah, I feel like, if I had seen it, I’d remember that stuff.

Here’s the thing…it didn’t matter

Watching Bad Boys Ride or Die and seeing Mike’s son show up I was like ‘Okay, that’s new’. And seeing that Capt Conrad was dead I was like ‘Okay, that’s a bummer’. Seeing Reggie mature from a bit character to *REDACT REDACT REDACT REDACT REDACT REDACT* was a nice progression. I rolled along with all of this assuming that the questions would be answered by and by. Thanks to excellent pacing, I didn’t get a chance to dwell on such things. And at the end of the movie, I was like ‘This was a cool movie. Much better than I expected out of a 4th helping’.

The amazing Mrs Average Dude saves my bacon yet again

Mrs. Average Dude, having never seen the other movies, needed to know more. So we went back to watch Bad Boys For Life and I got a whole new movie to answer the questions I barely had. And I got to see all the returning cast of characters again in reverse order, and I liked that, too.
None of that was a spoiler, by the way

So even though I told you that Mike’s son shows up in Bad Boys Ride or Die, or that Capt Conrad was dead, it’s not spoiling anything. I do, however, need to go back in this review and redact a small portion.* You’re welcome.

And since I don’t give spoilers in my reviews, let me just say this of Bad Boys Ride or Die: It was more of what brought you to the theater back in 1995. And 2003. and 2020. It reminded me of how much I miss seeing Martin Lawrence and his particular brand of action/comedy. His slanted grin, full of good natured mischief, is 100% infectious. And make no mistake, in this franchise, Will Smith is the straight man, setting up the Lawrence punchline. And I really like it. Sure, Smith is the ‘action star’. Those guys are a dime a dozen. But there are so few Martin Lawrences, and they are entertainment gold.

So I am gladly giving Bad Boys Ride or Die a hearty 4 out of 5. Sure, they’re too old to be the ‘really bad boys’ of the 90’s and early 2000’s, and this movie doesn’t try to ignore that fact. But at least they have a good comedic chemistry to lean on that still delivers. And that’s not nothing.

Also not for nothing: I would be totally remiss as the Average Dude to NOT point out that Téa Leoni has aged amazingly well. Thirty years. I can only hope I age even close to as well.

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Furiosa: In the beginning…

The Average Dude remembers the before-time when cell phones only existed on Star Trek, HBO was the only movie channel (and didn’t give you any choices), and people thought that home computers would happen after flying cars. In the midst of that unimaginable era there came a little indie flick called Mad Max. It starred a dude named Mel Gibson. He was, for most of us, our introduction to the land down undah. At least until Crocodile Dundee came out.

As average dudes, we love Mad Max. We SO wanted to be a muscle car driving bad @$$ with an accent that could drop undies at a convent. Mad Max was the tortured hero for the early 80s that average dudies fantasized about and average dudes admired. Galvanized by the tragic loss of his family, Max went from a clean-cut law officer to a rogue cop…the good guy bad boy of the law. The broken heart of Max further appealed to the ladies and the Dirty Harry from Down Undah had us dudes saying ‘Ef yeah! That would be me!’

And then…the inevitable remake

Cut scene to 30 years later, and Hollywood gives us a new Max for a new generation (actually, I think that would be two generations). Tom Hardy, an awesome actor, reprises the role of Mad Max. Or maybe it’s his spirit, because it’s not super-clear if he’s supposed to be the SAME Max. But let’s move on.

Mad Max Fury Road was a really good watch, It had the most amazing high-speed action I’ve ever seen in a movie. Nothing before or since comes close. Adding a psycho-punk flamethrowing dual guitar playing warboy on bungee chords was absolutely brilliant. I need a picture of this guy for the mancave. Preferably autographed. Ef, yeah.

And even though I have a great debate with my bestie on Fury Road’s nomination for Best Picture (I say Nay), it was still a worthy watch. Not quite on the annual rewatch list but close. Hardy’s Mad Max was an indominable bad @$$ and all. But there are two actual generations between the originals and the new. Thus the new audiences are not emotionally connected to the history, there’s very little reason to become invested in the character.

Furiosa was an odd direction for the franchise to take

And that brings us to Furiosa, a Mad Max saga. Furiosa is a prequel to Fury Road and is the story of the Furiosa (duh) played by Anya Taylor-Joy. Clearly, adding ‘a Mad Max saga’ to the title is just a way of piggy-backing on the brand and making Furiosa more than just another butt-kicking solo-chick that has been schlepped out to audiences ad nauseum for a while now.

Yes, these are characters from the Mad Max saga. Same blasted hellscape. But not a trace of Max. Will Tom Hardy show up in future Furiosa prequel/sequels? No clue. If so, it seems an odd choice to shoot the prequel before Tom Hardy even gets a chance to re-establish the Mad Max character. To this point in the reboot, Furiosa has more actual screen time than Mad Max.

Was she chosen because she has big eyes?

Which brings me to another point: Anya Taylor-Joy as Furiosa is a very talented actress. Not a lot of quality credits to her name yet, but her turn in The Queen’s Gambit was impressive. She’s got a lot of cred in Hollywood right now as an up and comer. So I get signing her to a big name movie with one of the biggest stars in the cosmos (Chris Hemsworth in an amazing false nose) is a great career move.

The down-side is that Furiosa was written as the ultimate stoic little girlboss growing up to be a stoic young womanboss. Other than having a soul-scorching stare, she wasn’t really called upon to do much…you know, acting. An estimated count puts her at about 30 lines total. As I recall, a couple of those were ‘I AM FURIOSA!’ and ‘No.’ Not the Independence Day pre-dawn speech but that stare was pretty feral. How did her parents know she would grow to be so furious when then named her? No clue.

Thor is more

Okay, so even though Furiosa is a high octane action flick, there still needs to be some characters to fill in the places between car battles. That burden falls upon Chris Hemsworth as Dementus, who has some lines that are more articulate than you will hear in the average conversation today. An amazing vocabulary given that there hasn’t been an education system in generations. It was cool to see the greater Hemsworth in a role that didn’t sound like old English. Forsooth.

So, does the Average Dude recommend? I do. I loved the characters of Dementus and Immortan Joe (the villain from Fury Road). And even though the hot car-on-car action wasn’t up to the gold standard of Fury Road, Furiosa still gave what we crave…auto carnage. And while there were moments, the whole was not all that memorable. It was an adequate popcorn pusher that was probably 30 minutes too long. And with all due respect to the Critical Drinker, I did not find that Anya Taylor-Joy gave a particularly ‘great performance’. How could she, with only 30 stumpy lines?

And at the risk of beating a dead horse

If you’ve read my reviews in the past, you already know of my utter disdain of the black-screen ‘Five Years Later’ type scene change notices that take you completely out of the movie. What’s wrong with the classic fade out or fade to black? But maybe that’s just me.

And just for laughs…the character names are fantastic! Dementus. Immortan Joe. Rictus Erectus. Organic Mechanic. People Eater. Mr. Harley. Mr. Davidson. Scrotus. Ef, yeah.

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IF is Inescapably Fantastic

I know I tout it every single week how I’m just an Average Dude. It says so right in the title. And for the most part, I think it’s true. I believe in hard work, loyalty and an unchanging magnetic north to my moral compass. But there are times when I am convinced that I am not an average dude. Not better. Just…different.

I guess we all feel that way sometimes. And, being an honest average dude, that feeling is probably more right than wrong. Again, that doesn’t make it a bad thing. Nobody wants to be JUST like everyone else. We all want to be unique in some way. We all want to be special. Then adulting gets in the way and the want gets lost in the day-to-day. It happens to all of us. But sometimes we are lucky and find a reminder that the wanting is not lost forever.

IF is one of those reminders

IF wallops us in the feels right out of the gate. Bea (played by TWD’s Cailey ‘Judith’ Fleming) loses her mother to illness and becomes maybe the most grown-up, serious, no fun 12 year old one could imagine. Calamity follows tragedy, and Bea’s father (John Krasinski) is admitted to hospital for heart surgery. Bea’s heart of steel becomes a heart of stone. Her father, a child-at-heart, does his best to lighten her load (world’s best dad, IMO) to no avail. Bea will not be moved.

Thank goodness for childlike curiosity

Though Bea had made herself into a 12 year old adult, youthful inquisitiveness is still a driving force. She is having glimpses of someone…a little girl, she thinks…in the shadows and ducking around corners. Where hope has been packed away, curiosity still lives. Bea’s tenaciousness eventually brings her face to face with what was lost…an IF.

Like finding a new cup-holder in your 2017 Jeep

Lost and found is kind of the theme for IF, and it doesn’t get old or oversold. It might have been luck or by design, but apparently we as humans never get tired of the thrill of finding what was once thought to be gone. Or finding something new in something you’ve had for years. The old becomes new again. And that is magical, even IF only for a moment.

Imaginatively Fun

It’s so much fun every time a new IF is introduced. Guessing the voices without mentally stepping out of the movie is not easy, and there are plenty of them. Clearly, everyone in Hollywood wanted a piece of IF. I dare you to spot them all without the help of Google. And there is one IF that you could not possibly get because it does not speak. But when you see who it is you are struck once again by the brilliance of IF. IF becomes new again, if you will.

Ryan Reynolds doing Ryan Reynolds things, part 1

IF would have been a solid movie had the star been pretty much anyone else. Having Ryan Reynolds as the co-star makes it beyond entertaining. Reynolds plays Cal, the leader and caretaker of the IFs (local chapter, I assume). And even as a sardonic pessimist, we can’t help but love him. The dude just never disappoints. I have a direct interaction with Ryan Reynolds on Facebook. I’ll show it to you someday. It made Facebook new again for me.

Inevitable Five (or close enough)

So, I’m gleefully giving IF a 4.9 out of 5 happy faces. What’s missing, you ask? We got plenty of IF. This movie was full to overflowing of WHAT. The missing element is WHY? As in WHY was Bea able to see the IFs in the first place? IF that question had been answered, this would have been a 5/5, hands down. In the end, I guess the why’s are sometimes over-rated and we just need to accept the IS and enjoy the ride. Kids can do that SO much better than we adults. And that brings me to the realization that I might not be as average as I thought.

IF is a movie that kids will love but I suspect not all adults will love it as much as I did. Full disclosure: I was on the cusp of blubbering audibly by the end. Certainly the tears were rolling. God bless Mrs. Average Dude for handing me a napkin before the movie even started. She knows me so well. Your Average Dude is a sucker for kids, dogs and redemption. And apparently, the journey to find what was lost is not as far for this average dude as it is for others. In that, I suspect I am very un-average. Totally cool with it.

Ryan Reynolds doing Ryan Reynolds things, part 2

For those who follow Welcome to Wrexham, this was his latest birthday prank played on Rob McElehenny… https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vCKgewLdK9w
Its been living rent-free in my skull for two weeks now.

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The Fall Guy is the remake we never knew we wanted

Trying not to give away too much about me, but I remember watching The Fall Guy back in the early 80’s. It was okay, typical 80’s TV fare in the vein of the A Team and Knight Rider. Ultimately forgetable, really. I truly don’t remember a single episode. But oh, I remember the theme song word for word (link at the end). SO catchy!

Better. Stronger. Faster.

The Fall Guy from the 80’s starred Lee Majors as a Hollywood Stuntman who moonlighted as a bounty hunter to fill in the financial gaps that getting set on fire or blown up on set didn’t cover. I have no idea how many of you will remember this show (I know my kids don’t) but Majors was one of those virile male stars from back when it was okay – even desirable – for men to exhibit toughness, kindness and follow a firm moral code. In the pantheon of male tough guy heroes of the 80’s, you had Burt Reynolds, David Hasselhoff, Tom Selleck…and Lee Majors, the Six Million Dollar Man.

And if you don’t remember the Six Million Dollar Man, then I got nuffin for ya. About 50% of this review is going to whiz right over your head. And I feel bad for you.

Since so few people remember the Six Million Dollar Man, it seems an odd choice by Hollywood to bring Major’s second act to the big screen with The Fall Guy. I don’t know what inspired Universal to pull it out of the vault and give it a new millenium makeover. But they did, and we are all better off for it.

Only the Village People can still use that word

Let’s be clear…there is no way that they could make The Fall Guy with the same macho essence that the 80’s male star exuded. Whether that is for good or ill is hotly debated, and your Average Dude has much to say on the subject. I suspect other average dudes and dudies do, as well. But the wise, wise Mrs Average Dude reminded me that this is not the forum for such debates. Keep it about the movie. She is the angel on my shoulder. So, because she is so very wise and because she is correct, I will say only this: I miss the 80’s. It was a good time.

Having said as much, I am giving the writers and director David Leitch (John Wick, Deadpool 2 and the criminally underrated Hobbs & Shaw) full marks on revamping the show for a new age. The Fall Guy 2024 stars Ryan Gosling and Emily Blunt with an excellent supporting cast that includes Aaron Taylor-Johnson, Winston Duke (M’Baku from Black Panther) and the delightfully sleazy Hannah Waddingham. Gosling plays Colt Seavers, the unknown stuntman that makes Eastwood look so fine. That’s the only story element that made the transition from the magnificent 80’s to the end of the first quarter century of the new millenium. That’s okay.

What Leitch managed to do – somehow and against all odds, says I – is bring a hint of that bigger than life era back to the big screen without championing machismo or infuriating the always furious. Gosling’s Seavers was a man’s man that was still vulnerable to both physical and emotional scarring. Most endearing was a sense of chivalry, of right and wrong, and a willingness to put himself to the hazard for love of both. It was almost subtly given to us, which was perfect on multiple levels.

Not a fairy tale but yeah, a fairy tale

Okay, I did say that some of you would not get this review, but that doesn’t mean that this movie isn’t worth your time and corn. It is, fear not. The images of bygone male-female stereotypes might have been removed from The Fall Guy, but the quintessential elements that we all still crave are there. Not only Gosling, but Emily Blunt is also strong yet vulnerable and ultimately loyal and forgiving. Both stars embody things that, if half of us weren’t furious and the other half scared, we would all aspire to be and have.

Is it too early to give a 5 our of 5?

Nah, I’d give it top marks if not for a couple of very slight knocks. Yes it was an action movie but The Fall Guy pulled back the curtain to reveal the wizardry of Hollywood stunts and then proceeded to throw sand in it’s own face by giving us a finale that was just a wee bit over the top. No spoilers but you’ll get me when you see it. Just a skosh long, it probably would have be a straight up 5 if they had shaved maybe 5-10 minutes of end action sequence.

And while there was not one note of ‘You Give Love a Bad Name’ as the trailers so gloriously promised, the soundtrack for The Fall Guy was beyond awesome. Believe it.

They should have had bigger cajones

Exception to that last take: Blake Shelton’s remake of The Fall Guy series theme song. I get why they did it but it was still a disappointment. Might be the one really bad call of the whole show. But I’m correcting that here. You’re welcome. Even so, I am proudly giving The Fall Guy a well-deserved 4.8 out of 5. Plenty of cameos and rememberberries to enjoy, including the way that Colt narrates his own story. Oh and lest I forget, scene-stealer Jean-Claude. Engage your core!

Enjoy this new addition to my annual watch list and spring for the large corn. I didn’t and wish I had. A-hey hey!

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Fallout season 1 is a breath of irradiated fresh air

Who would have thought that yet ANOTHER series about a post-apocalyptic dystopian hellscape would be a good idea? And not just a another post-apocalyptic dystopian hellscape, but one based on a first-person shooter video game? Ugh, seriously? When will it be enough? Will we ever get post-apocalyptic dystopian hellscape fatigue? Apparently not any time soon. Is that a good or bad thing? I say ye, ’tis the same as any other genre…the proof in the pudding is in the eating.

That’s a bit of a cynical opening to this column, I’ll admit. My head turns when I see a new end of the world show teaser. I’m not sure why they grab our interest so completely. It probably has something to do with how we are all caught up in doom scrolling on our phones. Who knows. As an over-thinker, I should probably put my tired brain-bone to work on it. But not today. Today, I’m going to revel in the quirky, original, amazing Prime Video offering: Fallout season 1.

Good grief, am I that old?

Fallout is based on a popular video game of the same name, which has spawned at least a dozen spinnoffs and sequels. With a popularity like that, and sporting a fresh retrofuturistic (today’s word of the day. Try to use it in conversation!) style, Fallout was destined to be made into an actual movie or series. Frankly, it’s kind of amazing that it has taken this long to happen. The original Fallout was release waaaaay back in 1997. That bakes my melon. Seriously.

The end of the world…the way your gramma made it

As I said, Fallout is a ‘retrofuturistic’ world. Setting aside the obvious dichotomy there, it’s a fantastic artistic style that lives next door to steampunk (think Robocop done with only steam-powered technology). I say fantastic, and I stand by that. We’ve done the clean, smooth, futuristic tech to death (no offense, Star Trek). Retrofuturistic renditions are still pretty novel in comparison. Fallout nails the artistic style and absolutely ups the ante with top-shelf writing that slings a 50’s siloed morality and language smack dab into the aforementioned dystopian hellscape. It is visually enthralling and the characters are easily investable.

Kind of like the British

But when the layers of characterization are slowly peeled back, they reveal a dark underbelly. The one dimensional depictions fall away to reveal hidden motives and avarices. Wholsesome ‘good golly!’ morality evolves in front of our eyes and is replaced by the stark realization of circumstances that forces our characters to grow or die. In short, the character development is on point.

Not to be confused with another female bad@$$

Fallout stars Ella Purnell as Lucy MacLean, a young female adult who has lived her entire life in one of any number of Fallout shelters built to survive the atomic holocaust that our universe has (so far) has avoided. Hearing her name, my eyebrow immediately sprung up Spock-like. Second only to the original Die Hard is Live Free or Die Hard, another annual watch for me. John MacLane’s tough as nails daugher is one Lucy MacLane (Mary Elizabeth Winstead). Love it. Whether on purpose or accident, I was on board from the git-go.

What follows is a non-linear tale of present day sheltered life (very literally), post-disaster militias, pre-disaster origin stories and pre-pre origin stories that walks a thin line between necessary and confusing but manages well enough. We are introduced to neo-knight Maximus, a character whose motivations and growth are not yet predictable. We meet THE Ghoul (not to be confused with the garden variety ghouls), played by the always awesome Walton Goggins doing his best Red Skull imitation. Oh, and Dogmeat. Dog-lovers rejoice.

If you are looking for a new earworm…

Fallout seems to take great pride and care in every aspect and nuance of this show. The end credits are presented to the tune ‘Crawl Out Through the Fallout’ by Sheldon Allman (circa 1960). That song has been playing on loop in my head ever since and was THE perfect ending. Each epi has it’s own retro tune to play us back to reality but none can match that slice of perfection. After the credits rolled, I simply turned to Mrs. Average Dude and declared ‘I. Am. A. Fan.’

I truly have nothing bad to say about this series other than to say I hope SO MUCH that they don’t muck it up in subsequent seasons. I still have not forgotten nor recovered from the tragic, meteoric crash of the series ‘Heroes’. I have never seen a great series go south so quickly. It bothered me so much that it tempers all my series expectations. Having said that, I wholeheartedly endorse Fallout season 1 with a jim-dandy rating of 4.75/5. Fallout is swell and I can’t help but be jazzed for season 2. And if I get radiation burned in the end, I’m going to feel it.

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